Activating myself

[Blueberry]

I've been active and activated again the past few days. It's noticeable when I can attend to more than one project during the course of the day.

I've added something to both my daily Highly Recommended list and my Could list. On H.R.: Do minimum 2 things off Could. Normally I do that as a matter of course (only in very bad phases do I struggle with that one), but having it on the list seems to help me focus on accomplishing!
On Could list, I've added: Do half an hour of tidying anywhere in my apartment, absolutely anywhere, just Start! I know that's a general suggestion for people who can't keep their houses tidy, but it wouldn't have been possible for me to do it before now. Some blockage has come unstuck, that has enabled this change. In a similar bent: Do half an hour of cleaning, anywhere, just Start! That's harder and I've reduced to quarter of an hour so I don't go into overwhelm.

I've been quite busy in the garden the past few days, clean-up before winter. Raking leaves, cutting plants back, sweeping leaves off other surfaces. But I also have the wherewithal to carry out a couple of my longer term plans, rather than just trying to keep up with general maintenance. Another sign that blockages have lifted.

[WhatsNext]

Blueberry,

Thank you for this.   

I've been noticing how there were days that getting things done outside the mission critical was a lot easier than others.  I thought that maybe it was just a me thing.  Isn't weird how sometimes the brain goes back to the patterns of before? 

all the best to you

[Blueberry]

Thank you WhatsNext! Glad it resonated with you in some way. I'm not sure if my brain reverts to previous patterns because afaik (or understand) my brain got damaged in a cptsd kind of way really early on, so I'm not sure there's any healthy previous pattern to go back to.

Although I suppose after an EF, I do revert to a healthier version of myself, so yes there often is a healthier previous pattern, just often not from my childhood  :lightbulb: 

[Gently]

Hi Blueberry. I thought I'd wander over to your feed since you've been kindly popping into mine.

I relate to something you just wrote, about not having a previous pattern to go back to. It was when I was in a women's recovery group, and some women who had gotten out of abusive marriages eventually found that they started to feel like their "old self" again. That was the first time I realized that I didn't have that, I didn't have a feeling of an "old self" that felt like myself. That was a clue that I wasn't just dealing with recovery from my first marriage.

This whole recovery process has been like a puzzle, or a mystery, where you follow one lead and then it makes sense until you find another one and it gives you another piece.

It sounds like you really love being in your garden. I like that, it sounds life giving.