I Am

[HannahOne]

Wow Bach, your post really resonated with me. I can feel your frustration! Makes sense to be frustrated as it sounds like you've done a lot of work in therapy.

I guess I think of it as these beliefs were instilled in us so young when we barely had a prefrontal cortex online. So words only could change so much. Once I stopped arguing with my beliefs in my mind and starting living out challenges to them in action, I could feel both my resistance and fear of change, and also the thrill of something different, something I DID believe or value. Somatic therapies helped, and, it's a work in progress.

[sanmagic7]

bach, i think trauma grabs hold of us, and it's what is not letting go.  those wires in our brains need to be re-wired cuz that's where the trauma sits.  i was married to a 12-stepper who would always tell me to 'let go and let god' and i'd tell him, i give it to god all the time, but it flies back and latches onto me again. 

i don't think it's very easy to 'let go' of traumatic experiences, beliefs, sensations.  i don't think it's an easy process, like snapping our fingers and it's gone.  i do think our trauma has to be processed thru before we can come out the other side.  our brain connections have to be re-wired.  just a thought:  maybe this therapist has gone as far with you as they are able, and you might need someone different, more versed in trauma, per se.  i think being expected to 'let go' gets very frustrating, and self-deprecating (like what's wrong with me? types of thoughts) because it's a complex and complicated process our brains need help with in order to re-wire themselves.

if none of this makes sense for you, please ignore.  its all just my own thoughts on the subject.  love and hugs, 

[HannahOne]

So much agree with SM7s take. Solidarity, Bach.

[Chart]

Hey Bach, I totally agree with Hannah and San. Letting go is nearly impossible because it's a survival strategy. And that wiring is as deep as it gets. So suggestions to "just let go" are at best annoying and at worst a big guilt trip, "What's wrong with me that I can't just let go?"

What's working for me is meditation. Retraining the brain to recognize and reinforce relaxed "open" states of mind. I started April 5th. One hour in the morning and one hour before bed. My determination is entirely driven by that frustration you expressed so susinctly. I am sick to death of being slave to my mind. I'm really fed up with depression. I managed to use anger to get the energy to "take on" my own mind. Meditation is now something I just do and I'm unshamed that it's all about feeling better. I want to feel better. And it's not easy, but I'm aware of improvement. Nothing radical ( I'm not singing in the shower and skipping down the street. BUT I AM more deeply inherently, intrinsically PATIENT with everything... especially the Cptsd-poop. It's as if the emotional volume has been turned down 15%.

I'll take it.

I also believe that trend will continue.

Anyway, that's my experience so far.
 

[NarcKiddo]

I agree with what the others have said. And maybe it isn't a question of letting go at all. Chart's comment about meditation has made me wonder if maybe it is a question of finding you, and filling yourself up with what is important to you until there is no space left for all the things that have infiltrated.