I Am

[Bach]

My subconscious fights back so hard against anything good. Good things throw me right into self-destructive mode. It's horrifying to realise that I've been this way all my life. Frustrating that it took all these years to figure that out when now it seems so obvious. Even more frustrating still that I finally have figured that out, but still can't seem to stop it from happening!

[sanmagic7]

 

[NarcKiddo]

 

[Bach]

I'm in such a desperately bad state of mind these past few days. It probably has a physical cause in that I rather abused my body with bad food choices for several days running last week. That's a big part of self-destructive mode. I get an idea in my head that I can get away with that, but that idea is wrong. It also tends to be self-perpetuating because of my addiction response to sugar. Life is feeling impossible right now, too difficult, too painful, too much. I just don't seem to have the energy to get it right.

I must not lose hope, because there is no hope unless I believe in it.