Taken over by parts or flashbacks

[Armee]

Something happened 2 nights ago that disturbed me when I remembered it.

I was in the bath and this is a problematic place for me to be in. It's where the most wounded part lives and I often find myself passed out in the bottom of the cold empty bathtub in the middle of the night.

But this time I've been more in connection with these 2 split parts...a 5 year old part that split off an older "8 year old" part to take the abuse that she was too little to take. The "8 yr old" lives in the bathtub but is really just the 5 yr old, dissociated/split.

But when I was in the bath 2 nights ago I got completely taken over. Fully blended in parts language, or just fully immersed in a flashback to the point where I had no sense of current reality in more traditional PTSD language. I forgot this had happened until the next morning when I was driving home from dropping my kid off at school and then I remembered.

That the night before I had been in the tub while it was full of water and while blended with this 8 yr old part with no sense of current life, I heard the voices in my head saying I should just drown myself and slip under the water and die. And then I slipped under the water in an almost comatose state. When the water rushed into my nose I snapped out of it a tiny bit but just barely. Not enough to realize what had happened just enough to sit up above the water.

I have no suicidal intentions at all. But I think I was reexperiencing perhaps a past period when this might have been something I tried to do.

It scared me when I remembered this. I did tell T and he was very calm and positive about it which helped. Positive in the sense it is good that these parts are sharing what happened in the past so I can heal.

[Kizzie]

I can only imagine how frightening that must have been Armee. It's so reassuring that you have a T who remains calm and positive when you share with them. It's the role modeling from a caring adult so few of us had, the lack of which meant our inner worlds and the world itself were terrifying.

I hope you're able to get to the bottom of it.

[Blueberry]