Feeling Lonely (Part 1)

[Widdiful Falling]

I hear what you're saying, Recovery. I also hate faking my way through being friendly. So I stopped. I said to myself, "Widdiful, enough is enough. People are going to enjoy the real you, or they are not going to be around you. As long as you're acting from a place of compassion, even if you hurt someone, it's okay. Accidents happen. You will learn."

I discovered that I actually am a rather friendly individual underneath it all. I genuinely take a deep interest in people. I feel closer to my friends than ever before, and they're around a lot more.

My advice is, do stop seeking, but don't isolate yourself. Friendships will form naturally if you simply talk to people. I think a lot of what gets in our way of truly knowing people is our expectation of them. If you go in with the goal of gaining a new friend, you're going to do what you can to further that goal, and that includes being fake-friendly (which, BTW, not to make you feel uncomfortable, but people like myself can smell that on a person from a mile away) if you think that's what it takes.

So go out there with the intention of getting to know people, not having those people fulfil a role in your life. Let go of your expectations. (Not your boundaries. Please don't confuse the two!) I think that you'll be a lot less lonely if you let go of your expectations of others, and let go of your expectations of yourself. It's hard, and it might feel like going backwards, but actually living up to expectations for a change feels really good. 

[Rrecovery]

WF, your post has had a significant impact.  It all feels very true.  I definitely do come from a place of desperation and hopeful expectation that any contact can possibly become a friend.  And I'll bet it does come across as fake and uninteresting.  I believe that if I can really begin to feel okay on my own I can let go of that desperation and - you're right, I need to be brave and bold enough to just be me and let the cards fall where they will.  Really appreciate it 

[Widdiful Falling]

I know it's a really hard thing to do. I've been there myself. Best of luck to you, and many warm hugs. 

[Kizzie]

Hi everyone - great thread and I don't mean to interrupt the momentum, but in keeping with our guidelines we lock a topic at five pages because it gets unwieldy after that and hard to wade through.  I will set this as a "sticky" so that it's at the top of the forum and members can find it, and I would encourage you to start a "Feeling Lonely Part 2" if you'd like to carry on with this discussion.

Tks!