1st step - introducing myself

[mimiboo]

Hi all!  This is my first time posting in an online forum (believe it or not, in this day and age)!  I believe I have CPTSD; although my therapist was not aware of the term, the description seems to fit.  I have read Pete Walker's book and am halfway through "The Body Keeps The Score."  I have also read through a lot of the posts on this forum and am learning a ton from hearing others' journeys.

I have to say, I am finding just the act of posting a "hello" message to be anxiety-producing, but I am reaching out because I feel that I need to do so.  I have social anxiety and am hoping that reaching out will help me feel more connected and not so alone.  I have a few friends and can socialize functionally at work, but I find it difficult to get close to people, let people know "the real" me, and feel comfortable around even people with whom I spend a lot of time.  I just feel like something is missing in my relationships with people, you know?

Anyway, I am grateful to have found this website and forum and am looking forward to continuing my own journey of recovery.

[sanmagic7]

so glad you took the chance and posted!  nope, you're not alone.

i'm a therapist, and it's not uncommon that those in the therapeutic world are ignorant of c-ptsd.  i've been doing this for over 25 years, and never heard of it until i was able to see if for myself in myself.  c-ptsd is not a recognized diagnosis (like ptsd) in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM), which is basically the therapist's bible, so it's unfamiliar to many therapists.  that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  i know it does.  sometimes therapists will use a diagnosis of something like 'developmental trauma disorder' instead of c-ptsd.  i do hope that your therapist will do some research, though, in order to get familiar with the particulars of c-ptsd.   

in the meantime, i hope you find support here.  i have found this forum to be extremely helpful, with kind, generous, caring, and supportive people involved in it.   this was a big step, and i'm happy you took it.  welcome.

[mourningdove]

Welcome, mimiboo!

[Fen Starshimmer]

Hi Mimiboo,

I just joined today and reaching out to say 'hello' .    I feel a little self-conscious out here too, as I don't know anyone. It's like stepping into a room full of people who all know each other.

I wonder whether you might want to consider finding a T who has expertise in CPTSD? I feel blessed to have at last found one who really understands this condition (I don't like the word 'disorder' or 'illness'). So much has shifted since I started working with her, and I've learnt loads!!

I only found out by chance 11 years ago that I had PTSD by reading an article online, then later on I recognised the symptoms of C-PTSD in myself as I read further articles and Judith Herman's great book: Trauma & Recovery. I haven't read Pete Walker's book, but it sounds really good. I am an empath - I thought I was, but I had this confirmed recently by my T, and that means I am extra sensitive to people, places, sounds, smells - everything. So, coupled with CPTSD that means I spend a LOT of time on my own and find most people draining, as I pick up their energy.  I find conversations are often superficial with people, and dislike putting on a fake image, talking about trivial mundane subjects. I really love good conversations with people on my wavelength though and can talk for hours when I find people who share my interests.

I think it's normal to find it difficult getting close to people when you've been betrayed and hurt by others to the extent that it's caused trauma. So just saying I understand that part really well. You're not on your own there!   

Wishing you well on your journey of recovery.

Fen

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi mimiboo  and welcome. 

Congrats on making the step to posting.  The anxiety of doing so is something I can relate to, though judging by my post count I apparently had some catching up to do. 

Feel free to share, ask or just read around as you wish.

I hope and wish the site and community will be of aid to you, both with the cPTSD as well as the social anxiety, which is a very common theme among us here.

Welcome again,
Dutch.