Not feeling good

[lijygr]

Please don't delete this post I know we aren't supposed to post anything about suicidal ideation and self harm and everything and I dont want to kill myself I swear! But I can't help but go to this place of thinking about doing all this * up * to myself just to feel something. I won't go into what those things are because this would definately get removed, but I really want to know what people do I  these situations and how they cope and why other people do these things too. I'm honestly not trying to get attention I just want to somehow connect with people with a similar life story then me and it's easier for me to hide behind a screen then to ever bring anything up with the people around me. And I just want to know how other people do it cause I'm finding it really hard not to just curl into the fetal position and never move.

[VeryFoggy]

liygr - Oh I so totally get it.  I am not feeling all that well myself right now. My experience is that when my relationships in the present go to  pieces, that is when my thoughts turn downward and depression and bad thoughts start.

Things I do that help. Absolutely even if you are completely against it, anti depressants help.  I am totally against them but started back up a week ago in desperation for some relief from the pain.  I got it.  I am able to think more clearly and the pain is drastically reduced.  I also am seeing a therapist.  This has been of tremendous benefit to have SOMEBODY on my side who validates me and gets me and who wants to support me and help me. 

Also I Journal A LOT. Too much probably, but talking to myself and putting my thoughts and feelings on paper and looking actively looking for solutions helps.  Also I used to watch John Gray videos and read his books.  He is a relationship coach who wrote Men Are From Mars.  I enjoyed very much learning about "normal" people's problems and how to relate. Very helpful to see something new and different where hope of resolution was actually a possibility.  Usually in our current relationships we have chosen people who in some way remind us of the past and we are acting in a futile play that will not ever resolve the way we want it to. 

So those are my ways of coping when I hit the rock bottom.  I hope you find something that is helpful and I am so sorry you are going through this.  But we are here, and we have all been there.  We know what it is like.

[Rrecovery]

Been there, so sorry you're suffering so intensely right now.  I'll write a list of my go tos when I feel that depressed.  I agree with VF - hit it chemically, whatever it takes to relieve this level of pain and suffering.  SAMe works quickly, is over the counter in the US and most people have no side effects.  5-HTP (best taken under the tongue even if it's not the sublingual type) also works quickly and is over the counter.

What usually brings me out of the depths is "a thought" that switches my paradigm a bit.  Finding the "thought" that will work is tricky.  I'll list the ones that have worked at times:
- What a difference a day makes (opens the door to the reality that at some point I'll feel better, could even be tomorrow)
- I don't always feel like this; I will feel better again
- (some insight about my current problem, but I often can't see it - I agree with VF, my therapist often helps - or a friend you know who is supportive and encouraging)

Exercise - "run" away from the depression

It was courageous and life-affirming of you to post and open the door to support, care and encouragement.  Sending you white light (if that's okay)   

[Trees]

lijyr, I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible.   I know what it's like that you feel so bad you have to tell someone about it, but they freak out thinking you will harm yourself. 

When we feel that bad, it is a good time to call a suicide hotline.  That kind of despair qualifies you for a kind listening ear. 

I do find that sometimes actually assuming the fetal position and hiding from the world can be helpful.

For me, a strong cup of coffee can often boost my mood and my courage enough to face life again.  And really healthy food.  A can of sardines has a lot of omega-3 and that is very good for a totally stressed-out brain.  And exercise, lots of exercise.

And for me, antidepressants and a lot of nutritional supplements, but those are more dependent on taking them regularly.

I used to be unable to cry during those times of despair, but lately I have been finding it very soothing to go ahead and have a really good cry.

"It was courageous and life-affirming of you to post and open the door to support, care and encouragement."  Asking for help is such a positive thing, absolutely life-affirming.  Feeling pain in one's mind is still feeling real pain.  You deserve a lot of help to deal with all this pain.     
  My thoughts are with you.

[schrödinger's cat]

Iijyr, not sure if I can say anything helpful. If I'm feeling bad, I mostly go into a Freeze reaction and go numb. But I'll be thinking of you, and I hope so much that things will become bearable for you again very soon.

Other than that, I learned (the hard way, obviously) that sometimes it's best to check that I'm not hungry. It sounds trivial, and maybe it's just me, but being hungry makes a big difference for the worse. And running helps, or long brisk walks while listening to hard rock at full blast. Or writing fantasy stories, because they're escapist enough to feel comforting while still allowing me to process what's happening to me.

Keep in touch with us, yes? We'd hate for you to be alone in this. It sounds excrutiatingly painful. I'll be thinking of you.