I faced a trigger today

[Crochet Addict]

When I was a teenager, my dad choked me to the point of blacking out. So anything involving throat pressure or not being able to breathe triggers me. It used to be so bad that if I had a cold I'd sit bolt upright in bed panicking if I got really stuffed up in my sleep. Today My 16 month old and I were cuddling in our recliner and he slammed himself into my throat and grabbed my hair. All the memories resurfaced and I panicked from the pain/lack of air for a few seconds, then calmly detached him and held him. I thought about why this triggered me and separated the situations- my father's abuse and my son's roughhousing both hurt me in similar ways, but my son's actions were involuntary. He's a baby- pulling hair and climbing people are his thing right now. He didn't do it purposefully, to hurt me. Something has been sitting oddly with me about the memories coming back up and I think it's that I'm looking back at it and I'm so glad I reacted the way I did, instead of letting the panic take over.

[Dutch Uncle]

Wow. Progress indeed. 

I'm sorry for the abuse your dad inflicted on you. That's horrid. 


Congrats on your son. I'm wishing you many baby steps alongside him.