neglect?

[Annegirl]

yes i know i was physically and emotionally abused. But as an adult i always get separational anxiety when my husband has to go away for a week or a few days on business. This brings me back to the same feelings i felt as a child when I was the last child to be picked up from school and often never picked up so i had to walk the hour walk home. Or from orchestra practice at nights i was 100 percent of the time the last one picked up and would be waiting up to an hour for my father to arrive. I mean its good they gave me an education. And when i had to walk home 1 hour walk from both dentist operations when the form specifically said i wasn't allowed to do exercise for a day after the operations. Which i had to pay for as a teenager.
I feel the same now when my husband leaves as when my mother used to leave for weeks and months at a time and i had to look after the family. I am wondering if these few examples that used to happen often as a child would be classified as neglect and maybe that is why i feel the same panic when i know my husband is going away on business and leaving me to care for the family.?
Would anyone ask their T about this or try to work through something like this with their T or is it not important enough?

[Cuthberta]

Yes, talk to your t. Those 'few examples' are indicative of an underlying pattern that was so normal that most of it you accepted without question, but it certainly looks like neglect to me.

Separation anxiety may indicate that you were not soothed properly as a child and taught that people who go away will come back again; this anxiety may trigger you into immense fear (as it does me). When I am very anxious there is no distinction in my mind between 'gone' and 'dead'; the two words are completely synonymous. I overcome this by having photographs of loved ones around my home; I can 'show' the anxious inner part of me that they have not gone; there they are. Funnily enough this helps; not totally but it does help. Modern cameras are brilliant for this: I have lots of pictures of my daughter with me that I can look at any time. : )

So do talk to your therapist. This kind of anxiety is very debilitating.

[KayFly]

Hey Annegirl,

Yes. Talk to your t about this for sure. It is important. I have the same problem when my boyfriend goes away or even goes to sleep. I'm in fear and it stems from my childhood abandonment. It's more than worthwhile, and now that you've mentioned it, I will be talking to my T about my issue as well. Thank you. I hope it gets better. 

K

[Inky]

Wow kayfly, you just jogged my memory big time! There was a while (like years) where I wanted my boyfriend (now husband) to stay awake until I fell asleep. Never even thought about it until your post reminded me. Thanks for this! <3

[Three Roses]

(Welcome to you, Inky! )

[Inky]

Thanks, Three Roses!! I'll do an intro post soon

[joyful]

Annegirl I just wanted to say thank you for your post. Cuz that is definitely me!! The last one to be picked up...that brought back lots of emotions for me.
You also opened my eyes more to my over dependence on my boyfriend...I try to fix it but I just feel so much safer when I know someone is there and taking care of me so I don't have to be afraid.
...anyway that was a long way to say thank you for your post