Awakening..

[MizDidzi]

Hello, I am early 45, an Australian, married twice, and recovering from a colossal breakdown, which I nearly didn't make it through 3 times. The initial diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder & General Anxiety Disorder, with episodes of Anxiety Hysteria. I had experience a lot of stressful life events, and fell apart. At the core, base & end of every closure was my lack of Self-Worth, my exaggerated self-hatred, the anticipation that something bad was always about to happen and that I truly deserved it. Why? Because I have stripped back through my damaged self to understand, what I live with is Complex PTSD caused by my Father, a Narcissistic Sociopath. The fact that books, forums, support groups & help exists for this illness, is enough to cause more tears, but of relief this time. I am not actually defective, inferior and worthless. I am a product of someone's own insecurities, I have been the power supply to feed his control need & energy for public charm. and then the adoration he gets from others, gives him power to crucify my Mother & I. Yesterday, after many months of pulling back from him further and further, I had a verbal outburst at him and burned all bridges. He jointly owns with my Mother, the house I rent, and as their marriage disintegrates, I will support her and manage our changing living arrangements. But as of yesterday, I broke free, on my true journey to recovery and a happy life.....

[EmoVulcan]

Hi awakening, 

You sound like you have come a long way on your journey.  I am sorry you have lived through so much already.
But you made a decision, and your mom as well? That is brave, to leave, and support your mom! 
Welcome, look around this is a great site with lots of references and material that people have posted.  The forums are a great source for information, if you do not find what you need, post a question, someone will get it to the proper area to get answered, or direct you to find it, or offer what they can.
I am fairly new, myself, but everyone is friendly, lots of knowledge, and this forum and the site are helping us understand what C-PTSD is and we help make a treatment plan, for yourself, for the psych/med fields (well, I think mind is in body; mind affects body; ergo mind and body is one organism to treat as a whole) to catch up to this.  Our task is ourselves, who we have to love, so that is where you start. Find out what you need, to begin loving yourself.