unable to feel anger

[Dutch Uncle]

I'm responding 'top-of-the-head' here (I'm in a bit of a state, can't think straight. But this is from the heart. For what it's worth):

When I went to get my SCID-II test the psychologist said to me: "Uncle, some people just don't accept any boundaries."

I too have long struggled with 'feeling' or 'expressing' anger. I still suck at it, I'm afraid.
For me, having lived so long in an environment of people who don't accept/acknowledge any boundaries, not even those 'vented' by anger, rage, fist-thumping, yelling, screaming etc etc has simply made me give up on expressing anger. It never worked.
But nothing else ever worked either.

It has worked with other people though. Normal people. And today I'm not shy to call them normal, and the others abnormal. 

Sure, I've went to far at times. At the normal people.
I apologized.
Things usually returned to normal after that.

I can't show normal anger, since I've been for so long confronted by people who don't care if I'm angry or not.
Most people do though.
I may learn.

[woodsgnome]

Recently, I've found huge relief from  what's called "angering". Now I know what works in that regard for me. But one time it went horribly bad, so a few words in case anyone might consider what I once tried. Not saying it wouldn't work--but I learned it doesn't always pan out, either.

I was in a 5 night "intensive" group that featured lots of interactive stuff, mostly voluntary. The participants were random--we didn't know each other previously. It was a group of 12 overall periodically split into 3-4 person smaller sessions. One of the techniques I was impressed by was what was a "safe" anger release technique that some had tried.  It seemed to have had a positive outcome for them, so despite being hesitant I was so eager to shed my pent-up anger that I volunteered to give it a go. It was "safe", right?   

The leader (not a T) carefully set out the procedure and ground rules--2 or 3 fellow volunteers agreed to take on the "role/voices" of an abuser; I taught them the words that triggered me, and they did the "role".

The recipient, in this case me, had a rubber bat with which to hit a pillow if they wanted, and could vocalize anything in whatever fashion short of overt harm. I'd seen the relief from others, was eager, and it started okay.

They performed their roles, said the words, and my anger flared at the memories they induced. It went horribly sour, though, when all of a sudden I started to shift the most intense anger back on myself, boomerang-style. All that hate I turned on me. The role-players continued, 'til it was obvious I was in great distress. In retrospect, I feel the leader let it roll on too long, but more to the point, I realized how deep-seated my self-hatred really was. I turned all that  anger back on myself.

I only bring it up here to make others aware of rushing into even a "safe" procedure. Whenever anger is involved, it can get a little crazy. Bottom line for me is that I discovered the depths of my self-hate. Sure, I suppose it could have been better guided, but I was sooo eager to experience the joy of even temporary relief. It was one of those desperate things we try on this lousy trip with cptsd.

[Dutch Uncle]

But one time it went horribly bad, so a few words in case anyone might consider what I once tried. [...]

, woodsgnome.
and  again. 

[tired]

It's possible that you process anger quickly on the spot and you're done so it doesn't get bottled up etc.
my daughter has always been like that. She gets mad quickly then talks about it right away and after ten minutes she's over it. She is one of those people who talks to herself out loud and I think that helps her.

[Dutch Uncle]

She is one of those people who talks to herself out loud and I think that helps her.

I've started to talk out loud to myself as well, about two years ago.
It's been a great tool to get a lot of unresolved anger out.
It has also made me more assertive when I need to be angry 'on the spot'. I don't get mad, I don't fly into a rage or anything, I can now more articulate in addressing what I perceive as a boundary violation. And I have found the courage now to raise my voice as well when needed. Shout even: "No, No, NO!" 

[arpy1]

just re-read this thread and it's really useful. however i don't feel i have made much progress in the last couple of months in the things we've talked about.  the whole idea of boundaries and asserting my right to say NO is such a hot potato for me. i have to sidle round the edges of the subject to avoid getting triggered into panic and melt down.  ho hum...