New to this, yet sort of an expert

[Kittysnotthere]

I'm new to this page but not new to feeling like a failure. I spent my childhood being raised by a set of parents that both have personality disorders. There was a lot of physical abuse and neglect and unreasonable expectations. So when it comes to unreasonable expectations, I'm an expert.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2006 after surviving abuse from a two year marriage that started out great but evolved into physical and sexual abuse so I left; but not without a lot of physical and mental scars.

The sad thing has been the state of our justice system. I live in a state that seems to feel that they should turn a blind eye to child abuse if the parents have money. If you don't have money and your husband abuses you the line of questioning shows that most feel, at least in the mid 2000s they did, that you must have done something to deserve it. The abuse was reported many times over the years but never pursued. I have seen several therapists that seem to feel my coping skills, especially the detachment, comes from feeling let down by those in a position of authority.

I have done a lot to work on my issues over the last decade but I recently had another hospitalization. The nurses didn't know what to do since I would be acting normal for hours and then suddenly rocking back and forth repeating a mantra and if they touched me would go into a screaming panic attack. The doctors didn't know what to make of it either. I got diagnosed with Adjustment Reaction/PTSD again. It was only after going to a private counseling center it was suggested it might be CPTSD and for the first time what the therapist said actually made sense. I decided to go look for answers.

So hello all. Nice to meet you.

[Max]

Hi kitty,
Welcome to the forum.  I'm fairly new also and have found lots of info and support here.  I'm sorry for what you have gone through.  I am familiar with our broken justice system and it doesn't seem to have gotten any better.  Hopefully you are not with that abusive person anymore?  I'm glad you found your way here.   

[radical]

Nice to meet you, Kittysnotthere,

I'm so glad you got yourself out of your abusive relationship.  It's sad that childhood trauma so often leaves us vulnerable to abuse as adults, and yes money can empower abusers and enable them to more effectively get away with it.

Glad you found your way here and looking forward to hearing more from you!

[Three Roses]

So glad that you're here, Kittysnotthere! I know several of us will be able to empathize and relate to your experience with the justice system. Thanks for joining!

[Kittysnotthere]

I don't know if I'm expected to reply to replies or if it's just kind of an informal thing. So far I'm happy with what I see. Thanks folks I'm going to continue to check it out.

[Three Roses]

very informal, no need to respond to responses, heh heh. unless you want to. 

[Kizzie]

Hi Kitty and a warm welcome to OOTS     

I am so sorry to hear of all that you went through and that you never got the help/protection you needed.   

The abuse was reported many times over the years but never pursued.

Just a thought, but your experience makes me wonder if this would be grounds for an individual or perhaps class action law suit?  If this happened to you, it's likely there are others. We couldn't protect ourselves as children but as adults we do have power and it just may be the various agencies/ systems that should have protected us and didn't, can be encouraged n this way to be more accountable.   

Glad you made your way here and I hope you do find answers here. Certainly there are lots of us unfortunately.