Triggered and still came out ok

[Wife#2]

Friday was a very tough day. I was triggered, emotional and basically a mess. But, I pulled myself together, with the help of folks on this website!! By the time I headed home, I was depressed, but good.

When I got home, I told Hubby nothing about the meltdown, but did admit to feeling off and down. He tried his best to help me past those feelings. It helped a lot!

Sunday - we go to crank the van. Sputtering, a burning smell then smoke. I turn it off. Hubby asks me to crank again (sounds like a command, but he's being very nice). I do - more sputtering and smoke. I immediately turn it back off. This is NOT good.  *** Count my blessings, I have another vehicle to drive until we can afford to get this one fixed.

I'm bummed, but trying to not let it fall into full depression. I almost succeed. Hubby notices this and takes full blame about the van. I let him know it's way more than that and besides, I haven't exactly taken great care of the thing. He agrees and we have a good, if unusually quiet day and evening.

I get up this morning. It's cold. OK, I know it's cold outside. It is, after all, January. But, it's really cold. So, I check the thermostat and the heat pump - 55 degrees F in the house. That's warmer than outside by a lot, but our heat pump usually does better. I turn on the emergency heat and alert hubby (who was still asleep, poor fellow) what's happening.

Later today, hubby calls. He's set up for the heat pump folks to come by and check out the problem. Could be a $75 diagnosis or could be $400 that we BARELY have to fix the problem. It is what it is. Hubby is concerned that this may send me back into depression. And, you know what? Right now, it isn't!

I have every reason to be completely depressed. A vehicle down. I showed by emotional side at work Friday. Heat not working during Arctic air blast. Anyone would be depressed at this point. But, somehow I'm not. I'm not exactly chipper - these are real concerns that I'm not sure how we'll fix yet, but I believed my husband when he told me it'll be alright. I do believe him. I know alright may still stink and be a pain in the rump, but alright is still alright!

That is a better way of relating to the world, dontcha think? It sure beats my defeatist thinking of late. Hurray for 2017! It may be a challenging year, but it may still be a very good year. Hurray!

[Contessa]

This brought a smile to my face, well done Wife#2

We all get thrown these curveballs from time to time, and we cannot control their happening. But its so affirming to be at a point where we can choose how to respond rather than automatically emotionally react.

You're an inspiration

[Wife#2]

Now I'm blushing!

Honestly , one of the things that helps me today is coming to this website. And the emoticon that shows the bricks falling down. That emoticon helped me put things into perspective. Yes, a lot did happen, but do I really feel under the bricks like that? If so, why, what can I do to help myself feel less covered up? If not, then it must be ok - or getting there soon.

So, Kizzie - thank you for this website again. Thank you for finding these cool emoticons!

And, thank you Contessa, for making me blush. That was a nice feeling! Smile - you made someone's day!

[Contessa]

Its contagious!

Yes, this site has definitely been a major factor for recovery.

You reminded me of a time I accidentally missed a flght, returned home later in the day to find one of my fish decomposing in the toilet (it had shorted out my electricity when it jumped on a power board, and the person I had caring for it did the toilet thing but it didn't flush away), all of the food and months of meals I had frozen in the freezer were off (they couldn't find the fuze box), and the hot water system oddly broke as a consequence. Because of this blasted fish!

Frustrating at the time but a hilarious story now. At my most resilient I try to skip the annoyance and jump straight to the giggles to save time

[Wife#2]

OMG, what a story!

Mine is keeping perspective during the hurricane last year. Yes, it was scary. Yes, I was probably funny to watch trying to be calm for 8-year-old when calm was the LAST thing I felt. In the aftermath, we decided:
1) We all look better in candle light.
2) Propane cookers are AWESOME!!! So is the coffee brewed on one!
3) The front porch has a pretty good view.
4) Four stir-fry one-pan meals is enough for any week.
5) Hot food beats cold food in the yummy department.
6) Hot coffee is awesome!
7) A week without power is not as big a disaster as we feared.
It's good to be prepared (thank you Bro for making that Hurricane kit years ago!).
9) Hot coffee is awesome! Ok - so I mentioned this a few times, but it really, really, really IS awesome!

I have a friend in Out Of The Fog - his quote is one of my favorites and I try to keep it in mind often.: The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?  ** The quote is Captain Jack in one of the Pirates movies. Anyway - I love it because that boils down to the core what we with cPTSD are going through. The current situation is not the problem. Our attitude (flashbacks, triggering, failing to be present in the present tense) is the problem. In my view, since I don't have all the skills needed to keep myself aware of my attitude about the problem, my attitude about the problem can go and cause MORE problems. So, I am working on attitude first. THEN, I can actually LOOK at the problem for what it is. THEN, I can actually handle the problem! Something I used to not be able to do at all!

I do wish this was more of a path and less of a rollercoaster. I'd feel much more successful if backsliding wasn't such a big part of my reality.

But, this weekend, I felt horrible and yet didn't succumb to the depression. Today, I felt overwhelmed and didn't twist off into disregulation-land. I count those as wins! A good day when my attitude about the problem WASN'T the problem. HURRAY!

And hurray to you for finding the humor - that such a little fish could cause such a big problem! Jokes that occur to me:
Well, looks like s/he wanted you to eat out. I mean really...
Give a person a fish, s/he is fed for a day - unless said fish jumps the bowl and destroys ALL the stored food in the freezer!
Teach a person to fish and s/he can exact her/his revenge on that species for ruining so much frozen food.....
Give a person another fish - and there will be netting over the bowl THIS time!
Ask a person to watch said fish - and they'd better not have any fishy escapes on their resume! LOL
No more playing 'Finding Nemo' in front of the fish tank!
That goes for 'Finding Dory', too!
And 'Jaws', definitely not 'Jaws'.
Maybe 'A Fish Called Wanda', but no... maybe not.

[Contessa]

I am slightly envious of your hurricane blackout now! And yes the coffee is delicious... have to boil the kettle...I remember blackouts as a kid and loving them, then the lights would be turned on and I would be disappointed - back to the real world.

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem

What a great saying. If you have the right attitude, is there really a problem? Okay yes. There is another event that for the life of me I cannot remember, but I do remember thinking that in a couple of months i'd be laughing about it so why not do it then and there. Obviously it wasn't a total disaster, just an inconvenience.

Yeah the roller coaster sucks, but you've made a great start with this one. Hopefully you'll be able to take the dips and curves a lot better as they come. Perhaps not enjoy them, but not be shaken as much when you get to the end.

[2Spirits]

Hello Wife#2 and Contessa,
you are both great! 
That's so very true and also not-so-easy-to-do, to skip the drama and go straight to the laughter. Thank you for reminding me, that's what I need from time to time 

I also want to share a story. In the last weeks I was triggered over and over and had one EF after another every day, just getting out of one and then the next. So when I had some time alone, i tried to do laughter meditation. It was not very naturally, but i wanted to get some light energy. And in the evening my father tried to tell me what's wrong with me: he told me that i never play outside with my child and that i was bad at parenting and if he would have his way with my son, the child would be allowed to play outside. This was so completely rude and crossing boundaries. On the other side, it was so nonsensical, because we go outside often, in the garden and in the woods and go climb trees or build huts for dwarfs and elves, or whatever - the accusation was so far from reality. I just told him he had no idea and was telling nonesense.
This was quite a trigger, because I am triggered by being accused of something that isn't remotely true, and i had the next EF. But when I told my wife about it, I really started laughing when I imagined all the nonsense I could have replied to this statement - and the ef was over. It was really a relief to see the comical side of it.

And i wish you (wife#2) fast, reliable and affordable help with the car and the heating!

[Wife#2]

Thanks, 2spirits - The van was the medium cost (not cheapest, not worst), so that's good - and it'll be fixed in time for tax money - at least we can pay that. the heat seemed to fix itself - at least it hasn't been as cold since then. But, February is coming, so I really wish the HVAC men had kept their appointment with us. We'll keep calling.

[Contessa]

Hey 2Spirits, me too! I am triggered by the same thing. There are nice ways to say something and not so nice. Nice ways illicit conversation and perhaps laughter. Not so nice creates opposition. If its all about the same topic, nice is more effective and not emotionally taxing. Sigh.

It never used to be a trigger until a few years ago.

Wife#2 glad there is some light, and the heat fixing itself, phew
PS- just got a cat... maybe I should get it some toy fish. I wonder if I can find a fish night light...

[Wife#2]

Cat + laser toy equals hours of entertainment for cat & human. And good exercise for cat! Just my recommendation. Even my lazy cat I had years ago would chase a laser light.

The funniest one was the one who figured out that that silver thingy in your hand is making the light. Still, he'd check that out, follow the beam and - it was ON.

Most fishy nightlights these days will be dory. Lots and lots of dory. LOL

[Contessa]

Ah the laser. I know nothing about cats but I heard the laser is a worthwhile investment. At the moment it scares itself in the mirror so a bit of learning to do.

I'd prefer a balloon molly myself