Activating myself

[Papa Coco]

BB,

Good for you, for focusing on your own stuff today. And good on the dishwasher!!!! You've conquered that monster 

[Bach]

Blueberry, I love your concept of activating yourself.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about something like what you are describing, and I haven't had a word for it.  I like activation, especially with the idea that it can be a small thing, a low-key thing, does not have to be doing a big project or even completing all the parts of a particular task, and in particular, does not have to be strenuous physical exercise!  This is good stuff and I wish you the best with it!

[Blueberry]

Thank you Papa Coco

Thank you Bach. You're welcome to borrow and expand the concept if helpful for you  

[Blueberry]

I did notice that sounding out the sentences repeatedly, for improving listening skills and pronunciation, seemed to lead to exhaustion (?) in my mouth and throat.

So now I notice my attention wandering, probably time I looked back into what was going on during my language lesson? what did I overlook? what self-soothing would I have needed then? what do I or Parts need now?

There's nothing like going back to actually doing part of a lesson to start figuring things out...

I now have some pain in my throat and ears, which is a psychosomatic reaction I know very well. It's not so common these days. One reason during my language lesson seemed to be: I felt happy at the improvement I made / or just noticing I got something right and then this pain as a backlash because BB is not allowed to be good at something. Thanks FOO. Not a new concept for me, not surprising that this is what came up.

I also notice tension in my body, especially my chest (breathing apparatus?) and a hollow feeling when I'm about to check my response, because it could be wrong. This is obviously something I need to work on Parts with, even 'just' explaining that it's OK to make mistakes.

Also it feels new and scary (not so approved in FOO?) for me to be deducing answers from context or... This is actually an aspect of learning this particular language from Duolingo which I find good. Deduce the grammar rules thru your own work during the lessons, you're more likely to actually learn for keeps than if you read the rule. But I suppose that's my head plus what I taught myself professionally rather than any kind of past emotion from an IC
FOO was big on deducing answers, but not so big on my doing so. They were more keen on putting me down for being 'stupid'. So I suppose it could feel scary for a Part or two if I'm able to deduce now? Tightening in chest + hollow feeling while writing that down. Exhale, big sigh.

To state the obvious, it's more important for me to work with these IC topics coming up than to forge ahead with the duolingo. Even if I'm high up the weekly chart rn and that does feel good. Keeping going regularly with a task i.e. practising is a goal, but equally important to find out what kind of hurdles are in the way. Grrr. Don't want hurdles, was glad there were so few, glad to get so far w/o encountering many but now they're coming and otoh that's like a 'gift' because now I'm not in the dark so much anymore about why activating myself can be so difficult. On the cusp of big progress, probably.

Learning this particular language does make me think of FOO a bit. Not because they spoke it or learnt it or wanted me to or anything. Just other reasons. Plus learning it especially the pronunciation reminds me how much especially my parents always took for granted that the way they speak is the correct way. And the way they ridiculed people who spoke English a different way from what they viewed as acceptable. Some dialects were acceptable to them, even though my parents didn't use those dialects. Very weird and confusing for me growing up. I suppose it might feel alarming to some Part of me to realise that I know more than M does about this particular language and how it affects pronunciation of geographical features etc in my parents' home country

It seems also that a Part feels the remembered disapproval of FOO about newer methods in education and/or language learning. Again, a bit like deducing. I can look for the answer to a sentence or just a word or two in Duolingo before I click to Check. And I do do that. Basically so I don't lose so many points that I can't continue learning, but also so that I don't continually misspell or use wrong words and get them stuck in my memory. The methods I'm using seem to actually work for me. But that's scary. Forget to breathe etc.

So, that gives me quite a bit to work on.