Zen_Racer's Recovery Journal

[NarcKiddo]

Letting the brain work in the background is often the most useful tool for me, too. In my case I need to do enough preparation that my brain understands it needs to work on this. That might be journaling or thinking about things or researching or whatever. But actively noticing the problem. Even if an answer seems to come, and seems to be the correct one, my brain still keeps chuntering away and may well spit out some extra feedback at a time I'm doing something else. That's often the case where I have come across an answer that my logical brain is fine with but which my emotional brain is not fully on board with. When I had dogs, the dog walks were often times of clarity. Doing something repetitive, easy and kind of boring works. In my case steady state cardio (when my lungs permit) or lap swimming will do the trick. So I can well understand that pumping gas or doing the dishes or showering will yield results for you.

Your fear of having to accept and love you, adult you, all of you, resonates. It is easier to imagine loving a small, defenceless child. But it's a huge start. The concept is hard to get to grips with so identifying a small, helpless ZR and nurturing him will stand you in good stead if any other ZRs crop up along the way. My bolshy teenage NK is challenging! Adult NK is hardly perfect. And we have no experience to draw on of having a loving and nurturing parent who will celebrate our virtues, while helping us gently to tame our faults and still love us whatever. So I guess building that experience comes with doing it for our cuter, more innocent Littles and then applying those lessons to the more challenging ones plus our adult selves.

I'm really happy that you got this promotion and that the corporates are so supportive. It's great that you are getting some experiences of genuinely supportive people where your contributions to the team are valued and rewarded.