Job Interview question about my FOO

[narcfree2016]

So I have major anxiety re: job interviews, and today, out of blue, the interviewer asked me questions about my FOO.  I recovered quickly (and lied) of course, but it threw me for a loop.

I would love to be able to say, "We are not close," but I got the distinct sense that it would be a black mark against me and I really need this job.

Any thoughts on how to handle this (God forbid) that it comes up in the future?

[Dutch Uncle]

My first reaction is: what a strange question. Inappropriate even. I can't see how your relationship with(in) your FOO could have anything to do with the job. Possible caveat: you're applying for a job as family-therapist, adoption-agency or something. (but even then. *? Professional standards please: no personal circumstances should come into play there either)

Any thoughts on how to handle this (God forbid) that it comes up in the future?

My gut reaction is I hope I'll have the courage to say: "My FOO is none of your, nor this job's interview business."
But I think your "We are not close" is an excellent answer as well. And if they keep prying on the 'why'/'how come' something like: "Good question, I haven't got a clue" might even be a truthful answer, right?

I hope you'll get the job you really need. :fingers crossed:

[Indigochild]

Yes, that is a strange question Narcfree.
IM not sure fi this is the right thing to do, but there are questions such as, *how do yo handle adversity?*
and abuse etc. is adverse. You have come from an adverse situation, adverse childhood conditions.
Im not sure if they would see the truth as a black mark against you, but maybe saying that due to adverse conditions, a relationship with them is not possible.
Depends i guess weather or not they ask you to explain it.
There could be a way for you to say that you survived adverse childhood conditions and that it has made you a stronger person today...mabye saying how you survived...but it would all have to sound really good, because it is a great way to survive but would they be happy with,
ie. well, i developed flighty OCD, or disassociated a lot?
If you said that your survival mechanism was creative way to survive, it might go down well...
these are just my thoughts.
I have always wondered if this one would be a good thing to say in answer to adverse conditions, but they might see it as too personal...?

Hope that was some help, and i hope your ok after that and the interview.

[narcfree2016]

My first reaction is: what a strange question. Inappropriate even. I can't see how your relationship with(in) your FOO could have anything to do with the job. Possible caveat: you're applying for a job as family-therapist, adoption-agency or something. (but even then. *? Professional standards please: no personal circumstances should come into play there either)

Any thoughts on how to handle this (God forbid) that it comes up in the future?

My gut reaction is I hope I'll have the courage to say: "My FOO is none of your, nor this job's interview business."
But I think your "We are not close" is an excellent answer as well. And if they keep prying on the 'why'/'how come' something like: "Good question, I haven't got a clue" might even be a truthful answer, right?

I hope you'll get the job you really need. :fingers crossed:

Thank you

[SoulSinger]

Wow, that is really invasive and possibly illegal in your state. I don't think employers can ask about family. I wouldn't take a job with a company that asked me that during an interview. It borders on the now definitely illegal question they used to ask women, "When are you planning to start a family?"

You could, in self defence, ask why they need to know. It may even be the opposite of what you think. They may actually prefer someone NOT close to family. We're easier to exploit to work on holidays and for overtime. Those of us in NC, don't ask to leave for Christmas and Easter holidays a week early to fly home to see our parents!

But ultimately, I would be cautious about working with a company who allows such personal questions. It can only get worse.

[narcfree2016]

Wow, that is really invasive and possibly illegal in your state. I don't think employers can ask about family. I wouldn't take a job with a company that asked me that during an interview. It borders on the now definitely illegal question they used to ask women, "When are you planning to start a family?"

You could, in self defence, ask why they need to know. It may even be the opposite of what you think. They may actually prefer someone NOT close to family. We're easier to exploit to work on holidays and for overtime. Those of us in NC, don't ask to leave for Christmas and Easter holidays a week early to fly home to see our parents!

But ultimately, I would be cautious about working with a company who allows such personal questions. It can only get worse.

I would agree with this...however I have gone through two layoffs in the last four years, and had to take the job anyway.  I am fairly certain that the owner (my new boss) is a narcissist- he stands a bit too close for my liking.  His new thing is that he wants me to 'text' him any time I have work-related questions.  Not falling for it.   

[narcfree2016]

My first reaction is: what a strange question. Inappropriate even. I can't see how your relationship with(in) your FOO could have anything to do with the job. Possible caveat: you're applying for a job as family-therapist, adoption-agency or something. (but even then. *? Professional standards please: no personal circumstances should come into play there either)

Any thoughts on how to handle this (God forbid) that it comes up in the future?

My gut reaction is I hope I'll have the courage to say: "My FOO is none of your, nor this job's interview business."
But I think your "We are not close" is an excellent answer as well. And if they keep prying on the 'why'/'how come' something like: "Good question, I haven't got a clue" might even be a truthful answer, right?

I hope you'll get the job you really need. :fingers crossed:

I did get the job - my new boss is really sketchy though.

[Dutch Uncle]

I did get the job - my new boss is really sketchy though.

Will you have to deal a lot with the boss personally?
Trust your gut and if it starts to become too unpleasant, look out for other jobs perhaps?
But for now, congrats on a 'job' well done, and enjoy the employment you so much needed. Every success counts! Yay you!  :you rock:
Pocket the money!

[narcfree2016]

I did get the job - my new boss is really sketchy though.

Will you have to deal a lot with the boss personally?
Trust your gut and if it starts to become too unpleasant, look out for other jobs perhaps?
But for now, congrats on a 'job' well done, and enjoy the employment you so much needed. Every success counts! Yay you!  :you rock:
Pocket the money!

Thank you.   

I will report directly to the boss.  However, if he touches me inappropriately he risks losing his hand.