strange behaviour of my mother (trigger)

[apples]

My mother had a very strange behaviour all her life towards anyone. she did things against common sense all the time. she put summer clothes on me in the winter. and she could also put winter clothes on me in the summer or at least she tired to do it. Children are not easy to dress with just about anything. she also talked to other people about me in a very strange way. told other people that I never laughted which wasn't true. I was right handed and she thought I was left handed. I never understand why she was like that. when I was a child a long time ago many people still thought that it was a bad thing to be left handed. But why she thought I was left handed when I was obviously right handed I dint understand it.........
when I cried she punished me. she never took me in her arms and comforted me. I had good school grades and then she told her friends that I was stupid and had low grades.

anything I did was the opposite.

rather strange thing is that my father was about the same.

my father sometimes didn't recognise me even. he thought something was the matter with me and on several occasions he thought that I had been to the hairdresser and changed my hair style. when I actually had not done that I looked the same as I did in the morning before I went to school. I was punished by him for going to the hair dresser and he said we don't have money for it and he thought  I had  stolen money to go to the hair dresser. I was so so scared of him didn't matter what I did. he would find things wrong with me.

I was also punished all the time when I never done anything wrong. my father had heard voices in his head that had told him that I am smoking. he told me about the voices. and that there is nothing I would be able to hide from him. he said he was telepathic also and that I should be careful about what I think about as he could hear every word I am thinking. I thought it was true and I tried my best not to think. but one got to think. but I was just 12 years old I didn't understand what was going on with my parents.

my father never had a diagnose. my mother didn't ever get a diagnose. just a doctor said he think she had Munchhausen by proxy.

my mother took me to the doctor when nothing was wrong with me. she could argue with the docs and take me to see several of them and tell them that things where the matter with me and they would not find anything.

my mother also had hallucinations now and then but not so bad like my father had.

my father was married 5 times before he married my mother non of his other children had contact with him. he didn't want to see them at all. never wrote any letters to them for birthdays and Christmas. I found documents at home after my father died that said that he was not allowed to see his other children because of he had abused them and their mothers. one of his sons had been adopted away. one of his sons had died from suicide. there is a half sister that I have had contact with. she is also rather strange person. she is divorced and her husband took care of their children after the divorce. she also is having same behaviour as our father had.

I had an older brother that I grew up with. he seemed to think it was okay to hurt me and he also sexually abused me when I was 11-13yrs old. then he moved to another city to go to school there and study.

my mother knew about the sexual abuse and did nothing about it.

I told a friend of mine in school about what was going on. then she told the school nurse about what I had said. and then the school nurse did phone up my mother and ask her if it was true that they abused me!!!! of course my mother said NO.

what else did the nurse think my mother would have said??

the abuse got even worse after that. I was told they would kill me if I ever said anything ever again to anyone.

I was punished by not given enough food and I was also having to beg for forgiveness for being born. every day I had to say please forgive me for being born. it went on for years that I had to do that.

most of my life been ruined by my parents. I'm 51 years old now.

many many more things happened to me as a child . really nasty things. don't want to talk about things. I don't want other people to feel sick from reading what they done to me.

[Gabrielle4500]

Dear Apples,
Don't ever think that we will be 'sick of you' or anything like this!
I am very sorry about your parents, and their lack of support and understanding. And about your brother as well. You're NOT to blame for any of this, and I am truly sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like this.

My mother was very abusive to me and my father was in thrall of her and either was distant during my childhood or acted in 'funny' ways as well. I, too, was treated very unfairly and was made the scapegoat of the family. During my adolescence my mother was truly envious of me and made my life miserable.

So, you see, we all have had difficult families here. Please feel free to keep talking.

I am new too though I have had therapy and worked very hard throughout the years to undo my family's damage. I have accepted this is a lifelong task though we do get better.

Welcome and keep posting. 

[Sandals]

  Keep telling your truth, Apples, it's an essential part of healing.

I'm so sorry your mother and father both couldn't love you the way you deserved to be loved.

Let me be the first to say it, if no one else has: I'm so glad you were born. You are very much wanted and ESSENTIAL to this world. You are worthy of life and worthy of love. Your value is not even in question, not one single piece of it, from when you were a baby, a child, an adolescent and as an adult. I believe in you.

[apples]

thanks for the replies 

I been to therapy in the past that had no effect at all and actually made me worse as when I was still living at home I had to go to the mental hospital for 2 years and the medical records are full of lies from my mother they didn't be live me they believed her. I actually was allowed to read it last year. its incredible the stuff they put in there. where it say that I am not sick I am pretending to be sick !!!

even though I had been examined at the hospital and had diagnose on crohns disease and asthma, allergies.

I did get alcohol problems and 14 years ago I decided to go seek help for it. and what did they do? once again I was put in the mental hospital for 2 month and they talked me into that I didn't have alcohol problems that I was imagining having it. and they of course had talked to my mother. I was 37 years old. they called my MOTHER up on the telephone and asked her!!!!? I'm an adult it was not a nice thing for them to do at all!!!

so I had to just do as they told me in the hospital and agree to everything they said for them to let me out again.

I got a psychiatrist I talk to know and it was he who removed the diagnose on me that I am autistic and he said that PTSD is something that is just normal and it was a long time since things happened to me. he just removed the meds I was on with great success actually. I am feeling better than ever without the drugs. but I got a huge problem healthwise though since I suffer from multiple sclerosis

so I am taking some medcation of course for the allergies and some pain medication of course if anyone got confused about what medicine I quit taking it was the antipsychotic medication. since the doctor realized that I was not psychotic that I was telling the truth about what happened in my child hood.

I'm not drinking anymore I had help for that which was great.

Im a bit dissapointed they wont give me any help for the PTSD though.

best thing ever is that my mother now is dead. going to the funeral soon. going to be difficult to look sad there. we will be 7 people including me. we keep it in the family. I want to see it when they put her in the ground in dads grave. I need to see it myself. when she died I was at the hospital she was in a coma for 4 hours before she died. I held her hand.