new here. might trigger

[Hima]

hi, i grew up in domestic violence and isolation... no telephone... in the middle of no where.. no escape... went to school that was about it... parents took drugs... they could no cope. I was sexually abused at age 17 and thought there was no escape... then ended up in a locked ward of a psych hospital with no escape. hard to write about. Had other sexual abuse also and emotional... often feel suicidal especially around my period time. I am a mother of one daughter... to messed up to have more children... i am sort of married... we got divorced as my moods etc were to much... but we got back together. I have anger issues.. isolation... unable to socialise much... feel like a freak most of the time. I am an artist... studied art... got a degree... unable to work ... on a disability pension. Found this site... was looking for support... just before my period now... feeling like i cant cope.

[KayFly]

Aww. I just wanna give you a big 

Welcome Hima,

Here you will find other individuals who have experienced similar trauma's. We all work here together to get through obstacles, big and small. We listen and share and it is a safe place to be heard and learn what you need to learn here. You are supported.

I am so sorry to hear about your terrible past. I grew up in an isolated home (granted I had a telephone) and was molested by both of my parents and physically beaten, emotionally and spiritually abused.  That manifested into other later sexual abuse, and bad relationships.  I was also in a psychiatric ward for a bit. I felt grateful for that experience though.

Many of us here have social anxieties, anger problems, I personally have isolated a lot which led to more depression.

I also am an artist. What kind of artwork do you like to do?

I'm a singer-songwriter, actor, and I write screenplays, journals and I also love to paint for therapy. I love art. Its a good outlet when we are going through troubling times.

Make sure that if you are feeling suicidal to reach out for help. There is an "If you are in Crisis" Tab at the top right of this page.  There is regulation around talking about it on this site. Make sure you talk with the Moderators or the Site Manager if you need help with that. They are really awesome and helpful.

I'm really glad you are here. We are a blanket of support to fall back on. Way to reach out!  Wishing you resolution and so much healing.

[arpy1]

Hey Hima, just to say sending you a  and standing with you - 
i have found it's helped so much to be able to get stuff out here and have other people say 'oh yeah i really get that'. and there's a lot of support to be had from hearing how other people get thro stuff that you can't see a way forward in.

(funny too, how so many of us here are creatives, too. i used to have a little pottery studio, back in the day when i was working. money ran out tho)

you're not on your own. 

[Hima]

Kayfly, thanks for the understanding words... sorry you have suffered also... yep i isolate a lot... have for years and I am sure it contributes to my depressions... but i dont know how else to live... I am socialising to tiny extents now with my daughter's friend's mothers.

I am a visual artist... been working with colour pencil at the moment... also like to write but it is hard to get my head together... I have written short fictional stories but just for myself.

isolation is so hard as a kid... and trauma with no support network is so much worse.

Thanks for welcoming me.

hima

[Hima]

oohh and K.. thanks for the hug

[Hima]

aply1, thanks for the hug and standing with me  
So good to find this place.. I have been reading some of the posts... i really feel that CPTSD is what i have... it is such a relief to understand what has been happening to me...

Creativity is such a great outlet. I did pottery in my 1st year of my visual arts degree at university.. clay feels so soothing Great to know so many of us here are creative... i guess that is how we survived !

hima