Possible Trigger

[raindrop]

Its hard to find words after so many years trying to find the right words to describe what its like to be me.
so i made a small list:

sexual abuse age 6-10
recalling the abuse age 13
therapist
psychiatrists
hospitalization
endless medication
major depression
ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy)
eating disorders ( bulimia,anorexia)
self cutting
Depersonalization Disorder
Derealization Disorder
suicidal attempts
sexual harassment
sexual assault( age 17)

complex PTSD.... very complex...
I'm not in the same place i used to be when i was younger ( I'm 28), i worked hard to get where i am today. got married last month to the most wonderful man in the world( we have been together for 10 and a half years). I'm a student at my 3 year studying to be a therapist for youth at risk. i have beautiful days full of life, fun and love...
i have an amazing therapist for the last 2 and half years ( never hang around so long)
but still...
there are days like this where a feel like that list....sad and painful, where even breathing hurts, days where all the good just disappears  and I'm left to put my self back together again because tomorrow is a new day...
where i live there is not much awareness for c/ptsd.. so i keep searching for a place where i can feel understood even buy not saying a word...

thanks for reading,
have a wonderful night...or day...

me.

[EmoVulcan]

Hi raindrop 
There are people here who will get you, understand you, and support you as much as they are able.  I am new, too...but this is an answer to my prayers, I have a list that could be yours...mostly self diagnosed as I searched for answers to becoming unable to function after 45 years from child abuse, to domestic violence, and of course, verbal abuse is nearly a constant.
I was pretty together, until life derailed with economic crash, and I had no back-up plan...the first one was get degree and get away from abuse..have not accomplished but an associate degree, and just now addressing abuse issues.
You helped me, with an insight...feelings are indeed different than emotions!  And there is a feeling to love! (Emanates from the heart.) I had kids, definitely remember this feeling and emotion after birth..pitocin causes the emotion, and you have to notice the feeling to associate the two in your mind!  I never really thought of the two being separate.
Most of the things in your list are being recognized as common symptoms, through sharing info. 
So welcome!
Look around, post questions, someone will direct you, or help you, or at least support you.  The people here are friendly, and somewhere along the path of healing like we are.  We all are like explorers, of ourselves, and our injury, trying to heal and help the healers to help us heal.