saying hello

[Frog24]

Hi all,
Feeling nervous to post, but reading through some of the recent introductions helped. I'm joining this space in the middle of the longest emotional flashback I've ever been through. My usual tools have not been working, so I've been seeking out new resources and came across OOTS. I'm hoping I can learn some things from you all. I've been dealing with a high conflict situation with a roommate which has left me feeling unsafe at home (I am physically safe) which is triggering much from childhood. The plan is to move when I'm able to, but in the meantime I'm having a really hard time coming out of EF state which is really throwing me. It's been about a month now. This experience has been pretty isolating. I've never been in community before with other c-ptsd survivors or people who really get what it's like living with this. I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the message boards, but I hope to look around slowly and get to know you all.
-F

[Alice362]

Hi,

I have also been nervous with posts so you are not alone there. Your situation sounds similar to mine, I understand the additional weight it brings. I have found reading the valuable information here very helpful. I hope you can find some peace here and things start to improve for you.


 

[Blueberry]

Hi Frog24
Welcome to the forum

I'm sorry you're so triggered. A month-long EF is excruciating to live through. I hope you can start to see glimmers of light at the end of the tunnel soon.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I'm sorry you're going through such a long EF. At least you recognise it for what it is, which is good, and I hope that reading and maybe participating in the forum might help you while you wait for it to pass. I hope you are able to get out of your triggering situation soon.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Frog 

That is a long EF but it stands to reason because you are around your roommate who is the trigger. It might help to try and talk here about why this person triggers you. Sometimes when you share it bleeds off some of the intensity of the EF and helps you to take a bit of control by recognizing the "why" of the EF and maybe even what you might do to reduce or dissipate it.

Just a suggestion though as I understand because you're new here you might not want to share.

Kizzie

[Frog24]

Thank you for the warm welcome all. and Alice, I'm sorry to hear you're in a similar situation.Thank you all for your kind words and understanding.

Thanks for the encouragement to share more, Kizzie. And yes, it's an ongoing trigger situation, which I think is why I'm having such a hard time coming down from the EF. The whole situation has been really confusing. It's been both high conflict and also her crossing a lot of boundaries and desiring a closeness and 'family' feeling in the relationship that I don't want. She also often gives me unsolicited feedback about how I am wrong as a person and uses diagnostic language with me a lot of the time which feels pretty violating. I also find her to be really emotional manipulative, even if that's not her conscious intention.  A lot of what triggers me about her is her boundary crossing and inability to practice consent. She has similar anger patterns to my mom, which is hard to be around. She's also very financially unstable which is really challenging when I'm trying to create more stability in my life and a lot of our bills are intertwined.

[Blueberry]

Oh my Frog24, that does sound really difficult! Boundaries are so important, but often so triggering - either when they're not respected or I find setting them triggering too.

I'm glad you feel safe enough here to be able to open up a bit.

This part of the forum might be useful for you: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=43.0
Here you can write a letter you're not intending to send, which can let off steam a bit. It could be towards FOO members or to your roommate.

I found it cathartic to address various people directly as 'you' as opposed to just writing about them. I couldn't use this method in early days here, I knew what I wanted to say but when it came to actually doing so, I would blank completely. But since then I've used it a lot and did notice how it helped me process things.