Changing perspectives

[EmoVulcan]

This is something that helped me heal in some ways, the negativity and emotional turmoil that were seriously hampering my functionality. Though not enabling connections that were far past the now, it was to put my same knack of walking in another's shoes, to see me walk in my own...and discover I was wearing someone elses, that they gave me to put on.

A boss of mine, just idle office chatter.  He stated, "I just don't get some people.  Feeling stuck in a rut is not hard to be, but if you do not like what state you are in, just change the way you think about it."

This concept, I resisted at first.  And I was not speaking my mind, to whit. How does one change HOW one thinks? It seemed at first, he was trying to suggest I could find some benefit to think positively about abuse, and corners I felt trapped in.  This is largely an exercise in circular descent to irrational tilting planes of existential angst for me, usually.

But, my connections get weird, but try to follow my thoughts.  These took several months to understand for me..concept to action.

I thought about my feelings, what was most prominent.  Fear, apathy, sorrow, grief, anger....and tears more and more often.
Of course, I knew the source of them all...still trying to fix me. I could point to my losses of late, I attached to each one. But I was still tired of these feelings that were burying me, I needed some up to attach to, rise above all these feelings I hate.

So I decided to purposefully call up the happiest points in my mind, I could find, and immerse myself in those memories as a counter to so much sorrow. This is changing what I thought about...and still is avoidance.  I love amusement parks, and those memories I turned to explore.  I made a connection to adrenaline, as the source of excitement or fear.  Yes, they are the same, the only difference lies in How you think about the triggering cause.  Roller coasters are my greatest joyride. Loops, pulling g's, centrifugal forces, every year the 'impatience" or anxiety kept me up the night before going to six flags, the night was so long, but so sweet savoring.

This helped me to face my fears, and recharacterize my anxiety, as..expectation of greater things to come.  So to restore a bit of anticipation and less dread, the future is still unknown....but I have one, and that beats being dead.

[arpy1]

i like that, emovulcan.  fear transformed into anticipation - i am not sure i can do that yet, but one day...

nonetheless, it reminded me of something i remember every now and then about finding my joy. it's important to me to recognise and make the most of the things that give me joy - mostly it's little things, i love colours, flowers and plants, the way the light constantly changes on the fir trees at the bottom of the garden, the sound of the kids in the park near my flat, the sunshine coming in through the patio doors in my south-facing lounge, the fairy lights i have on my wall, driving out on a perfect autumn day, all small joys that remind me there is beauty and good in the world i have to inhabit.

thank you for the reminder. peace to you 

[EmoVulcan]

Arpy1 yes, there is great joy and beauty in the world, that is the thing which have to accept, I think.
I mean even within ourselves.  Bring all of our disconnected parts into a cohesive functional being with purpose.  That is simple as stated, the application is the work to do so.  The thing for me is to make sense of it all, in a way that I can more easily internalize my 'new' self as a whole, greater than the sum of my parts.  Something for all of us to think about, we are in a sense to create ourselves, or re-create what was shattered.  To be, in a sense, born again, mind, body, and spirit as one, so that we are all united, and our inside can match our outside, in truth, appearance and action. That is to love and care for ourselves first, we must do it, put it into our daily practice, as much as we can take, and rest from the effort when needed, pay attention to how we physically and emotionally feel to know what we need.

I love when things fall into place. we can get it together, by understanding who we really are as a composite, but synergistic union, of a whole being.  To accept those things or events happened, but we do not have to identify with them. We can let them go, be unposessed of our demons.  Feeling pretty enlightened at this moment, and all space headed.
Need to ground. I am learning.