An Introduction.

[Martin68]

when i'm in such a position, i realize that this is not a person who wants to debate, but wants to win, so i keep my power by letting the person think they won by just being innocuous about it.  i'll say something like 'agree to disagree' or 'i'll think on that' and let it go.   i don't want to waste my time and energy on people like this anymore.  i used to try to get them to see my point, to understand, to get them to change their perspective, but it was never really satisfying or had a pos. ending.  so i quit, and i feel much happier within myself for doing so.

best to you with this, martin.  it ain't always easy, but there is always a way.  big hug!

Thanks for the support once again.
I find it really exhausting keeping a lid on those feelings of rage I experience, they come over me in reasonably ordinary situations.
I do manage to keep control in these situations, I just wish I didn't have to, it's tiring. The feeling of being on high alert all the time means that it doesn't take much to push me over the edge, then I have to closely manage my behaviour and reactions.
It's a real pain in the butt.
 

[sanmagic7]

martin, i think that as you continue with your recovery, you'll discover the roots of those rages, be able to explore them, and eventually either eliminate or understand better how to manage them.  is there a safe way that you can get some of that anger out?  i've learned that rage is anger mixed with shame.  my favorite is pounding my bed, yelling at the top of my lungs.  making noise (i was always taught to be seen but not heard) is very cathartic for me. 

it's horrible to think you have to keep it all inside.  you don't - just find a way to let it out that doesn't hurt you or anyone else.  maybe your therapist can give you some suggestions.  and i think when you discover the root causes of that anger, you will have something to focus it on.  i've found that to be most productive and gives me the most relief.  big hug!

[Martin68]

martin, i think that as you continue with your recovery, you'll discover the roots of those rages, be able to explore them, and eventually either eliminate or understand better how to manage them.  is there a safe way that you can get some of that anger out?  i've learned that rage is anger mixed with shame.  my favorite is pounding my bed, yelling at the top of my lungs.  making noise (i was always taught to be seen but not heard) is very cathartic for me. 

it's horrible to think you have to keep it all inside.  you don't - just find a way to let it out that doesn't hurt you or anyone else.  maybe your therapist can give you some suggestions.  and i think when you discover the root causes of that anger, you will have something to focus it on.  i've found that to be most productive and gives me the most relief.  big hug!

I feel like I am constantly spinning plates... do you know what I mean by that? Lol.

I have tried to put things in place for myself as I have learned along the way what works for me, those tools which I can use to manage the various parts/aspects of my condition as it is.
Things like increasing my social contact with people who are good for me, trying to keep up a helpful level of exercise, I find mountain biking helps me, it puts me in touch with the outdoors and the men I cycle with I actually went to primary school with 40years ago. Some days I just don't want to see anyone, but do my best to keep it up.

I just learned a little bit about my inner critic, what I used to previously call my internal narrator, I have been trying strategies to help with this and am learning how I can pull myself out of negative loops by dragging  myself  back into the moment... a work in progress with this, but I'm trying, this can often be necessary dozens of times in one day.

These are just a few of the things that contribute to a better day for me, but as you can see, there are a few plates to spin there, this is even without considering living up to the daily expectations of putting bread on the table and paying the bills, being a father, son, husband, brother... etc... so no pressure here.   

So yep... plate spinning.  It's not always easy.

[sanmagic7]

no, it isn't.  i hear ya.  i'm in the middle of some of that myself right now.  ugh!

ever onward.   big hug!

[Martin68]

no, it isn't.  i hear ya.  i'm in the middle of some of that myself right now.  ugh!

ever onward.   big hug!

Hey... hope you are ok? Maybe you need some of then hugs yourself just now... 

You are welcome... 

[sanmagic7]

love them!  they felt great!  thanks, martin 68.  feeling better today, calmer.  i hope you are, too.

[Kizzie]

  for you Martin and for you San. 

I hope today is a better day for you both 

[Martin68]

love them!  they felt great!  thanks, martin 68.  feeling better today, calmer.  i hope you are, too.

I feel better with the support I feel from you and others here. This forum is working for me I think... many thanks to you all.

for you Martin and for you San. 

I hope today is a better day for you both 

Yes a better day today, thanks for the hug, very much appreciated. 

[sanmagic7]