Hope's Journal 2026

[zen_racer]

I agree with everyone else.  It's good to see you here again, Hope.

But also no pressure.  That is enough.

Like Marcine said, we are enough.

[Hope67]

Marcine, SanMagic, NarcKiddo, Hannah and Zen_Racer,

Thank you all so much for what you each said - and I love what you said Marcine about being 'enough' - it really helped me not to feel bad about not writing much when first coming back here.  It was like I really felt validated and all my parts were grateful, even the ones who were reluctant/grumpy etc. 

I appreciate each and every one of you in the forum, and I also appreciate each of my parts - even the reluctant and grumpy parts.  They have all helped me to function and get through life, and so having everyone on the 'bus' so to speak has been a healing journey.

Wow - I didn't think I'd write that - I am kind of free-flowing.  Hope I can stick with that, as I've felt very much stilted and prevented from writing in previous days...  But pacing it, and allowing things to just 'be' that has been something that has helped.

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I have been extremely 'task orientated' this past few days - and thankfully I've been able to get through the tasks I've set for myself, and I am very pleased about that - as I would have procrastinated and failed to start and definitely not necessarily finished things before - but somehow I've felt able to react more quickly and literally 'do' things and finish them.

Examples include being able to do some sewing repairs, and that in particular pleases me - as it was such a large obstacle previously.

Good to have written this today. 

[Marcine]

Hi Hope,
Again I find a wonderful fortune cookie message wrapped in your writing—-
"...allowing things to just 'be'..."

Thanks for that!

And yay for completing your sewing repairs

[NarcKiddo]

Well done for getting through the tasks you set for yourself. And not just for getting through them, but for being aware enough to set goals you could achieve.

[Hope67]

Thank you so much Marcine - I really like what you wrote.

Thanks very much NarcKiddo - I hadn't really thought about it in the way you describe, and it was good to think about it like that. 

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15th October 2026
I coped better than I thought I would today with a social thing - I was pleased. 

I have wanted to write about how some things have changed for me in the previous couple of months - but currently I have differences of opinion between different parts of myself, and that is why I've not really felt able to come here and write about it/summarise it.  I shall however find a way to gradually open the channels of communication between parts and let more of my thoughts and feelings enter this journal again - as if I don't capture them here, then I won't be ab le to come back and see how I've changed, as memory may alter and then I'll lose track!

********
okay - I've decided I can share some things I wrote on a piece of paper.  (There is a part of me who hasn't wanted me to do that so far, but I've negotiated in my mind that it's okay to share it.  Nothing bad will happen).

These are the things I wrote, and put a circle around each point:

* Psychological shift

* More organised

* More emotionally regulated

* More reflective

* More connected

*More creatively engaged

* Three Good Things Today

* Closure and Clarity

(I understand most of those points, but the last 2 are there and I think it's to remind me to try to use the section of the forum about mentioning 3 good things in a day, but I'm not sure why I wrote Closure and Clarity.  I certainly don't want to consider closure - it feels quite negative somehow as a word - but maybe it's just because I can't remember what I was thinking of when I wrote it).

******
I can see there are many positive things in the points I wrote.  I think it's because my system feels more regulated - it's like I'm not ruminating as much.  There is more calmness and I am ensuring that I regulate myself.  There are still some stressful things that I negotiate - but somehow it's like there's more of an 'adult' presence negotiating between my parts, and steering the bus. 

Also a thought that I'm 'allowed' to be adult.  Interesting.

[Marcine]

Sounds like lots of positive awareness, Hope. Internal negotiating— for the win 

[Blueberry]

Sounds like lots of progress Hope, both your list and having got through the social occasion better than you thought. Plus negotiating with Parts to even be able to write your post above.
  

[HannahOne]

Hooray for negotiating!    It's such a useful skill and one I didn't learn growing up with CPTSD. It sounds like you've been more aware of parts of you and been in touch with an "adult" part, and that's giving you more options, more choices.