the next step

[sanmagic7]

thank you deeply, marcine.

still sick today.

[HannahOne]

sanmagic7, your heartbreak is real. Connecting with those memories is important. What I see in your post is your dogged determination to navigate all of that. You didn't quit.

I'm sorry you're sick! I hope you can get some rest and recover.

[sanmagic7]

thank you so, hannah1.  it's coming along, slowly for right now, but i was able to take a walk today, and that was good.  so, progress.

gagging up those black bits while i was processing, then nearly seizing, or so it felt, made me see, again, the value of having a therapist.  i had to trust in myself to come out of that - and thank the stars that i did.

just looked up seizures, to see if i'm using the correct term.  seems like i am -  Clonic seizures are linked with jerking muscle movements. These seizures usually affect the neck, face and arms on both sides of the body.(Mayo Clinic)

yep, that's just what happened to me, and seizures are apparently caused by a sudden electrical charge in the brain. so, that's interesting.  this stuff w/ my first hub  was so potent as to cause that.  it lasted a couple minutes, but i was unable to stop them of my own will. my entire upper body was jerking, including head, and arms and torso.  it didn't hurt, but it was scary.

so, recovering from all that.  and i realized that i still have anger to deal with.  no anger came up during that processing.  but, i'm sure it will.