Hurting mother - I have CPTSD

[hurtingmother]

Hi,

My kids and I have been through *.   But the story starts with me.  One of my parents is a narcissist, and from that narcissism, I developed CPTSD although I didn't know it.  I tried to escape both it and her by marrying my husband.  And guess what!?  He's a narcissist too.  (We marry that with which we are familiar.)  I'm separated from him now and there is no going back.  But now I am right back at square one.  I have to deal with CPTSD.  I will be seeing a PTSD specialist in the next couple of days.  I really need to kick this because my kids need me.  There is no other option.  I am there mother.  I love them.  And I am desperate to be better than what I've been as a result of being a victim to not one but two narcissists.  Any advise or encouragement would be really great right now.  I am horrified at what I have discovered, but glad too because it all makes perfect sense as I look back over the years.  (Hind sight is always 20/20, isn't it?)  My heart is broken and any encouragement or advice would be great if any of you are willing to give.

Thanks,

Hurting Mother

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi hurtingmother 

Welcome to Out of the Storm. Quite a history you have had, leaving one narcissist for another (as it turned out). It's so hard you have contracted cPTSD as a result. I can relate. 

It's great you'll be visiting a PTSD specialist, and I hope (s)he's aware of cPTSD as well. The two have an overlap, but they certainly also have their specific 'character'.

I really need to kick this because my kids need me.  There is no other option.  I am there mother.  I love them.  And I am desperate to be better than what I've been as a result of being a victim to not one but two narcissists.  Any advise or encouragement would be really great right now.

Perhaps not as encouraging as you'd like or had hoped for, but 'kicking' cPTSD is quite a long process or as we often assure ourselves and others on this board: "It takes baby steps." Yet, you have started on the journey and that is huge.  for that!
On this board we have a section on experiences with Parenting in relation to our cPTSD. That might help you, and will be a good section to post in with anything parenting-related.

In the cPTSD Glossary you may find a lot that may resonate with your experiences. A few highlights to start your journey with:
On cPTSD
On Boundaries

Welcome again, I hope and wish this place and community will give you comfort and be of aid on your journey through cPTSD. Our Guidelines for All Members and Guests are here to ensure this a safe environment for you and it will give you an idea of the community we create with each other.


Dutch Uncle.

[Kizzie]

Hi HurtingMom and a warm welcome to OOTS   

Dutch has pointed out some key resources but I just wanted to add one from Out of the Fog, our sister site as it concerns talking to children about a parent with a personality disorder.  The link is http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/5/talking-to-kids. 

There's also a great article called   "A Love Letter to the Cycle Breakers" from a daughter who saw and appreciated her father's efforts to break the cycle of trauma.

I hope you find either or both helpful.

Kizzie

[Phoenix]

Welcome!!!! I hope you can find comfort and support here - I certainly have!
and your kids are already lucky to have a mother like you because you are willing to face your demons and fears and fight for yourself and for them!!!!

Kizzie - thank you for sharing that letter... I just read it and it means so so much.

Hurting mother - I too am struggling with CPTSD and motherhood. Because of my childhood, I can't and won't have biological children of my own... but I currently have two incredible foster daughters and motherhood is kicking my butt (and triggering my CPTSD in a major way). If you ever want to share war stories or commiserate or just vent a little - I'm all ears! and if you didn't get a chance - definitely read the link Kizzie included... just brought me to tears while inspiring me to keep fighting!!!