Hi all - new here

[hopeful89]

Hi all, thank you for letting me join this forum    I am a 36yo man living in Brisbane, Australia.

I would just like to share some info about my background. Thank you for anyone that reads though this post 

Also my story includes 3 attempts to fatally harm myself, I won't include those to avoid triggering people.

My story is one about emotional neglect and scapegoating.

I had a troubled childhood whereby I inherited negative social traits from my parents, including extreme low self confidence which I inherited from my mother. I had a terrible time with no joy or happiness for the entirety of my childhood and teens. Further my parents were not supportive of me ever, they did not care about my wellbeing. I know now from doing research that I suffered from emotional neglect.

Fast forward to when I was 27, I started to get more confidence by challenging my thought processes on how I compare to others. When I became more confident and assertive, my parents tried to stop that, which made me suspicious of them for the first time ever. Previously I had blamed myself for my shortcomings in life.

I questioned my parents at that time if they had an effect on my childhood being troubled, as they had proven they are against me. They phoned up the ambulance and said I was having a mental attack. I went to the emergency department and was put on a mental ward and told I was delusional, that I had a good childhood. I got a diagnosis of schizophrenia, as I was not able to adequately explain what my parents did to me in my childhood. However I know now that I suffered from emotional neglect as mentioned previously, and indeed a symptom of that is not knowing why you have problems.

That was 10 years ago, then last year a repeat of the same thing happened. Ever since I got out of the ward I have been advocating for myself to prove I have been misdiagnosed. I am close to my goal, as I have been to a private psychiatrist recently and told I have no symptoms of that illness whatsoever.

My parents have harmed me further by lying to my sisters about me throughout my whole life. My sisters dislike me and I have basically never spent time with them. I hope to change that by showing them how my parents lied to have me admitted to a mental ward.

Anyway I hope that's not too long and thanks again for anyone who read my story. I look forward to connect with everyone here particularly in the "Emotional Neglect" subforum 

[Hope67]

Wishing you a warm welcome 

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome.

I am sorry you had to endure all that neglect and then the gaslighting.

[zen_racer]

Welcome Hopeful89.

I'm sorry that your parents have been so hurtful.  I relate a bit to having parents try to sabotage things in my life, and lie about me to other family.  I'm sorry you've had to go through that.

[hopeful89]

Thanks for your kind words everyone 
It's nice to know I'm not alone in my struggles. I've been enjoying reading the posts on this forum, it seems we all have a similar story to tell.

[Dalloway]

Welcome to the forum, hopeful89! I´m sorry for the emotional neglect and the following gaslighting you suffered. Hope you find here what you´re looking for. For me, this forum has been a place of validation and warm compassion. Best wishes 

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Hopeful89, 

I'm so sorry for what you went through. The invisibility of complex relational and developmental trauma sucks.

Reading this article "Death by a Thousand Cuts" helped me

... There's a good article here I found today that explains why this is so, how those of us who cannot describe our abuse as horrific and in some cases as abuse itself end up with Complex PTSD.
https://www.complextrauma.org/complex-trauma/death-by-a-thousand-cuts/

Those constant wounds - being invisible, unwanted, unlovable, shamed, treated as if you didn't belong - are relational traumas that cut deeply precisely because they come from the people who were meant to protect us.

I'm really glad you're here. You deserved so much better - and you're not alone anymore.

(if that's ok)

[Shigekoi]

Hi, welcome to the forum! I'm from Japan, but I've lived in the US for over 40 years. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying about childhood emotional neglect. Writing has helped me heal much of the pain, though I'm still processing some parts of it. At almost 65, I wish I could say I'm done with my healing journey, but I expect it to remain lifelong, as the roots run deep. Having company really helps us feel less alone in this long, arduous journey. I'm glad you're here.  

[hopeful89]

Hello Shigekoi, thank you for your message 
I'm sorry to hear you have experienced emotional neglect too. You must be very strong to still be processing that age your age of 65.
I'm in therapy now and getting better, I didn't even consider that it might be a lifelong issue to deal with. Thanks for sharing 


And to the other posters thanks for your message as well 

[Shigekoi]

Hi again, Complex trauma can be, as the name suggests, very complex and can show up in a variety of ways for different people. In my own case, it's been relatively mild but persistent over time. I didn't have this language when I was writing my memoir—or even after I finished my manuscript—but discovering the term was a game changer for me. Having a name and a framework helped me understand my experiences more clearly and reduced my self-critical habits. Because emotional trauma is often invisible, many of us spend a lifetime wondering why life feels so hard. For me, finding this language was incredibly validating, and I hope it has been for you as well.