Cried today - outer critic seems unstoppable

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hello
I cried today as my outer critic seems unstoppable especially towards my fiancé
It feels liberating yet painful to be aware of what comes out of my mouth but yet seem powerless to do anything to change it --

My voice says critical , controlling stuff not accepting of other people

I know this is my mother talking and the ingrained pattern in me -

I don't want to be this - I want to get rid
By the same token in light of how I was criticised judged and worse - I know I'm not being abusive but my behaviour is less than ideal

Any experience on this area appreciated ....
I just received p walker book but am away at present so don't have access to it

For now I am going to visualise a STOP sign before I react - breathe and am hoping this will give me time for my brain to engage in better responses
Feel low today ...😕

Any ideas things that have helped others I appreciate

[Dutch Uncle]

Any experience on this area appreciated ....
I just received p walker book but am away at present so don't have access to it

I can't help you much on this, since I only discovered the whole concept of the Outer Critic a mere days ago 

Here's a link to (a) Pete Walker's article on it. Perhaps you read that online.
http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/ShrinkingOuterCritic.pdf


Crying is good (I think)

[Boatsetsailrose]

#trigger warning #

Thank you was helpful to read that ..
Am now safe and sound back at home and have the p walker book at the bedside..

Outer critic was on this morning and I can't seem to have any stop point between thought and behaviour -
Is so upsetting and I feel I flashback and am my mother standing in that moment -
I'm not of course and I don't fire out of my mouth anything like the past - but the self reproach was full on this morning.

It's scarey

So I have faith that I will learn some techniques and gain control -
I am in early recovery for eating too so it's all
Feelings are go as well as irritability
Time is a healer

Best wishes

[Butterfly]

One step at a time and just keep trying. It's good you recognize it, this is a start. It took me a while to get the hang of thought stopping both the inner and outer critic. But for me recognizing it was a step in the right direction.

[Kizzie]

Hi Boatsetsailsrose - Sorry to hear your Outer Critic is in full force. If you can't quite get the thought stopping technique going right now, perhaps instead of directing at others IRL, you could sit down and let the anger go in a letter or yell into a pillow and pound the bed to defuel it?

If you're like so many of us your IC may be really upset right now and may need you to let her be angry (but direct it at her/your abusers), and then soothe her, tell her it's OK to be angry and that you will look out for her.   Not a psychologist but it has worked for me so just a suggestion from the front lines of CPTSD