Miscellaneous ramblings of NarcKiddo

[SenseOrgan]

NarcKiddo
O gosh, I'm sorry you ended up in this storm NK. It's not you, it's trauma! Off course you know that already. My nervous system works in a similar fashion when I encounter too many triggers in too short order. What you describe sounds awfully familiar to me. Something like the pigeon's nest gone would be the end of the world for me too if I'm already overwhelmed. It's awful when that happens. Often I wonder what that was about a couple of days later, when a bit more regulated. I think the sound issue is related. I'll add some more to that in a response to your comment in my journal.

Hugs from Holland! 

[Hope67]

I am also sending you hugs NarcKiddo - you've been on my mind quite a lot, in various ways - anyway, I wasn't able to write much - but I do want to say I appreciate you and am sending you a hug 

[NarcKiddo]

Thank you, everyone, for standing with me and supporting me. You are all wonderful and I am very lucky to have you. 

I finally had a session with T yesterday. I have not yet told her about the picture because we had a lot of other stuff I wanted to get out of the way concerning the FOO visit I have just undergone, and Teen NK was a bit unsure of how she felt about telling T. It was quite clear T has been very unwell as she was still coughing and hoarse. We did get on to the subject of Teen NK towards the end of the session and I told T we have a big issue to discuss next time but it would have taken too long by then. Teen NK seemed OK with that being set up and after the session I ordered a frame for her picture as I want to hang it on my wall.

FOO visit was kind of weird. It was the annual 2 night affair except that I managed to wangle going only for one night. I had dutifully set aside the 'set in stone every year' date but sister's work made that awkward, though she would have been able to do it. When she suggested other dates I took my opportunity to say I was only available for one night if we were not going to do it on the usual date. I expected M to demand the usual date but she did not.

So I was arriving before lunch one day and I assumed would be there for most of the following day. H said he would take and collect me. So I asked S what time she needed to catch a train to leave as we could probably give her a lift to the station. Turns out she had to leave first thing in the morning and H would not be able to get there that early. I messaged M to ask if H should collect me before or after lunch. I expected her to say after, since she always goes on about how she values family togetherness. I missed a call from her and then got a message telling me it was my decision. But then a message saying maybe I should leave in the morning to miss the traffic. There is no increased traffic if I leave mid afternoon. Adult me was pleased but child parts felt rejected, and also that she might be laying a trap. So I messaged back to say sorry I had missed her call and that I would phone mid morning. I guess I wanted to give her a chance to say the right thing, or gauge if there was a trap. When I rang F answered the phone and said she had gone clothes shopping. It was a stunningly hot day and she only recently went clothes shopping when her friends were visiting. I reckon she was deliberately missing my call. So I messaged to say she was probably right about the traffic and I would leave in the morning. She sent a saccharine message telling me that was good.

She was strangely subdued during the visit. We had a stilted lunch and then she took herself off for a nap. This was not 'I feel tired, I'm having a nap, please wake me at x time if I have not woken by then'. This was 'I am going to nap for two hours. Come upstairs at x time to help me with something on the computer.' Then it transpired that she had invited a neighbour over for a couple of hours after that. She perked up for that visit and showed off to him like anything. Then we had supper and she went to bed earlier than usual, with no demand that we watch TV with her.

Next morning she did not clamour at my door like she usually does, she just went straight down to start making breakfast. She has been going on ever since her friends left how she made them a full cooked breakfast every morning and squeezed fresh orange juice. She made cooked breakfast and orange juice for my father but we were not even offered any. In past years we have been.

My sister left to catch her train and then M turned completely. She became all sweetness and light for the last 2 hours, and went on and on about what a wonderful visit it had been. How she loves this family togetherness. It was quite bizarre.