How often can you have emotional flashbacks?

[Gatita]

I've decided to try Prana breathing today to work through these episodes.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, Gatita!

[macandrui]

I have these all the time, basically any time that I'm not actively concentrating on something. As such there's no limit to them, and they often aren't distinct. It's normal for me that when I walk or bike somewhere I'm almost constantly having emotional flashbacks, and 'daydream' (more intensely than other people) as a coping mechanism. Like I'll feel attacked (because of some trigger that day that I really have to think back to determine, if I even can) and then I'll have a blinding image of fighting and defending myself, for instance. I can't escape the emotions that come to me (feeling attacked, unsafe, lonely, small, in danger etc) but escaping into my imagination can make it survive-able, because I almost commandeer the scene.

I feel you, or perhaps I only feel myself as usual, but what you write here is intensely similar to my own experience. For me, what seems to be useful is to embrace as an adult the means of surviving that child-me discovered, and then own it, as long as I can, as an adult. I don't ever truly feel that I can commandeer the scene, but rather that I am telling a story to myself, I give myself permission to live in that other, story world as much as I need to be. I permit the story to exist, within, behind, through and throughout the work-a-day world that everybody else seems to be a part of effortlessly. I suppose, what I'm writing is that for me, the storytelling must occur, so... would I rather it happen invisibly, so that I can't understand why I behave the way I do? Would I rather it be so completely forefronting that it obliviates any connection I might have to the banal? I have experienced both, and they result consistently in my harming those I love, continuing the great inheritance of abuse.

[~Lapis-Lazuli~]

So on Sunday I was playing a board game with my little sister who has ADHD and seizures, and I was already having a rough day, my depression/anxiety/whatever else decided to kick in the whole day.
So when we encountered rough patches there were several times where I would go to my dad and cry, and he would wrap me in a hug.
But then I hit an even harder one, and I said I wanted to quite the game.
I continued to repeat the statement, and it continued to be ignored by my dad.
The whole time I was experiencing this, I was silently crying and having an EF of "No one wants to help me."
Eventually my dad came over and told us to take a break.

So that is the first one, the second is as follows.

I can't exactly remember how it started, but I said or implied something that made my mom cry, and dinner was silent and uncomfortable until my parents forced me to tell them what was bothering me.
I had been in this situation before with the my confession of having been clinically depressed for about 2 years.
My parents figured out that I had been talking to a church leader about it and demanded answers.
The process usually goes like this: I do/say something, my mom cries, my dad gets mad, I get a lecture, and my little sister who has seizures and ADHD who has outbursts seems to get away with some things (which my mom said was the same for me) but I don't seem to get the same treatment for my outbursts.
But anyway, what had bothering me was that I missed how things were before my youngest sister was born.
I missed just being me and my sister. (who is 15 months younger than me, and we think we were both a set of twins.)
I never had learned to cope with the addition and when I always bring up "Two siblings is enough for me.", my mom replies with "The children don't get to choose."
I know the children don't get to choose, but I like small families, and I feel myself pining for days long gone.
I just have so much social anxiety, that it sometimes keeps me from my own family.
And then my mom suggested that she and my youngest sister could live at my grandma's.
She has done this to me a couple of times.
Back in 2014, when my depression was really bad, my mom said "I can just take her and leave, is that what you want?"
I didn't show much emotion when she said it, but I broke down crying after she left my bedroom.

I just hate having to be in the "parental confrontation" situations.
I have experienced them enough, and I feel trapped when they are going on.
My parents were never physically abusive, and my mom isn't emotionally abusive anymore, but I still feel like she sometimes says something that grazes old wounds.
It also feels like they are guilt tripping me for feelings that I can't control, and have no idea how to handle.


This ended up being much longer than I intended it to be, but I guess I just need someone to help me on this.

[writetolife]

Hi Lapis Lazuli,

I don't know if I can help, but what I can say is that what your mother said about just taking your sister and leaving was horrible, manipulative abuse. 

I also tend to go into Ef's when I feel like someone (usually my dad) is ignoring or invalidating my needs.  In fact, it was the thing that triggered my EF.  I felt like he put me in a dangerous situation and wouldn't listen to why I felt like it was dangerous. 

I wish I did know how to help.  I'm so sorry this is happening.  The thing about your parents forcing you to tell them information that is personal and/or you know they won't respond well to is such a terrible tactic. 

[writetolife]

Also, I think I learned the answer to my original question. 

TOO BLINKIN' OFTEN. 

But actually multiple times a day I've learned is totally possible.  Sigh...

[Three Roses]

  too blinkin' often

[Riverstar]

Lapis Lazuli (and maybe Writetolife), this may not be what you want to hear, but when you're parents aren't supportive of your feelings, you really should stop going to them about them. Parents have a responsibility to care for their children, both physically (food, shelter) and emotionally (be supportive and loving), but many parents can't provide the latter. They are failing in their responsibility to you, and you shouldn't have to face that, but some people (myself included) do. To keep going for support to someone who only makes you feel worse can make you weaker rather than stronger. I think a really important thing to learn is how to support yourself, how to be compassionate of your own suffering (which no one understands better than you), and how to know when it's better to be alone than go to someone who doesn't respect your feelings. Of course you support, but wishing alone doesn't change your parents, unfortunately. Other options if you want to talk about your feelings to someone and get support from them is talk to your sister or friends (if applicable), talk to a school guidance counsellor or therapist, or talk to an (anonymous) distress/help line.

Lapis Lazuli - I don't think your issue is really your younger sister, and I'd be careful not to let your resentment build toward her, because maybe you could be close otherwise. I would guess that that resentment is redirected from your parents. I think (and I may be wrong) that your sister being born only accentuated a situation that was already there - that you weren't being respected or payed enough attention. Your mother still seems to treat you that way, by threatening you with abandonment and dismissing your problems (like your dad). The important thing is to know that you and your problems aren't just how your parents think they are, and often depression is repressed anger - perhaps you never let yourself be angry at how poorly your parents have and are treating you, so you blamed yourself instead of them, and now feel worthless/unloved/hopeless/depressed.

So I just made a bunch of leaps and guesses, but I did so because I thought it might be helpful to think about this critically, and really assess how deeply hurt you might be. I hope some of this is helpful. Don't give up.

[~Lapis-Lazuli~]

So today has been really hard for me.
I was jittery and the only thing I've eaten was a butter and cheese sandwich. (I used to eat those when I was little.)
I am struggling to keep my thoughts positive and ground myself.
Any tips?

[Three Roses]

If you've only eaten that one thing all day, that could be why you're jittery. I know I would be!

If your blood sugar is low, try some protein, that helps me.

[~Lapis-Lazuli~]

Thanks, I'm doing a lot better now.
The reason I'm having trouble eating is probably related to hormones.
I basically have to force myself to eat.

I watched this funny video where this guy was doing voice-over of people asking if they were pregnant based on 'this or that', only, they couldn't spell pregnant.
I was laugh snorting the whole time.
Which I had become self conscious about, only recently becoming brave enough to open up again.

[RoseOfSharon]

I have just joined today, and am so glad to have found this thread.
I feel as though I have been in an emotional flashback, of varying intensity, for the past few months. I am transferring my mother onto my wife (not good...), experiencing emotional/physical sensations of needing to hide my body from her, make sure she does not come into my room when I am changing, or bathroom when showering, etc.
While I am now going for EMDR, it is going to take time, due to the complex nature of my trauma (childhood abuse of all varieties by my mother). However I am starting to separate my wife from my mother.
Certainly emotional flashback is how I am experiencing, and would describe, it all.