Shame

[Rain]

http://www.attachmentdisordermaryland.com/Shame_and_Attachment.pdf:

[Kizzie]

Wow, I don't know about anyone else but what a powerful article this was for me, even had me at the first para - http://www.attachmentdisordermaryland.com/Shame_and_Attachment.pdf:

The feeling of shame can be described as a sense of smallness, worthlessness, and powerlessness in a given situation. The "self-in-the-eyes-of-the-other" is at the center of shame- "I am as I am seen". Shame brings a feeling of being exposed and generates extreme concern about another's evaluation of oneself as disgusting, repulsive, disgraceful ... It results in a state of self absorption and isolation.

Yup, that would be me. There have been times when I just could not bring myself to be around other people, times when I felt so vulnerable and exposed and terrified people will see me  that I isolated until I could "get a hold of myself." It reminds me of Pete Walker's description of finding himself unable to go put the garbage out because he might run into his neighbour, his always kindly neighbour. It's like all your internal garbage is hanging out and people will point, run away, look disgusted as surely they must see all the worthlessness, etc.
"
I can see so clearly now that was (and is) deep shame manifesting itself in me and that "getting ahold of myself was about stuffing it back down, not acknowledging it and putting the mask of normalcy back in place.  "I am as I am seen" should probably read "as I think I am seen" because we are really the ones defining ourselves or rather the ghosts of our abusers that we have taken inside.   As I practice being gentler and more compassionate with myself, I seem to be able to look at disturbing issues like this without going into an EF (although they still make me uneasy I must admit  ). 

Anyway, tks for the link, it emphasized for me that we are not shameful, we were made to feel shameful 


.   

[Anamiame]

I love this AND ALL of the replies!!!  This is exactly what I was trying to share with T yesterday.   

[lonewolf]

Thanks - This is excellent.

[Kizzie]

Note:  The member who contributed the article on shame has asked that their post be removed so I have done so and edited the thread accordingly taking the member's name out wherever it showed up in a post. Please be assured that your posts were not edited in any other way.

Thanks

Kizzie

Article:  http://www.attachmentdisordermaryland.com/Shame_and_Attachment.pdf:

[Anamiame]

First off, Kizzie...you are wonderful.  You really care alot about the members of this board and it shows. 

Secondly, I'm dismayed. I have absolutely no recollection of this article, this thread or my posting.  Guess it hit too close to home??? 

It really bugs the living crap out of me when this happens.  It makes me feel crazy.

[Kizzie]

Thanks Ana !   

[Sandstone]

This is another eye opener for me.  Thanks 

[Kizzie]