What do you do after you've had a flashback?

[arpy1]

really good comments, made me cry! i am beginning to see why this is such a valuable exercise, being able to be anonymous and honest at the same time. it feels a bit more safe, when it's too frightening to talk to people at all in the normal way of things.

Woodsgnome, thank you for your kind comment, appreciate it.    and i had a thought, if it were me and i liked chopping wood but didn't need it to burn, i'd maybe use some to make/build something beautiful outside. then you get all the pleasure of chopping it and creating something pleasing on top. me, i used to be a potter but i ran out of money and wellness, so all my good creative ideas are stuck inside my head. hope you don't mind me saying that.

and Dutch Uncle, thanks for that article link, it helped, even tho it made me cry (just a bad day/week/month today). this article i read really helped me identify what an EF is, and realise that is what is happening to me.   cold comfort, you might think, but i found it helpful to know that i wasn't just making it all up or being an idiot. in fact the whole website is very useful.                                                   http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf

[Dutch Uncle]

Thanks for the link, arpy1.

I'm glad the article I posted has touched and helped you.

[I like vanilla]

If I am at work which is often (like Tiasarah I find it is usually an inconvenient time) I try and find someplace with some privacy, e.g. an out of the way washroom, and breathe, just breathe. I focus on breathing in and out gently and slowly.

If I am able to do anything I want I still try and go somewhere on my own and I still breathe.

Either way, I also try and touch base with my IC and my Inner Teenager, and whichever of my other 'Inner Selves' need to be heard. I find quite often it is one of them more so than the others that is upset. I try and speak to that one gently, reassuring her that she is safe and that I love her and will always protect and care for her. If I am at home, I often hug my (actually, my IC's) big teddy bear. It feels good and also helps me to have the sense of holding my IC.

If I am at home, like many of the people who have already responded, I like to take a warm bath and drink herbal tea. Often I also need a nap, or at least a good lie down.

[Dutch Uncle]

I'm posting this here since I am still trying to grab the concept/the essence/the signals/ the effects of an EF.

So this in essence an (self-)inquiry about having one and how I have dealt with it.

Since my female sibling caught me by surprise with her stupid invitation for her birthday party (which was in fact a lure to get me back in the enmeshment/co-dependent relationship I have broken by going NC) I have been 'lazy' (Inner Critic), dysfunctional (idem), tense, pre-occupied and somewhat obsessed (all valid and non-judgemental observations).

Now that this weekend has passed without any further infringements on my boundaries, I feel much calmer and positive.
When my female parent phoned me last week, my (possible) EF state heightened again, even though I dealt with it OK by refusing to even look at the message she has left.
I did prepare for possible Flying Monkeys (which would be male parent and male sibling), wrote short, concise and clear-cut replies I would have wanted to give them, if they would show up. I was pretty confident they wouldn't though, and I was right. "Yay us!", I'd say.
It felt good to be prepared though, I knew then I'd have a safety net in place in case they would call. I could answer the phone if I felt up to it, and just read out the prepared statement. And statements they would have been. No JADE.
Actually having these notes ready already made me confident I would actually be able to pick up the phone and thus stay in contact with them.

So actually I think I survived another EF, that lasted for weeks probably (not in the least since the poo was stirred, through no fault of my own), and I did so in a constructive way, that has helped me in my recovery. I've gained experience in maintaining NC with my female sibling and LC with the female parent, and gained trust I would be able to talk with the others on my resilient stance regarding my NC. And I'm glad to see that even if both Flying Monkeys have been approached/lured, they haven't fallen for the trap. I was right in surmising I wouldn't hear from them.

I haven't received any reproach by my two uHPD's (yet ), so that feels terribly good as well.

Thanks for reading.

[arpy1]

Wow! i stand in awe, D/U. big respect for how you handled all of it. i am guessing from what you wrote the party weekend has passed? huge sighs of relief all round. 

it does sound like you've maybe been in a bit of a constant EF, from what you describe. but just look at how incredibly you've dealt with it.  i especially like the bit about writing statements just in case you get a call.  that is so sensible, recognising what is triggering you into fear and anxiety and taking what control was possible, before it turned into a crisis. having a Plan (don't it always feel better if you have a Plan!?)  i'm gonna file that away as a useful strategy, myself.

definitely YAY YOU!!   

[Sesame]

Whenever I have an EF, all I can do is run away (if possible) and cry. Or maybe that is part of the EF itself. After that, I try my best to calm down by giving myself a nice snack, doing something I like, confiding in someone who loves and cares about me. I also take it easy because I am completely drained after an episode. I feel weak, shaky, tired and emotionally numb afterwards. Recently, I have also started journalling about trauma and anything happening right now that relates to that (so an EF would count). I haven't had an EF since I started, but I find it has helped me otherwise.

[tired]

I try to distract myself and dissociate with food because I don't know what to do.  I become selfish because suddenly I have to stop and take care of only me and my discomfort. I feel like my mother and that's just another ef too add to the mix so I have to tell myself I'm not that bad.  I suspect part of the pep talk is true but part is lies to appease myself when I've been harsh with the kids or something.