Living As All of Me

[HannahOne]

If anyone here has their trauma come up with doctors, consider having a note put in your chart about "medical trauma." That way the health system doesn't have to know it's CPTSD, but they will be more careful. There can be a backlash or stigma with anything, so it's important to consider. But for me, it's been life changing.

The appointment today went so well. She came in and asked the usual questions, then gave me one sentence about how pain and trauma can be related and therapy can help, then moved on. She expressed no doubt about the pain, asked me for numbers.  She gave me several medications to try and referred me to other specialists. She has a plan for me to get better and a series of steps and procedures we can do one at a time to see what will work. Then, "So, medical trauma. How do you want the exam to go? Here's what I'd usually do and here's the information I'd be looking for...." I was given say over each step. We skipped some things, we could get the data later if needed or she used an external ultrasound or other method instead. She was paying attention when describing the next step and said, "Well I can see on your face that's a no, and that's fine..." And she was so careful.

Again, I feel like a person today. I have dignity. I'm a human being among other human beings. There's help and care. I feel peaceful and quiet inside.

And I did my three meals and water, and painted with my friend.

[NarcKiddo]

  

[sanmagic7]

wow!  hannah1, just wow!  what a difference.  i've always liked caregivers who tell me what they're about to do, check in with me, all that jazz, and it sounds like you hit a gold mine with this one.  kudos to her for being so careful!  i'm just glad for you it was an experience that was helpful in so many ways.  now, on the road to recovery, right?

and congrats on not only the self-care but also for painting w/ your friend.  it sounds like a fulfilling day.  love and hugs

[zen_racer]

HannahOne, I'm sorry you've had trauma with medical stuff, but I can relate.  In my case, it was dental.  There were multiple visits with multiple dentists that were not good, and their work didn't last.  But one visit takes the cake.  I should've walked out mid procedure, it went so wrong.  Had to call off work the next day because I was still in shock.  Anyway, since then I moved, and at the new dentist I directly told them that I'd had some very bad experiences, I was anxious, and I was very tense and nervous.  They were so good.  Maybe they put it in my file.  I did tell them the 2nd time I was there.  Haven't felt the need to since then.  They've been so good, I don't really get anxiety going there anymore.

I agree that letting them know is a game changer.

I really should follow your example better of eating 3 meals and drinking enough water.  Someday.

It sounds like today went well.  That's pretty awesome.

[HannahOne]

Thank you NarcKiddo, ZenRacer, SanMagic7 for reading and commenting, and cheering, NK! 

How do we find good therapists? I know I need someone who understands parts work and CPTSD dissociation. I would like someone who does TIST but they're hard to find. I need someone who can pay attention to the somatic.

I really want more of a therapeutic relationship where I can learn how to relate, experience myself in a new way, have corrective experience. I'm finding some therapists seem really married to their modality, or want to put me through their protocols.

 Some say their protocol really works, it takes a year, etc... and that just triggers me. I get so nervous on the phone. Anything that feels like applying a method to me feels too much like abuse, and narc abuse. Anyone else feel that way? It's so tempting to think, oh if I just do this 50 week protocol I'll be healed! But I've done that over and over, I've been CBT'd DBT'd and ACT'd... EMDR'd....

now I have people telling me oh they do EMDR differently now with this new protocol.... um no. I just can't put myself through any more trauma processing. Am I wrong?

I can't have a generalist who wants to work with people who have depression, relationship challenges and work stress. I need someone who wants to work with trauma.

But it's hard to find someone who wants to work with ME, and my trauma, who doesn't also want to run me through their trauma protocol.

Maybe I just need a solid psychodynamic therapist.

Open to thoughts, suggestions, experiences.