Not alone

[Dee]

We have a lot of new people here and I just wanted to let them know that you are most certainly not alone.  For much of my life I knew on a certain level I was not alone, but I didn't feel it.  I felt like I was the only one who went through this; I was different.  I also felt for much of my life that other people who had this happened didn't deserve it, but I did.  The truth is too many people have been through it and too many people blame themselves.

[Sisue]

Yep.  I was one of those little kids of self blame.  Still struggle with it at times.

Someone mentioned in another post about "many layers of abuse".  I would have to say mine is a Pillsbury flaky layers Grands!  There was so many layers of abuse for the first 35 years of my life that it will be a miracle if I can get through a quarter of them in the rest of my lifetime.

Since I started the work of recovery (many years in, actually) I have come to some strange awareness of why I put up with and downplayed the abuse:  This process is extremely hard and bloody painful!!!!!  I HAD to have known on some level how hard it was going to be and just didn't have the resources to do it.

There are many days that I wish I could just un-know what I know.    
Head in the sand, rose colored glasses, dissociation... oh yea, much easier.  sigh....

But, I'm here.  And so are you.

Together maybe we can chip away at the mountain of pain and find comfort in each other.
To all of us brave soul warriors! 

[Hardtolove13]

Wonderful 💜💜💜thank you for this post.