Catastrophizing

[Dutch Uncle]

I couldn't find a dedicated thread to this phenomenon, and possibly this should go to the "Inner Critic" section, as Pete Walker mentions 'catastrophizing' in his chapter on "Shrinking the Inner Critic" (bottom of the page, #10)

I want to share about this since last week for the first time I became very aware of the process of 'catatrophizing' I was in. As some of you may be aware I am in the process of going NC with all my FOO. LC seems to be not working and slowly but surely LC develops in VLC and since still no boundaries are respected all my relationships are progressing to NC, insofar they have not already reached that stage.

***possible triggers on Asperger's***

I recently choose not to attend a family-gathering.
So the other day I had this horrible 'vision' that after this family-fiesta Enabler/uAsperger's 'dad' would bust my "No E-Mail"-boundary once again by sending me family-pictures from the event. While in itself this is a distinct possibility, it would only happen in a month or so from now. But I felt I was really getting worked up and started to contemplate all kind of scenario's on how I could (or SHOULD) react. The whole 'should-ing' is probably part of the catastrophizing itself, I guess.

Moreover, I experienced I was already getting an emotional reaction to this boundary-busting. So I was basically RAGING (at some point) over something that had not even happened and might possibly not happen at all, and it was at this peak of emotional upset it dawned on me I was catastrophizing. I suppose my emotional upset at the thought is actually more an Emotional Flashback to past boundary-busts and it is projected to possible future 'repeats'.

I have calmed down considerably by now, even though the fear of future boundary-busting is still present. And rightfully so, I'm not being paranoid. Boundary-busting is a favorite past-time in my FOO, and whether it's malignant intent by Cluster B's or a benign "can't change old routines, we are still one big happy family even though my wife left me and you don't want to be part of the family event, we are nevertheless a close-knit family, and you getting the pictures is proof of that" by an Asperger's, the (emotional) effect is quite the same on me.

But at least I have now reached the point of: "I'll see when it happens what action I want to take. I cold even simply ignore it if it happens."
Perhaps the greatest anti-dote to catastrophizing is to do away with the "shoulds" and realize I have a whole range of options to choose from. That I'm no longer a child that can be pressed into service and/or obligated reaction.
And that, in my specific case with Asperger's dad, I do not have to follow his example that there is only one 'right' way to deal with events. It might drive him into a 'meltdown' if I behave 'unexpectedly' and/or 'wrong', but that's no reason why I should fall into a meltdown as well. Let alone long before the event.

[Dutch Uncle]

Another 'Catastrophizing' thought I've been struggling with the last couple of days:

I'm in a pretty bad debt-situation. It's all pretty complicated, too complicated to explain (which basically is why it IS so complicated, LOL) but the short story is that I'm in danger of being evicted for not being able to pay my rent, but as it's very unclear who is, legally speaking,  the actual landlord (fishy financial constructs here, through no fault of my own I want to add) everybody is passing 'the buck' (including me who is not passing a single buck, LOL), everybody is 'up in arms', yet nobody is making a move.

Well, the other day I got a mail of some party in this that they needed to check my home for "illegal marihuana nurseries" (note: this is Dutchland. There's illegal nurseries and '"Do you actually smoke all that pot that's on your balcony yourself?"-nurseries ).

So was I was in a hissy-fit today. I thought: "this is ploy, I will get evicted today".
No such thing. Which I sort-off expected.
I even brought up my rental-debt at some point. "Huh, yeah I had to refer you to [whoever has now been passed the buck] but I'm not getting involved, LOL."

The guy left peacefully, no pot here (perhaps I should start a Beer-brewery ) and another catastrophizing event has passed.

Together with the letter from enDad (http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=2310.msg22481#msg22481) this has been a day/breath of Fresh Air.
Plenty to do still, I can't lay back, but another catastrophizing thought successfully beaten.