My Inner Critic Hates That I'm Gay

[witchwomb]

When you said your parents told you not to worry about the bullies teasing you, because you "weren't gay", I remembered my parents did the same to me.

I'm bisexual and received nasty feedback from it. Your queerness is to be celebrated...it's something wonderful and delightful, pure and unadulterated that no one can take from you at the end of the day.

[Joeybird]

You are entitled to live your own life the way that you want to. You need to have a talk with your inner critic, and let her know that what she thinks is not acceptable, and that every time she mentions that, you can tell her that she is lying.

We don't care about your sexual orientation here, unless it's causing you a problem like this one. Basically, it is none of our business.

Hope you feel better about this soon.

[Wife#2]

Getting There, while I may not relate directly, I can say that my oldest brother, who was gay, would have related to your story so much! Sadly, he's gone now, but his story remains in all of us who loved him.

We were also Catholic - so much to be said about that alone. Anyway, he waited to come out until he had left the family of origin behind. HIs best-friend sis (our middle sister) already knew and he had her full support.

Tell that ICr AND that professor who said it's impossible that they are full of stuff we can't type here! I knew my brothers were VERY different (I'm the youngest). I couldn't put my finger on it back then, but there were so many signs. I think bro was TRYING to break it to the parents easily. They played dumb hoping it was a trick of their imagination.

Both parents said revealing things like - we kind of knew before he told us. Mom was easier to accept, saying she'd always known something was different about him. SURE, her uNarc/BPD ways could have shaped SOME of that, but it's not likely. He never was like other boys. It had started making Mom worry when he was little. Dad melted down like a good Catholic old-school Dad stereotypically would. Before big bro died, Dad came to terms.

By the end of bro's life, he had finally reached a point where he could mean it when he said that if Dad didn't learn to deal, that was Dad's failure and Dad's problem. Bro had enough dealing with being ill, he didn't need guilt or shame slowing him down. He even found peace within the Catholic church, really!

So your inner critic is WRONG - there is nothing DEFECTIVE with you - you are as GOD created you, and GOD makes people, NOT mistakes. Some sexual preference may be molded later in life, but most is hard-wired into the individual. No, I don't have the scientific data to back that up. What I have is a lifetime of living with, loving and supporting my brother and his friends, who became my friends as well.