Body Dysmorphia?

[mourningdove]

Does anyone else have this? If so, what works for you in terms of coping???

Sometimes it gets so bad that I actually feel guilty for going to the grocery store, because the employees have no choice but to look at me when I go through the check-out line. Sometimes it makes me feel like I should not exist.

Description of body dysmorphia I found online:

What are the Signs and Symptoms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

Body dysmorphic disorder (body dysmorphia) describes a condition where a person can't stop thinking about one or more perceived flaws with her appearance. The flaw can either be minor or one that is imagined. Seen from an outside perspective, the obsession with these flaws will seem unnecessary or baseless, but to the person, her appearance seems so shameful and distressing that in some cases she won't want to be seen by anyone.

Body dysmorphia has sometimes been called imagined ugliness. Body dysmorphic disorder is also occasionally referred to as dysmorphophobia, or the fear of having a deformity.

Signs and symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder include:

    preoccupation with physical appearance, similar to anorexia nervosa and bulimia
    belief that one has an abnormality or defect in appearance that makes her ugly
    frequently looking in the mirror
    avoiding mirrors altogether
    believing that others take special notice of ones appearance in a negative way
    frequent cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction
    excessive grooming, such as hair plucking
    feeling extremely self-conscious
    refusing to appear in pictures
    skin picking
    comparing appearance with that of others
    avoiding social situations
    wearing excessive makeup or clothing to camouflage perceived flaws

Signs of body dysmorphic disorder may include obsessive concern over various physical features such as:

    nose
    hair
    skin
    moles or freckles
    acne and blemishes
    baldness
    breast size
    muscle size
    genitalia

What are the Effects of Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

It is not uncommon for a person with body dysmorphia to intensely obsess over her appearance and body image, often for many hours a day. She may seek out numerous cosmetic procedures to try to fix her perceived flaws but will never be satisfied.

A person may change which body feature is the center of focus over time. She may be so convinced about her perceived flaws that she begins imagining something about her body that's not true, no matter how much someone tries to convince her otherwise. Similar to anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders, the intense subjective and implacable nature of this condition can cause it to be very trying for those close to the person. The intensity of shame and embarrassment about her appearance that body dysmorphic disorder causes cannot be overstated.

[Danaus plexippus]

Kati Morton has many YouTube videos on all of the above mentioned stuff. Kati is a licensed therapist specializing in eating disorders and self harm. She has a pleasant cheerful voice. Sometimes I replay her videos just to cheer myself up and reinforce her advice. I have Disordered Eating and often buy clothes 3 or 4 sizes too large for myself and really believe these over sized clothes fit me. It took several people commenting "Why are you wearing such baggy clothes?" before I began to realize the whole rest of the world does not see  what I see when I look at my self. Months ago I bought something in my real size and was afraid to even try it on. Thanks to Therapy, Meds, good friends and Kati Morton's videos I am wearing those pants today. I'm still wearing a baggy tunic over them, but as we say here "baby steps."

[mourningdove]

Thanks, Danaus. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to make some progress with clothing size. That's wonderful! Thanks also for the video recommendation. I will check it out. 

[steamy]

Yes, I think that I have some dysmorphia, although in I believe its a little more complicated. I spent a lot of years in the gym lifting very heavy weights, I became very fit, extremely muscular and very strong, I believed that people would love me if I looked amazing. This is partially societal, people are concerned with how they appear to others, in fact a few months ago my son said to me that he was not getting any sex because he thought he was not "buff".

On the other hand I was also looking for a release of unexpressed anger, the aggressive me was not welcome in my middle class world, and was relegated to the gym, this persona I called the "gym guy," my T and I met him during our Gestalt sessions. The second thing was that my experience in the gym lifting heavy weights was that it was euphoric, I would come away from my workouts, feeling like I had spoken directly to God. I have never experienced anything like it.

Ultimately, I didn't see my body as being lean and muscular, only that I just looked normal.

[bruisednotbroken]

I definitely have this to a degree. I would say that it is bad when I have any sort of additional stress and/or am in the midst of an EF. I become convinced that I am disgusting, ugly, and just plain horrible to look at. I almost feel bad for other people if they have to be in my presence.

I'm only now (at age 44) realizing that this stems directly from always being told that my sister was "the pretty one", and I was "the smart one". I've really been trying hard to let these feelings go, but sometimes when I'm in a particularly vulnerable state, nothing I tell myself seems to work.

.... And, now that I think about it, my sister is always convinced she is stupid despite her obvious intelligence.

[felloutofthesky]

I have body dysmorphia but have also struggled with an eating disorder since age 11 which of course contributed greatly to that.

The two most helpful things I have found are 1) Focusing on things my body can DO rather than what it looks like (for me, that is aerial arts but it could be anything that serves the same purpose) and 2) trusting close friends to tell me what I look like and knowing that what I am seeing in the mirror is being distorted by my brain. It's still pretty tricky but those are the most helpful things I have found.

I also notice when I am feeling particularly anxious / depressed or not sleeping or eating enough, it gets much worse. So taking care of yourself can also help. 

[LookInside]

I have this, but I rarely address it. I obsess with my image. My partner always says that I am too hard on myself. It comes in waves though. Sometimes I am fine with my image, but other times I can't stand the look of myself, but like right now I could tell you, I am a really healthy, good looking, strong young woman.

[Dee]

I am anorexic, so yes, I have an issue with this.  My T has me working in a book "the body image workbook" by Thomas Cash.  It is super helpful.  Sometimes it is hard, but anything good is worth fighting for.  It has helped me.  Am I totally better? no, I have a long way to go.  I do understand myself more and I work to change my thinking.  I can honestly say, while I am unhappy with the way I look, I don't beat myself up as much.  I am far more aware and I accept my perception is often incorrect.

My avatar is for anorexia and for secrets.  I hope to break away some day.

[movementforthebetter]

Hi mourningdove.

Yes, I have it too, but haven't addressed it much. It's always seemed secondary to my emotional state or physical health. One day I hope to focus on it in more detail. Like lookinside I find I am fine sometimes and other times totally not ok. I try to do my best day by day.

The main coping tool I have right now is just enforcing minimum standards of self care for myself, which I am still habit-forming around.

My everyday rules:
Eat breakfast and take meds
Shower and make it count. Exfoliate.
Brush teeth and floss! At least twice per day.
Get excercise/get outside! Shower again if needed.
Try to replace self-destruction with self love. So if I catch myself skin-picking, give myself a manucure instead. If ruminating, try some inner child work or else crank some music and sing along.
At least one aspect of housework per day.
Replace junk food with high quality food. Chips with cherries, etc. Easier now than it will be in winter so good time to start.
Reach out to a friend.

It's a relatively boring list but it's surprising how occupied it can keep me. On a good day I am motivated to do more and I feel better about myself and my body. On a bad day, I still flounder, but I know the exact steps to get back on track so I find the lows haven't lasted as long lately. And if I can tick most of those things off the list, then even on a bad day I am still loving myself even if it doesn't feel like it.

[felloutofthesky]

movementforthebetter I love your list, especially replacing self destruction with self care. I have always struggled a lot with skin picking so I like that idea. I am going to try to use your list as well 

[mourningdove]

Wow, sorry it took me so long to return to this thread. I just haven't been in a place lately emotionally where I could really talk about body dysmorphia.

It makes me sad to see that two of the people who posted here seem to have left in the meantime. I am grateful for them and for everyone else who had suggestions and/or sharing. It made me feel much less alone.

Thank you