Trust resources?

[anosognosia]

I'm wondering if anyone has good resources on building trust.

I'm realizing I don't even know an intuitive feeling of trust - I know technically it means reliability and having faith in someone.  Because of the way I grew up I don't even know how to get familiar with the feeling.

So I'm hoping to find some good books, podcasts, youtube clips, worksheets, anything really. For me to train myself.

My T told me to go out and explore this topic, so naturally I come here first 

[C.]

I will think about that, it's a good question.  I know that my trauma caused me to trust the WRONG people and I read somewhere to simply look at those who don't initially instill interest/trust.  Believe it or not, that's worked for me.  The people who I'm less "intuitively" (my antenna were oppositely wired to try to please abusers/NPD/etc.) drawn to have turned out to be those to whom I need to pay closer attention.  The others over time proved themselves less trust worthy.  So I pay more attention to those who don't inspire interest and less attention to those who do...this goes for my work, Faith community, neighborhood, etc.

[bee]

I don't have any resources to share, sorry.

I have huge trust issues. This is how I am approaching it. I'm making it up as I go.

Turns out I did not even trust myself. Why should I? I continually put myself in harms way, even after I was an adult and supporting myself. I still forced myself to interact with my abusers (my parents). True I didn't know any better, but from my inner child's perspective that is a lousy excuse.

So I am working on proving that I am trustworthy. When I tell myself that I will take a break I do. When I promise myself a reward for doing something hard, I follow thru. When I notice that I am uncomfortable in a situation I leave if at all possible. In other words I am trying to be a good enough parent to myself.

I think once I have earned the right to be trusted by my inner child I will be able to see when others have earned the right to be trusted.

[Jdog]

It is uncanny to wake up and find this issue as the first unread post of the day for me.  I was in bed thinking that the reason most holidays find me with a slightly squeamish feeling is because I disconnected from most of my FOO years ago and most people celebrate holidays in this extended-family kind of way.  I had to remind myself yesterday that myself and my spouse DO count as a family even without the many cousins, uncles and aunts who live far from me.  I escaped from my home state as soon as I graduated college because I did not feel welcome by most people to whom I am related or with whom I grew up. 

  I know that my trauma caused me to trust the WRONG people...

This applies to me as well. I sought validation from a Father who had many problems and was rejecting of me then turned things around and acted like it was ME rejecting him...and told my first cousins what a "*" I was for not wanting to spend time with him...and this need for validation got me into a situation where I trusted a Father-figure who loved me in inappropriate ways- long story, but I am sure you get my meaning.  I am still trying to regain the trust of my inner child all these many years later.

I am today a social person, a person with some good and trustworthy friends.  And yet, when things are going too well with my spouse or with friends, I find my flight mechanism beginning to rev up.  I think it is the result of not trusting myself and trusting the wrong folks, even though these people in my life have not shown themselves to be at all like my FOO or others whom I tried to trust but ended up having to flee.

As far as resources, I truly think this is an "inside job"- a situation where a person has to gradually become aware of the reasons that trust is a challenge, make friends with the IC, and build from there. I am sure there must be some books on this but other than reading Pete Walker I unfortunately have no suggestions at the moment.

[schrödinger's cat]

Great thread, and so many helpful points made!    I'm busy taking notes here, since I've got massive trust issues myself. When I'm feeling particularly down, it's even starting to affect my sense of object constancy. (So I can't cross any bridge without being certain that it'll collapse under me, I can't step on balconies because I'm sure they'd break, that kind of thing.)

[wingnut]

I think the best thing is to stick a toe in the water.
I just had a discussion about this today, as I work a bit more on remaining social anxiety issues.
It seems as though trusts exists on a continuum. It is not black or white, nor does it have an on/off button.
I believe we trust people to varying degrees, perhaps to some extent this is an instinctual reaction.
For me, with SA, it's a hurdle folks have to prove them selves to some ridiculous extent to gain my trust. However, I think with therapy, I am making some great progress with this. The discussion today was, why I am more comfortable around some people.some social situations than others. For example, sharing a history, common experiences, having been to each other's houses, time and proof that this person isn't going to hurt me builds trust. Also, I feel if someone trusts ME, confides and shares with ME, then I can trust THEM. Stepping stones, baby steps, through out a tidbit and watch their reaction. Doing the whole shebang and spillage of the guts has never worked for me, though I've been amazed by those who can.
I don't know if this helped at all. Is there anyone in your life that perhaps you like to get a bit closer to with whom you can put a bit more of yourself out there.?

[Sandals]

I would hazard a guess that quite a few of us are codependent, based on trauma backgrounds. I'm working on educating myself about this so that I can understand the feeling of a "normal" relationship and I figure that trust will turn begin to follow.

Here's a starting point if you're interested in learning more about codependency:  http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/00011992

[thegirlintheattic]

I actually never read this, but I heard an interesting podcast about this book "The Thin Book of Trust", and maybe it'll seem interesting to you?  It seems like it's taking more of an outside-in approach, and sometimes for me, that way of working can feel invalidating and bring up my tendency to mold my behavior to what other people are needing/wanting.  But maybe it's a good resource for you?

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0966537394/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=2X4HIBW9DWHBF&coliid=I2AILTV5TXRQN0