Excercise Releasing Emotional Flashbacks?

[movementforthebetter]

Hi all,

I've been making good progress in recovery but I've noticed a specific hurdle and wonder if anyone else has experienced it.

I have been going for long walks since I was young. Those are consistently soothing and grounding. The natural world is my safe place so I am lucky.

I have been doing more excercises to get healthier as I recover from binge eating. Specifically yoga and physiotherapy for my knees. Yoga is very challenging and puts me in a contemplative and generally peaceful mood, with the exception of a few poses.

The physio is a different story. Some of the excercises leave me completely exhausted and emotionally raw. I sometimes feel fear and anxiety after completing them. The physio focuses on my abs and my inner thighs/groin which is tight/atrophied from years of sitting. I generally do the physio right after yoga. I am going to try changing the timing to see if that helps.

I'm wondering if maybe the combined introspection with the intensity and discomfort of physio is "opening the flood gates" so to speak. I've turned into a crying wreck two days now and my T thinks I should go easier but truthfulky I'm not doing very much, was doing yoga before starting therapy and am recommitting to physio to avoid needing surgery later if I can.

I'd appreciate your perspectives and thanks for reading.

[Three Roses]

I have not started looking into somatic memory but I think that is what you are experiencing.

I know I need to but I keep putting it off. There's a book I want, "The Body Keeps the Score" which I think looks into this.

[movementforthebetter]

Thank you, Three Roses, I will look into that book. It sounds similar thematically to "When the Body Says No", by Dr. Gabor Maté. I am unfamilliar with somatic memory so I'll poke about here to learn more, too.  Always learning, always (hopefully) growing. :-)

[Danaus plexippus]

Stretching (yoga) should come after physical therapy, not before. Is this yoga class designed for larger bodies? Have you told your yoga instructor about your knees? Has she demonstrated accommodations for your safety? Ask your physical therapist and orthopedist if the yoga poses you take exception to are safe for you. People like to think of yoga as a science. It’s not. Yoga is a philosophy.
Try this meditation and see if it helps with the crying. You may do it sitting, standing or lying on your back. Cross your wrists in front of your sternum, palms facing each other, fingers relaxed as though cradling a sweetly singing bird. Visualize the beautiful lush green natural world that is your safe place. Imagine you can even smell the nourishing scent of fields and forests. Repeat in your mind: “I am growing in compassion, loving kindness and self-acceptance. Take a deep breath in, while breathing out chant Ay (as in play) relax, smile! Take a deep breath in, while breathing out chant Yum (as in yummy) relax, smile, repeat!

Yes. I am a yoga instructor.

[movementforthebetter]

Stretching (yoga) should come after physical therapy, not before. Is this yoga class designed for larger bodies? Have you told your yoga instructor about your knees? Has she demonstrated accommodations for your safety? Ask your physical therapist and orthopedist if the yoga poses you take exception to are safe for you. People like to think of yoga as a science. It's not. Yoga is a philosophy.
Try this meditation and see if it helps with the crying. You may do it sitting, standing or lying on your back. Cross your wrists in front of your sternum, palms facing each other, fingers relaxed as though cradling a sweetly singing bird. Visualize the beautiful lush green natural world that is your safe place. Imagine you can even smell the nourishing scent of fields and forests. Repeat in your mind: "I am growing in compassion, loving kindness and self-acceptance. Take a deep breath in, while breathing out chant Ay (as in play) relax, smile! Take a deep breath in, while breathing out chant Yum (as in yummy) relax, smile, repeat!

Yes. I am a yoga instructor.

Thanks Danaus. I am doing yoga at home as "yoga culture" where I live turns me off. I use a series of yoga videos for beginners and usually only 20 minutes at a time. Very basic. I listen to my body and don't attempt things that are way beyond my level. The most difficult things for me are transitioning from downdog to a lunge and then up into the warrior poses. Those are hard on one of my knees in part due to the tightness and in part to my being top-heavy. I could probably stand to drop the transitions alltogether. As it is I do what I can and shuffle into poses to avoid injury.

My knee had improved somewhat since starting yoga about 5 months ago, as did my strength. I can do pushups now!

I really only notice the strong emotional reaction from two of the physio exercises. And the exercises are somewhat similar to yoga albeit more challenging and repetitive. I'll try doing just physio tomorrow and for the next few days and see how it goes.

Can't afford a yoga class or physio currently. All my "disposable" money goes to my T. I have abfriend who is a kinesiologist so I'll ask her about this when I see her again next month.

I will try the meditation today. It sounds like a good piece of my recovery work and I currently don't have a meditatio practice, so thank you.

[Danaus plexippus]

Don't worry about the transitions. If it's uncomfortable, it's not yoga. In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali says the ability to sit for extended periods is one of the eight limbs of yoga. Today we know how hazardous to your health sitting for prolonged periods really is. If your knees already have issues, please never bend them more severely than a right angel. Have you tried chair yoga? Warrior poses are safest done from a chair and lunges are for show offs. Love yourself. Sit comfortably on a chair. Rub your palms together vigorously till they feel nice and warmth. Place the palms of your hands on your knees. Pay attention to how your knees feel to your hands and how your hands feel to your knees. Think good thoughts about your knees and say out loud "I LOVE YOU KNEES!"   

[papillon]

Hey all,

I just want to echo Three Roses comment about "The Body Keeps the Score". He goes in depth about the therapeutic benefits of yoga and talks about just the kind of challenges you're having.

So many survivors have complicated relationships with their bodies, I would think this is especially true if you've experienced any sexual abuse.

The book is currently on YouTube as an audio book. Seems to me that this is a copyright infringement, so I wouldn't expect it to be up for long! I've listened to it this week and I'm so glad I did. Just a word of warning, there is quite a bit of triggering content as he discusses individual's abuse histories.

Hope it helps you as much as it has for me!

[movementforthebetter]

Thanks, both. It's so exciting to be on the recovery path but it's also amazing how foreign it can be at times.

I did just physio and walking yesterday. I felt ok. The physio exhausted me to the point that I fell asleep after but at least I wasn't a wreck.

I do have some SA in my history plus some unclear memories I'm going to address in EMDR. I'm trying not to "construct" or influence my memories before then so I don't know if I should hold off on the book or if it might be helpful to investigate further beforehand but I am very curious about the book.

[papillon]

Arming yourself with knowledge probably can't hurt!

This book helped me understand the long term physical effects of abuse/neglect. It didn't cause me to dwell on the past, but that's just me.  I think it can be approached without influencing your understanding of the past.

Stick with it! I'm dealing with similar things (getting comfortable and reconnected with my body). I know it's hard. Be gentle with yourself, but keep going!

Best.

[felloutofthesky]

This happens for me all the time. Especially when running and in yoga - anything that brings energy out of my hips and I become a tightly wound ball of rage and despair and panic. I got boxing gloves and learned to box, so when it happens, I go upstairs to the boxing bag and punch and punch and punch until I can breathe again. It's the only thing that has genuinely helped me to get out of that state. I hope that helps

[movementforthebetter]

Thanks, felloutofthesky, it does help. Sorry that it happens to you, too, but glad I am not alone.

I just restarted yoga yesterday because physical pain was becoming too much to bear. I could probably really benefit from some kind of agressive release, as well. I think I am in a better place to deal with the emotions as they arise now.

Having been through an EMDR session I'm no longer afraid of spinning out of control from unexpected emotions arising. I think somehow I thought it would trigger a psychotic break or something. Thankfully that was only based on my observations of how others I know experienced reality, not how I do.