Living As All of Me

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Hannah, I hope the meet and greet with the new therapist goes smoothly. 

   

[zen_racer]

I also hope the meeting with the new therapist goes well.  I know what the apprehension is like.  I get it before almost every race, and I very often don't even feel like going.  I'm not sure I'll go the next one.

BUT, my races are also a hobby that could hurt me.  Hopefully, the meeting with your therapist is something that goes well and can help. 

I also think I'm really weird, and people do often have trouble understanding me.  Mostly when talking about work stuff or math or physics though.

 

[HannahOne]

NarcKiddo, Marcine, TheBigBlue, ZenRacer, thank you all for reading and commenting. It's kind of like a litany of names I recite now. Recently some of your names appeared in my dreams. I don't know what all of you look like but I had "NarcKiddo" literally the word, walk through the door at one point in the dream and I was like Hey!! NarcKiddo!! Welcome to the HannahOne DreamWorld! So, developing object permanency, internalizing introjects...

I liked the therapist!

Thought it might be helpful for others to hear one person's experience of choosing someone. What I liked:

She asked me at each step what I prefer: to start, or her to question. To answer or not answer each question.

She asked me at several points how I was feeling now. Bringing things back to the moment and the body.

She asked if I had questions, and I asked how SHE was feeling. LOL. And she went with it and answered both emotion and somatic. So not afraid to show up in the room.

She picked up most of what I put down.

She was thinking clinically, I could see the internal "hm" and "ruh roh," taking notes. Not chatting, a clear line of thought without hemming me in.

She was thinking in levels and parts, not just eliciting storytelling from one part.

She reflected a few times accurately. I would like more reflection in the future, but the focus today was on intake.

She respected my limits about information sharing, confidentiality, and diagnosis re: insurance.

She kept track of time.

She offered me several opportunities to direct, redirect.

She asked if I would like to know something specific about her re: her background that she was considering sharing, and I declined, and she accepted that.

And she has the parts language and the somatics.

She said she sees the adult me, and also a child part. Ok. Baby steps. At least she's willing and able to begin to see.

She does peer supervision. so she's wanting to learn, wanting to make good clinical decisions, and I hope that will help her with any countertransference. I expressed concern about her potentially being scared, and she said she generally isn't scared of clients. Ok. I took from that she thinks she can manage, so that's good.

So the boundaries and the frame so far feel good. Not so with the several others I've interacted with so far who were late, cancelled, overshared, or named names inappropriately. Or chatted, not seeming to think clinically. Or were only working on one level of storytelling. Everyone else I saw I got a lot of "wow," holding their head, or brief pauses while they tried to process, and I hadn't even told them any events or dynamics, just the bare facts they asked about a parent or career. This one none of that. I'm ok with a little flinch here and there but I need generally non-plussed and not surprised. Keep your wow to yourself and process it on your own time, mmm?

So, we will see. See her again next week. LOL. I still have two more to see in ten days or so but I think this may be the one I stick with. For sure there will be problems. I just wanted to find someone with the right approach, and wow (teehee) is that difficult. I need someone who can see All of Me.  There's plenty to work on from there. But if you can't see All of Me, we're in a boat in a waterfall with one paddle. And the boat has a hole in it. And there's a lion at the bottom of the waterfall. And I'm not even in the boat. LOL.

End of year stuff with graduations, music recitals, IEP meetings, packing kid for camp. And I"M GOING TO CAMP! I leave Wednesday so will be offline till Monday. V Excited. I never went to camp as a kid and this is a very cushy one. Ropes course and lake and dance classes and group meetings and support groups and fun fun fun. I'm almost packed. Really excited to go away from the (beloved) family and be Just HannahOne, not anyone's mom/wife. Cooking up a storm and cleaning so everything easy for all while I'm gone. Kid 1 will be away at the same time on a school trip which makes it all so much easier. And Frank is coming along. He still resists his feedings but he's definitely trying to eat more. Hopping around more. I reached out to the rescue, haven't heard back yet. Hopefully the medicine will keep knocking back the EC. Time for his night dose, actually. Merry Monday to all, and to All of Us a good night.

[TheBigBlue]

The meeting with the T sound very encouraging. 
Wishing you a great time at camp!     

[zen_racer]

That sounds like an amazing first session, HannahOne. I should really take notes.  I don't think my first session went that well.  The camp sounds really nice as well.  I'm glad Frank is doing better!

[Ran]

Hey,

I wanted to send some  your way if you want or need them. I haven't fully read through your journal yet, but glad that things with new therapist are going well.

It all is a difficult journey, especially with health issues, but small steps will help.