Miscellaneous ramblings of NarcKiddo

[NarcKiddo]

Thanks all. 

My T thinks this has been a very positive development for me. By the time she expressed this view I was already pointing out the helpful sides of it. I think I was upset because this was a large step in my emotional acceptance of the fact that to FOO I am just a cog in their dysfunctional machine. I've known it intellectually for a long time, and I think I have emotionally realised it for quite some time in the case of my M. Because my F is generally so distant I (or rather Little NK) may have harboured some hope that perhaps he has more regard for me than a mere cog, but just has not been able to express that.

I don't feel sad or angry any more. I mean, I do still feel righteous indignation about all sorts of aspects, but my basic feeling is that sort of sour, flat acceptance when you realise something is what it is and you cannot change it. So now I must concentrate on how I will navigate the situation ongoing.

M phoned me today with an update I was not really interested in. I think she realises she has been played by F, though. She said he is so grateful he was not shoved into a care home. (This from the man who suggested an ongoing care need in the first place!) I said to her "I don't think he ever had the slightest intention of going there." She was taken aback by this comment, giggled in a sort of embarrassed way, and promptly changed the subject. Whatever her view about having been played by him she will not like the fact that I have seen through the situation.

Annoyingly, I made a couple of other helpful suggestions during this saga. I hope that from now on I will be able to override this tendency and STFU. I have got better at that over recent years, but still. Even more annoyingly, M has decided that the other two suggestions are completely helpful and she is following both of them up. F needs to agree to both and I am not clear if he has agreed to either. One involves obtaining a device to enable F to access his emails if he has to go into hospital again. He is a complete Luddite where technology is concerned. She is obtaining one herself and plans to learn how to use it so she can then teach him. Unfortunately it is a brand she knows I use and I can foresee being asked to teach her. That could be an interesting conversation, given I don't plan to be involved in anything "to help F". Not because I am unwilling to help with anything ever again (though my willingness is a very thin thread by now) but because I am not going to get sucked into some pointless activity that F does not even want but does not have the guts to be truthful about. Been there, done that.

[HannahOne]

It's tough to realize you have been a cog in a machine. I feel that.

When you wrote of your need to STFU I thought of this internet lawyer duo online, "Pot brothers at Law." They have many memes and YouTube videos just a minute long where they give you the script when the police pull you over. You answer two questions and then "STFU." And they say it in such a funny way, because truly, we have to practice STFU. It's our habit to comply with police, with authority, it's natural to answer questions, it's difficult to not try to be helpful--even to help the police! So we must practice over and over, "And then what do you do?" "You STFU!" LOL. It's something I am working on, too.

[sanmagic7]

NK, after watching more cop shows than i care to admit, i've noticed it's always been the guilty ones who keep talking, giving details that weren't asked for, reasons/excuses for not being at the scene, alibis that are too convenient.  STFU, absolutely!  i find myself doing a lot of the same, finding reasons/excuses why i do or do not do or think something, when, really, there's no need. when my head is on straight, i know i don't need any of the excess word scramble - and that's exactly what it feels like i'm doing, is scrambling for words.  our reasons are good enough, do not have to be offered, but can be presented w/ confidence when asked.  now, if i can only follow that in my life!  lol!!!

the situation w/ your parents is mind-boggling.  and, what is a Luddite?  i'm not good w/ technology, and i'm thinking it's some kind of mocking thing, something bad.  is that what the younger generation thinks of us oldsters?  i had just gotten the hang of doing math on a slide rule when i ended up out of the game for a while, and when i went back to school, all the classes allowed scientific calculators to be used for math problems.  what?! i bought one, but it was beyond me to be able to figure it out.  i had to drop the class cuz i was failing it. so be it.  love and hugs

[NarcKiddo]

Hi, San. Yes, Luddite is a generally derogatory term these days. Originally the Luddites were people who worked in woollen mills. They objected to new machinery brought in and destroyed it because they feared it was going to take away their jobs (and they were probably correct!). Now it is generally used against people who wilfully refuse to adapt to new technology. Which is why I have applied it to my father but would never apply it to you. Not being good with technology is nothing to be ashamed of.  That is likely to happen to us all as things move on. And will likely make all our lives a bit more inconvenient as we struggle to deal with innovations. I use the term Luddite against my father because he does not even try to get on board with technology that he does not want to get on board with. For instance he is totally fine with finding his way around his computer. He loves his emails and his internet. But he absolutely WILL NOT get to grips with a mobile phone. I am talking a basic one, not even a smartphone. I know he is perfectly capable but he does not want to be capable. The result is that others have to run around sorting things out for him, or have to turn up to his hospital bedside to impart a message because that is the only way they can. It's not an age thing and I do not use it as such. I'm sorry if it felt that way.