EF at work, exhausted

[ALLHAILTHEGLOWCLOUD]

I tend to get really triggered and have emotional flashbacks at work. I work in a food cart so I'm not legally entitled to breaks, and the quarters are close.  Also, I'm usually in charge of both taking orders and cooking unless I'm working with another person. Sometimes it's just really hard to deal with customers, especially the ones who watch me work from the window. I find myself getting irrationally enraged at the men who do this especially even though they're just waiting for their food or waiting to order. 

Often it's just not possible for me to take a step back and calm down if something sets me off. I'll get an order and another and another and if I don't focus on timing things don't go so well. So that has to be my priority, and there isn't usually much mental space left to do anything other than try not to beat myself up for panicking. 

Then when they're finally all gone I often notice I'm even more agitated  than before but it's cloaked beneath a dissociation that makes me clumsy and forgetful.

I get really resentful of anyone who speaks to me or wants to order something when I'm just trying to calm down. I know it's not fair - plenty of our customers are really nice, and I can count on one hand the number of really nasty incidents I deal with in a year at this job. But it's really hard when I can't even grab 5 minutes to recenter, and then the longer it goes on the more time I need to care for myself after.  A lot of the time I am left exhausted at the end of the day in a way that's not normal - a "raw" and hopeless feeling that makes me want to hide from everyone and curl up and try to sleep or just not think.

I know it's not anyone's fault, but I get really discouraged sometimes when things take waaaaaay more energy for me than they seem to for most people.  Like going to the grocery store.  Nobody I know really likes doing it,  but when I go grocery shopping that's it,  that's my Important Thing That I Can Do Today.  Emotional flashbacks have a lot to do with the immense energy drain of CPTSD imo.

[sanmagic7]

hey, glowcloud, i'm with you on the grocery store focus for the day.  i'm even prepping myself mentally the day before!

that sounds really rough that you don't have those 5 min. to regroup, take a bathroom break to just be by yourself for a bit, let your nerves settle down.  i wish i had something productive to tell you, but i'm afraid i don't.  just know that i get it.  big hug. 

[Lawreatha]

I would also like advice on managing EF at work. I am a cashier. There are so many triggers at work, and I get overwhelmed with anxiety. I am so tired. I need a quick way to find my center and calm down.

[Entropic]

Did yo ever speak to your HR about this? They may be able to transfer you to something less stressful. But I relate to you, anyway. I work in customer service too and when I have bad days people don't understand it's not that easy to do your job because it's not the  same as it is for a "normal" person having a bad day.

[rosiehillinhan]

I'm in the same boat. I work in childcare, and there is absolutely no "stepping away for a moment" when caring for kids. I am SO drained by the end of the day, it takes every amount of effort I have to do the dishes before I collapse on the couch. I also understand the need for "One Important Thing A Day." I've often thought my life seemed so much harder than everyone else's because I just don't seem to be able to "deal" like everyone else.

So, I'm another who would definitely be open to advice or tips on how to deal in the workplace!