Revisiting Trauma

[missbliss]

So, consider that perhaps going back to exactly the same moments the trauma occurred - being there in body, mind, consciousness- the whole nine yards. You're there in feeling - everything that ever went down. Fully aware of the players, what they did, how they reacted, when, how, where and what happened after.

The ONLY difference is - this time - you have your weapon ready. So this weapon can do everything in the world, everything but do major bodily harm. What can it do?

It can render someone helpless by freezing them.
It can seal their lips.
It can tie their hands.
It can keep them seated without being able to get up and walk out.
It can serve as a mirror to them, i.e. every thing they did to you is now replayed back to them on a screen and they have no choice but to feel what you felt back then - and/or continue to feel now. They feel EVERYTHING.
It can replay the above in their minds till they beg for it to stop.
It can bring down an angelic being that will explain to them what they did, why they did it, how it effect you and had ramifications for countless others as well. This angelic being can be a warrior angel. The more fierce, the better in this case. The weapon after all, is serving as a SEVERING device. It cuts the chords and it stops the cycle - so fierceness is a virtue.
It can transform the past - by going INTO the past, clearing the past up, cutting chords and teaching the villians, stopping the cycle, the past IS changed.

This weapon is available and will take the form of anything you choose. It will only work when the desire is for good. It will not work for evil intents. To correct and to teach. Then the weapon is laid down and we can walk forward without fear, only courage.

[Kizzie]

Wishful thinking on my part but my 'weapon' would be a magic wand which would relieve my parents of their personality disorder and addiction by validating and healing the trauma that got them to that place and caused them to abuse me, and their parents before them and so on up the line until the seeds of the trauma cycle never were planted.

It's not going to happen of course, but it helps to think in these terms and see the larger picture of how my FOO and I ended up in a trauma cycle.  It also reminds me that I can break the cycle by recovering.

[stillhere]

What a fabulous 'weapon"!  What magic it would work, if only . . . .
   
If it could rewrite the past, I'd ask it to heal my FOO, going back generations, back to people I've never heard of, let alone known.  I'd ask it to back far enough to get to the roots of the misery that was clearly visited on those I have known.

Thinking about this weapon differently, though, might be somehow therapeutic.  Using it to talk back, where talking back was dangerous, could make it act in my behalf.  Making it force recognition and demand change would make it my advocate.  It would explain FOO behavior politely, but if its reception were hostile, it would bring more ammunition, forcing change.  Most important, it would stick around, so old patterns would no longer be acceptable.

If I could imagine such a confrontation, maybe it would clear my head.