Kindness

[Rainagain]

Today I am thinking that kindness is going to be key to whatever recovery I will be able to manage.

Kindness to myself (historically not one of my strong points)

Kindness from others (often not recognised, especially by my old self)

Kindness toward others (something I do without noticing it and appreciating it as important)

This forum allows me to be supported and to support myself and others.

I am thinking that kindness is key, that living in an isolated place and living defensively reduces threat but also opportunities to deal in kindness.

My reactions to trauma drive away kindness opportunities.

Is it as straight forward as that? I thought that being safe and time might lead to recovery, but if kindness is key then I need to be more active in my recovery.

I'm going to call it kind fullness, write a self help book and take it on tour, unless I'm talking rubbish.

[Three Roses]

I think this is brilliant!! You're def into something  Can't wait to hear more.

[Rainagain]

 Thanks TR,
I have so many thoughts I never know which are true and which are crazy.

If I start thinking of stuff I do in terms of kind fullness then it shows what is right and what is harmful to recovery.

I am qualified in horticulture and have been meaning to grow a few shrubs from seed or cuttings but haven't bothered. Today I saw it as a kindful activity.

If I help nurture plants, they grow, I plant them out and they provide food and shelter for wildlife and I find them appealing. Everyone benefits from my actions, including myself.

I live near a long deserted beach which has plastic stuff washing up. I clean it up now and then but usually can't be bothered. Yet clearing plastic is kindful to the animals that live in the sea, helps others to enjoy beauty without litter and helps me feel good and do something constructive with my time.

I have kept bees for 35 years but stopped when I moved countries. That is a 5 star kindful activity which I must return to.

Its so obvious.

I do stuff for others but often it is not fully kindful as I get little return and people can take me for granted. If they don't receive it as kindness I'm not sure it counts as kindfulness.

More like exploitation I guess!

[Blueberry]

I think this is brilliant too! Certainly not crazy. I really like your kindfulness in nurturing plants. I do that a bit too. These are actions which give me some meaningfulness in life, when other reasons are difficult to see. That's how I see it. The way you put it in your first post I find poetic - it's moving to read.

I also get the dichotomy of doing kindful activities versus feeling taken for granted / exploited. That's a theme in my life too.

[sanmagic7]

i really do think kindfulness inward and outward is key.  if everyone on this planet were kind, what a difference it would make in our world.  nothing crazy about that!

i think one way to not feel exploited is to do only those things that you really want to do, that have a kindful meaning for you, yourself.  that way, you will always get a benefit from what you do, and it doesn't matter about the others.   where we need to be especially careful with this (too many experiences myself) is when asked to do something. 

that's where our boundaries become important, our own kindness to ourselves.  kind people can get exploited easily if they don't stand firmly behind their limits.  setting those limits is being kind to ourselves while still not be unkind to others.  it's part of self-care.

it would make a great self-help book.  you go!  big hug.

[Rainagain]

Thank you so much for your input, I am really touched.

Maybe the three areas of kindfulness (to yourself, to others and back from others) need to all be present for it to be a healing experience?

If you have boundary issues (I do) then it helps clarify where there is a kindfulness deficit.

It also helps me see situations in a different way.

Here is an example:
I have been doing some unpaid work for an elderly neighbour, she now takes me for granted and is sometimes quite annoying/triggering. I was upset today as she was blaming me for stuff she had caused. She is pretty crazy at times. I looked at the situation and realised that her partner would suffer if I stopped doing the work, he is really great and tries to do too much, she takes him for granted too. his health would suffer if I stopped as he Is frail. He really appreciates what I do and has really helped me when he can.
I realised that what I do for her is indirect kindness to him, he shows kindness to me and so I saw what I do is a good thing all round.
It doesn't matter if some bonkers old lady is making things tricky, it is not about that really, even though initially I only saw her unreasonable behaviour.

If I was really kind I would see she can't help how she is, but she is so annoying! I'm no saint......