Recovery and exhaustion

[jdcooper]

I reached a crucial breakthrough session with my therapist last week.  I got very angry on my own behalf and told my therapist that I am worthy of good things and that I am certainly able to get through this and move forward with my recovery.  It was an emotional and powerful experience.

Since then, I have not been sleeping well and am exhausted.  I have intense dreams every night. 

I am doing so much better in my relationships with other people-feel more alive and determined and assertive.  I can even laugh now.

I just can't get motivated to be physical and clean my house and exercise.  Just too tired.

Is this normal?  I just want my old energy back.  I used to clean my house for hours at a time-go for three to four hour hikes.  Now (in the past two years since all this recovery took place)  I just do the bare minimum in my house and have to force myself to take my dog for a walk.

Please share with me if any of you have experienced this.   Can I expect my energy to return?

[sanmagic7]

hey, jd, your exhaustion is completely normal, from my experience.  recovery is such difficult work on so many levels!  these are extremely heavy issues we're dealing with, and just being able to acknowledge them let alone keep going to extricate ourselves from them is using up so much energy - how could you possibly have the same amount for things like housecleaning?

as far as the sleeping and dreaming, i believe that your brain/subconscious is also working overtime with the new information you have consciously acknowledged by standing up for yourself, allowing that righteous anger to finally surface.  lots of work there!  and good for you, too!  you're showing a lot of courage by doing so.

do i believe your energy will come back?  yes i do, but maybe not in the same form.  you're making a transition from who/what you were to where you finally want to end up.  you may want to use your energy for other things in the future.  we don't know exactly where this process will lead us, but i believe the process is valid and that we can have faith in it.

the fact that relationships are smoother for you is an indication that your process is working in a pos. way.  maybe you're able to put more energy into them than previously.   we have limited amounts, and we pick and choose where and how we want to use it.   i think you're on a good, strong path.  well done!

[jdcooper]

Thanks sanmagic, that makes me feel a lot better.

[Dee]

I do the same.  I have recently approached issues with my FOO head on.  I had to realize that I will always be blamed for things.     I also took a close look at their snide remarks and how they cause me to backslide in therapy.  I have finally come to the conclusion I will never have the family that I always wanted.  I have also realized with a heavy heart that I need to distance myself from my sister. 

With all of this, I am exhausted.  Every step seems to be work and doing anything is a major debate.  I am pretty sure I could just lay on my bed all day and not even sleep.  I have attributed my extreme exhaustion to my eating disorder.  I am sure some it is due to that, but after reading your post I think there are other things at work too.  Thanks for the eyeopener.  It is hard work to get better.

[sanmagic7]

you're right, dee, it is hard work to get better.  and, like with any hard work, be it mental, physical, or emotional, we're going to be tired from doing it.   i spend  a lot of my time feeling tired, but i have faith that it will lessen as i'm able to put the hardest of the work behind me.  we just need to keep moving, and the rest will come.   that's my belief.

[Three Roses]

Best wishes to you, jd and Dee, as you move thru this transitional state.

[Saule]

It's definitely a thing! The more intense work I do with my therapist, the more exhausted I am. I often come home after a therapy session and sleep for 2 hours. This work uses up a lot of energy. Our nervous systems are working way harder than the average person and that takes its toll on the body!

[jdcooper]

I had a good cry on Sunday and then completely tuned out for hours listening to music and didn't move from my couch.  Unfortunately, things are not getting done, like the house being cleaned.  I think I may just hire someone to clean my house and just let it go.

[sanmagic7]

that's the spirit, jd!  sometimes we need to delegate work as we're going through this.  no shame in that.  i love your idea!