Marcine’s journaling forward

[NarcKiddo]

My body feels willing to relax a tad. A new doorway opens.

 

And well done for noticing and triaging the guilt feelings.

[Marcine]

Yes, SO, I too am fascinated by the very edge of expanding conscious awareness. Where the blind spots come into view... well, where those fleeting first glimpses happen.

I agree, trusting the process is foundational. Then there's also honoring my curiosity about the unknown and growing confidence that I can handle whatever authentically shows itself.

It seems an intricate, natural flow of body-mind-soul on its own timeline. I'm learning to trust that. Control is not nourishing. Is in fact a starvation death grip. Is anti-love.

"The place guilt took up is rightfully yours to inhabit with full spectrum humanness!"

That is so beautifully said, SO! May that be true for all of us.

Thanks, NK, for the supportive acknowledgement.
——

Today I woke up fascinated to notice that I was marinated in dread. Tuning in I heard this old programming: "oh no, another day of having to try to control things I can't control. Of having to fix things that are unfixable. Of having to figure out how to placate the cult leaders that want to eat me alive."

Wow, no wonder there's dread. That constant negative conditioning was the toxic air I had to breathe. Had no choice.

I knew it was wrong. I knew I didn't deserve to be a prisoner. They were judge, jury, captor, cult leaders, prison guards.

But I refused to sell my soul. Long ago, I stashed it in a deep bunker. I survived barely. With significant damage. But I made it out of the death cult. I am alive. I am free. Now I learn to cherish my soul. And my "full spectrum humanness!" (Thanks for that phrase, SO.)