Zen_Racer's Recovery Journal

[TheBigBlue]

       

[SenseOrgan]

Congrations for staying on your own team!!!! Very powerful.   

[zen_racer]

Thank you TBB and SO.    

Later after I was done talking with her, had updated here, and had eaten and laid down, I realized that when I had brought up her wanting me to have to check in like I'm a child, she had then shifted from what she had initially wanted me to do and rephrased it as something that would be slightly less absurd.  In other words, using manipulation to try to get me to agree with it even then.  That is exactly why I need to never agree to anything with her.  She is the one of the most dishonest people I know.  Those goal posts will only ever exist where she wins, no matter what.

[NarcKiddo]

  x x

I'm so sorry she did that, and that the text arrived at the worst possible time. You handled it well.

[zen_racer]

Thank you NK.   

I think it's also worth remembering that she knew I was on an important trip for work. I'd bet anything that she sent that text then, regardless of us getting stuck in traffic that she couldn't have known about, because she doesn't care about what it might cost me regarding my job. She probably wanted to cause me to get off balance to hopefully make it easier to push me into accepting her manipulation.

I need to remember that she is NOT on my side, regardless of how nice she sounds when trying to be manipulative.

[sanmagic7]

    

[zen_racer]

I finally met my M for a dinner because of my birthday last week.  There were times when she was nice, but overall it went just as bad as I figured, if not worse.  According to her, I need to apologize to my brother because he's mad that I had blocked him.  I pointed out that he always treats me badly, and her opinion is that I just need to accept that and apologize because he's my brother.  He refused to show up.  She tried fake crying and manipulation.  Spent a bit of time talking down to me.  She still thinks I don't have any right to decide that I don't want to be harassed, and it's not actually harassment when they want to harass me.

She seemed interested in an important meeting at work I have next week, so I've gone ahead and blocked her number again and plan to leave it that way until at least after that meeting.  I almost guarantee that she would try to call and make me doubt myself just before that meeting.  She's done so before for other things.

Frankly, I feel so worn down now.  And I am starting to doubt myself by thinking that even if they aren't as bad as I think they are (they are probably actually much worse than I think they are), they're still that bad for me.  And they expect me to not care how bad they are for me, and only concentrate on how bad I am for them when I start to have boundaries.

I shouldn't have to deal with this.  I didn't deserve to be trained to ruin every other relationship I've ever had, or have them actively try to ruin it for me.  I didn't deserve to have family that always makes everything more difficult.  I didn't deserve to have everything be an uphill, unfair, and dishonest battle when instead I should have just had support.

[sanmagic7]

ZR, you absolutely did not deserve any of that, didn't ask for it, didn't wish for it.  from what you wrote about lunch with your M, yes, it absolutely is that bad.  the idea of dismissing your bro's horrible behavior to you and expecting you to apologize to him for taking care of yourself just smacked me in the face.  how rude, uncaring, showing no compassion at all for what you go thru with your B - none of that is ok.  none of it.

you are showing strength and self-care by blocking these people from your life.  that was no birthday celebration, which, to my mind, is all about happiness for the person whose birthday it is.  that was a beatdown.  she used an opportunity for joy and caring to do just the opposite.  huh uh. no.  just my opinion, of course.  keep taking care of you as best you can, ok?  love and hugs

[NarcKiddo]

You did not and do not deserve this treatment. These obligatory get togethers at certain times are a big down side of staying in any sort of contact. I find it interesting how they often try to run other people's relationships. My M is always trying to manoeuvre me into seeing my sister, or calling her, and I am sure vice versa. She also tells my F when he should telephone his sibling and it's all just nonsense. Your brother is an adult and if he is angry at you for blocking him he can convey that to you himself, and see what you have got to say about it. He could've shown up to the dinner to get an explanation out of you if he was that bothered. He didn't. Why did your M not force him to turn up? You are his brother just as much as he is yours. He might not be mad at all. He might have had something else to do and not really care that you blocked him.

I'm sorry you had an unpleasant birthday dinner. I hope she paid, at least!

Good call on blocking her until the important meeting is over. That sounds very sensible.