Hi there.

[joboozle]

My sister and I started this journey last year, where we spoke about our childhoods and how things didn't make sense for us.  And during this journey, I finally told her the truth about what my brother had done to me, and the abuse I endured.  I told her how our parents lied to the cops and called me a liar and so I just never spoke about it again.  She believed me.  The only person in my family to have. 

I finally told my husband, and started therapy.  Things had been going well for the last few months, our father respecting our boundaries about having our brother around us or our children (I have not seen my brother in almost two years now).  And I thought I was getting better, working passed things.  I've been searching for a new therapist as my old one got a chance to pursue her dream job and I've been commended EMDR therapy so finding a therapist who does that and takes my insurance has been a struggle. 
 
With the holidays coming up, I've been much more on edge, and was scared my brother would just happen to show up at my dads while we were there.  He didn't, so my sister and I felt like it was okay to ask him about Christmas.  We were told if we can't "talk it out" or get "through this stuff" then Christmas would be canceled again.  And now I feel like I'm back at square one. 

Nightmares are back, anxiety is back, all of it.  So I guess I'm just trying to find some support from people who might know what I'm going through.  My husband tries, but he doesn't understand and it's not something anyone I know in person do either. 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Jo 

I'm so sorry to hear things went south with your F, it seems an odd reaction given he believed you when you told him about  the SA by your B. Given that, would you be able to talk to him, perhaps with your sister there for support to explain how bad it was for you, why it's not something that can be worked out like a spat between siblings, and because of the seriousness of the SA it's perfectly reasonable to not want to see your B at the holidays? A compromise might be that your B goes on certain days and you go on certain days to avoid seeing him.

Just my opinion here but it's unfair to put the onus on you to work things out. You just want to be around family at the holidays without your B being there and that's not unreasonable to ask. I think your F's response would feel like a betrayal if it were me and maybe that's why you are having nightmares, etc. It leaves your F free from confronting your B or at least explaining why he needs only to come on certain days. But parenting IS about safety and trust and dealing with tough things sometimes, even when children are adults.

I really hope you are able to work things out.

Kizzie