the next step

[Armee]

 

It's beautiful what you are doing and also its important to put on your own oxygen mask too. Part of that is going to your T today. 

I hope this is something you can bring up with her and get some support or guidance on. 

[HannahOne]

SanMagic, I was moved by your post. That your D can now accept your care would seem to show repair and healing over time. Cheers for that. The intense parenting required to get a child through high school alive is relatable. When our children need so much, we have to try to meet those needs, while also meeting our own, too. I hope you do get even a moment to curl up, and encourage you to make sure you're eating and resting too.

So glad you can see the new T today. It's always challenging to start a new therapy relationship and I know that feeling of waiting for things to "cohere", to have that sense of a shared understanding of the landscape---and where to start the tour? I hope it will be supportive today.

[TheBigBlue]

All the best for you T session today 

[NarcKiddo]

Hugs, San. I hope you had a helpful session with T.

 

[sanmagic7]

my dear friends, my hair's kind of blown back by all the support.  thank you so.

marcine, i'm so very sorry that you could relate to that.  with D1, i believe i was in 'fight or flight' for nearly 20 yrs.  after she was 16, it was 'waiting for the phone call', and before that it was checking her every 15 min. after she went to bed cuz she was on so many meds i wanted to make sure she was still breathing.  and my darling D, the one w/ whom i live, got the scraps.  and my marriage was work work work all the time, but i couldn't handle my 2 children on my own, and yet i did manage to go back to school and get my MSW and become a therapist, so i took care of myself, too, altho that added pressure did not a lot for my mental and physical health.  yeah, i did it all, and it nearly killed me.  so i eventually ran away to mexico to live, to save my life.  i take care of myself when i'm able or when i have to. thanks for your support. 

thank you, armee.  yes, i did tell my T that i showed up for our session as a way to take care of myself.  i forgot to tell her that i'm writing novels, and that's for me, and i write nearly every night before bed, maybe a chapter or so, but i have managed to do for me thru everything.  i forgot about everything i just wrote to marcine, tho.  when i'm on the spot, having to answer questions, my mind often does not click in, and i only remember later what else i could have added.  still, i do the best i can.  i'm taking time for me right now writing here.   

hannah1, thanks for your support.  it is arduous for me, especially at this late stage in my life, to start w/ a new T cuz i have so many decades, marriages, relationships to get thru besides the regular childhood stuff.  and, yes, there has been a lot of healing and repairing that had to happen, including a lot of apologies from me, for my D and i to have the relationship we have.  in the beginning, she wasn't sure if it would work.  at all.  but, we do talk a lot, are both kind and considerate, allow privacy and respect, and that goes a long way towards repairing what happened in the past.  i'm so grateful we were able to make it happen.

TBB, thanks.  it was good.  she's very caring, very careful, asks good questions and makes appropriate faces.  she was very concerned about me taking time for me, and, like i said above, i forgot about the writing i do.  i did bring up that i made it to the session, and in the end she mentioned she was glad i did that.  so, we're building a foundation, and so far it feels good and solid.

NK, thanks for the well wishes.  it went well, she's doing everything that i'd hoped for, and so far it feels good, so i'm glad of that.

i have an interview today w/ someone from RULA.  don't know if anyone's heard of it, but it's a part of the company my T belongs to therapy-wise.  they send out reminders for me as to when my appt. is, about 3 or 4, actually, as well as questionnaires every week to determine how well or not i'm doing.  i asked her about it, she said those are for insurance purposes.  it all feels very metallic to me, but she said some of it is helpful to her.  metallic as in machine-like.  i asked her if it was AI, she said she didn't think so, but after one of the questionnaires, it determined that i was moderately depressed and had SI, (which has a large caveat behind it, but couldn't check a box for that) and would i like to make an appt. with a shrink.  i got 2 emails about that.

i don't like machines analyzing me.  maybe it's just me living in the dark ages, but even the mechanized phone systems drive me nuts, get me flustered, half the time i have to ask my D for help cuz i've just lost it and my mind doesn't work anymore.  so, nervous about this, but am getting a gift card to starbucks for participating, and we'll be able to use that when we go to C2E2 next month to sell books.  deep breath.