Partner Sexsomnia Re-traumatizing Me *trigger warning* (?)

[deptofhearts]

This has been happening for 19 years now - amazing husband, supportive and loyal but has some sexsomia issues - as in whilst asleep or mostly asleep he occasionally tries to initiate stuff - on the odd instance he will jump on me, give me a * of a fright... totally unaware of his actions unless I wake him by hitting him or shoving him away.
I have had years of sleeping on the edge and am nervous of any movement, I wake right up angry and ashamed - completely retraumatized and head straight into freeze/dissociating. The feeling is such that I can't complain and even have trouble calling it what it is. Which leaves me distraught and feeling trapped, and not respected but violated. The same old feeling that my body "doesn't belong to me." 
Does anyone else have experience with this? I love him a lot, really I do and he is such a good man and hates that he does this. Right now though I want to never share a bed with him, and all trust feels eroded. Sad.
Thanks, so glad for this forum.


This is from wikipedia....
Sleep sex, or sexsomnia, is a condition in which a person will engage in sexual activities while asleep. This condition falls within the broad class of sleep disorders known as parasomnias. In extreme cases, sexsomnia has been alleged, and accepted, as at least a part of the cause of sexual assault, including rape.

[Dee]

I did a little research because I was curious.  From what I read this can be treated by a sleep specialist.  The prognosis is good.  Is he getting treatment?  Also, no matter what you have to take care of yourself.  I am sure that someone who loves you wants nothing less and has no desire to retraumatize you.  Is it possible to arrange different sleeping accommodations while he is being treated?  Take care of yourself.  You can't be there for someone else if you don't. 

[sanmagic7]

i totally agree with dee.  professional help sounds like the way to go (to me).  best to you with this - and great courage you've shown in naming it.  often that's half the battle.  big  safe hug to you.

[deptofhearts]

thanks so much Dee and sanmagic7, I really appreciate it. yes its a strange conundrum to find myself in - although its taken 19 years to tell someone (you guys x). He is not yet getting treatment - has been slack about dealing with it but I have spoken up fairly strongly about it. He has agreed to take responsibility for that for keeping me safe.
Apparently it runs in the family, can be a genetic thing but has not long had an 'official' label and is similar to sleepwalking with horrendous consequences in some cases. But anyways, I have had enough - its hard to heal with c-ptsd when you don't feel safe in your current space and get slingshot straight back to the feeling.

[mesuthatch]

My current boyfriend has some sexsomnia issues as well so I am aware of what you're talking about.  I can imagine how it could trigger the feeling you are talking about.  He is very gentle when it has happened but I️ don't know how I️ would react if he was aggressive.  I experience feelings of hurt and like I'm not good enough.  I struggle with that and I know he does too.  Just letting you know I'm here.   

[Three Roses]

(Welcome, yakusoku!)

[yakusoku]

Thanks for the welcome. Sorry I couldn't leave my post up.

[Three Roses]

It's ok