Social anxiety

[Annegirl]

Just read on the this forum why I feel different from anybody I ever meet. Social anxiety, I have it,
My mother had and has loads of friends, but if I got friends she would take them over from me and make them talk to/ like her more. She stopped me from going to social things at school for fear of me getting into drugs or getting s.a like she had been good intentions for that. Because she kept me at home so much I never got to socialise as a teenager and because of the abuse the socialisation at school and church were pointless as I never opened my mouth to speak to anyone for years. I physically couldn't speak when I was out for some reason. Now in social situations I feel very different, people see me and come up to talk very normally and on good days I can feel they don't find me different but many times I see myself as so different I can't make small talk at all. I am grateful to have my cousin and girlfriend living nearby or I would get no social life at all weird thing is I love people and finding out about them etc getting to know them etc but my insecurities sometimes go to the front of my mind and all I can wonder is "do they think I talk odd? Am I sounding socially normal?
Is this all normal or a sign of cptsd?

[Badmemories]

Hi Anne:
You wrote in Blue:
My mother had and has loads of friends, but if I got friends she would take them over from me and make them talk to/ like her more.

That is a common thing with NPD people. It is called triangulation. I can give YOU examples in My life.

My Sister would NEVER let me get close to MY nephew. She'd always hog the conversation even talking over him, ignoring him in the conversation. Lately she'd been Saying "Why does everyone always interrupt me?" When really She just doesn't pause in her conversation!

My uNPDH talks over me, cuts down what I say, tells me what I say is not appropriate, or he does not want to hear it.. I had GF's before we met... and either he did not like them or he really did like them and slept with them.  So, I quit even trying to socailize.... that helped him because he was so jealous anyway. Now he isn't so much anymore...

She stopped me from going to social things at school for fear of me getting into drugs or getting s.a like she had been good intentions for that. Because she kept me at home so much I never got to socialise as a teenager.

My Mother was/is shy... I think she did that because of her shyness. I also think that it was easier for HER to parent when we were under her feet all the time. I do think that is wrong. I think that Children should be taught how to socialize by being with others.

I physically couldn't speak when I was out for some reason. Now in social situations I feel very different, people see me and come up to talk very normally and on good days I can feel they don't find me different.

I do not think that I could socialize very much until I found Myself being a Hairdresser. I think that that takes practice. I either had to learn it OR go broke. (I was paid only on commission!) So, practice does help. If You can think of things that other people Might be interested in that might help You to have something to fall bad on. (to talk about)

I love people and finding out about them etc getting to know them etc but my insecurities sometimes go to the front of my mind and all I can wonder is "do they think I talk odd? Am I sounding socially normal? Is this all normal or a sign of cptsd?

I do think that cPTSD does have a lot to do with it. I can do well when I am feeling good. When I am more depressed and under the weather I have more of a problem. I have had EF's and dissociation problems in public. That does make ME feel afraid sometimes. So, I am better going out when I can control more, have ate good so I am not hungry, I have not read much on these boards so that I am more rattled, when I am working on cPTSD.

If You were bullied and victimized I do think People might notice that. I think that is why we are actually bullied in school and other areas... because we are victims we get victimized, because it is easier to see that we have been victimized.  (hopefully that makes sense!)

Practising makes it easier though. I know that in the city larger than My small one horse town they do have socialising for people with Mental illness. Like game day etc. that gives You some practice. In out patient treatment we used to go through the newspapers and look for things we might like to do to teach Us how to socialize. It helps if it is something that we have as hobbies, then we also have something to talk about.

Hopefully I have answered You question... I am quit new at this also! 

Keep on Keeping on!

[schrödinger's cat]

Same here. I started feeling 'odd' when I was a teenager, mostly because I was depressed, hardly able to concentrate (food intolerance + PTSD), highly sensitive, really truly epically bad at sports, an (MBTI) Intuitive in a world full of Sensors, a writer at a time before creative-writing-as-a-hobby was invented, and unable to squee about horses or cute boys. So, if I felt different, it was probably because I was different. Depressive symptoms alone make you different enough. And of course, everyone then makes you feel like it's all just your own fault - after all, you're still a kid, what do kids have to worry about, you should just simply pull yourself together and cheer up. So you end up feeling self-conscious and ashamed. No matter how hard I tried, I never found anyone who'd ever felt the same way. Sure, some felt different, but not all the time, not with everyone.

Hearing about SA was a relief. I'm normal after all - simply "social-anxiety-normal".

I'm kind of sad though that I'm not the only one in this. All those things I've always found heavy to bear - and then it turns out so many others among us have it too. Group hug?

[Kizzie]

Yup, group hug time     

[Badmemories]

  all!

Cat You are so right on about this! You wrote:

Same here. ( I think I started feeling odd about 2nd grade.) I started feeling 'odd' when I was a teenager, mostly because I was depressed, hardly able to concentrate (food intolerance + PTSD), highly sensitive, really truly epically bad at sports, an (MBTI) Intuitive in a world full of Sensors, a writer at a time before creative-writing-as-a-hobby was invented, and unable to squee about horses or cute boys. So, if I felt different, it was probably because I was different. Depressive symptoms alone make you different enough. And of course, everyone then makes you feel like it's all just your own fault - after all, you're still a kid, what do kids have to worry about, you should just simply pull yourself together and cheer up. So you end up feeling self-conscious and ashamed. No matter how hard I tried, I never found anyone who'd ever felt the same way. Sure, some felt different, but not all the time, not with everyone.

I had what I would call My first depression when I was in 10th grade. I was so depressed that I went to school came home and slept until school the next day. I must have done this for 6 months.  Mother did worry about me enough to take me to the DR. but THEN  they did not think teens had mental illness! So, No treatment.. When I read What You went through I had to really think about it.. 

Thank You for writing this...I am so sorry Your life was so bad.. I admire You the most for Your growth! You write so many things that resonate with me! You give Me hope!    I appreciate the time You put in Your writings!

Keep on Keeping on!

[schrödinger's cat]

We really should form a club, then. It's good to hear that I'm not the only one.   Where were you when I was twelve!   

[neenonee]

Yes how well I know the 'different' feeling. It's still here and I'm 44. I'm about to freak out because I'm trying to arrange a Christmas caroling group; I put an ad on craigslist and they're supposed to meet here at my house tonight. (hopefully no axe murderers ha ha!) Sadly I have no friends to ask! I don't know if I will know how to act normal if people come tonight and I'm kind of sorry I took a risk but on the other hand it's just singing!
I wonder how many people feel they are different than others. Maybe more than feel they are the same???

[Rain]

Hi neenonee!   Let us know how the craiglist call for Christmas carolers turn out.

And, yes ...please no axe murderers (I assume you put that in the ad).     

Jingle Bells!

[neenonee]

It went okay, just one lady and her daughter showed up but it was ok. I think I'm glad I did it. Thanks for asking. I felt like this is the one place I could express how nervous I felt and people would understand.

[Kizzie]

Hey N3 - My social anxiety has been much better since switching medications earlier this year and I absolutely gulped when I read about you arranging to go carolling, my heart did that seize thing. That's not even within the realm of possibility for me so    for taking a risk.  (Glad no-one strange showed up too  )

[Brandy]

I used to have social anxiety. I worked it out... sort of. I don't feel anxious automatically around people any more, but I still have the sense of being different, so social interactions still generally feel awkward. At least on my end, I think most of the time the other person doesn't notice, which actually makes it worse in a way. What's the point of talking to people if they don't see you anyway.

[Laynelove]

Hi, I know this is an old topic but I really wanted to reply to this.

I have social anxiety disorder as well as cptsd. What is working in my recovery is:

• excersise - for improving depression and anxiety
• schema therapy - I'm currently doing a 20 week schema therapy program that focuses on changing core beliefs
• spartan life coach - I am currently working through some of the tips that the spartan life coach has on his youtube channel

Next:
• there is a place in pheonix USA called the social anxiety institute and they offer a 20 week cbt audio program for a few hundred dollars. I'm planning to do this once I've changed my core beliefs and started to learn to love and respect myself. In the first few sessions of this program you learn to silence your 'automatic negative thoughts' which is exactly the same as pete walkers inner critic. If u do ur inner critic work it will help with your social anxiety recovery. If you do your automatic negative thought work it will help with your cptsd recovery. This program has the best reviews for recovery because the guy that came up with it used to suffer from social anxiety, much like pete walker suffered from cptsd. The best resources are the people that experienced what you have experienced and have gone on to live full lives.

It's all about working out what order you do things in, and if you need time doing inner child work before anything else.

There is therapy out there for every issue we have, it's just finding the right order to tackle them all in that is massively overwhelming. Like, knowing that once you have completed one type of therapy it's on to the next then the next then the next etc.

Good luck!!

[Kizzie]

It's great to revive old topics Laynelove.  Glad to hear you are managing your social anxiety, it can be a tough one.  I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder too and in addition to therapy for CPTSD, I did an online CBT course specifically for SA and also spent some time at the SAS online forum, both of which really helped. 

All the best in your recovery from SA     

[tired]

I didn't even consider the impact my mother had on my social anxiety.  Now that I think about it, she did a lot of things along those lines and had to affect me directly. 

ugh

[spemat]

I usually don't because I also deal with ADHD and bipolar I disorder which was the beginning for me.  I tend to have social apathy and assume no friends will like me.