The day that turned things around for the better *** mild trigger ***

[Wife#2]

Surrounding all of my responding friends here, new and established, with the gentle, soft light of comfort and peace. This light is gentle, yet it shines on the shadowy places, removing some of the fear that was hiding there. Once all are feeling the comfort of friendship and the peace of love, I will send you the next round:

The brighter lights of energy and confidence. Each and every one of you deserve these in abundance. We may have to work our ways up to these, but the are there, waiting for us. We ARE worth the effort to reach them. Energy is to complete the tasks that may seem impossible right now:

Getting out of bed
Holding a complete thought
Comforting ourselves
Tackling that monster if you're ready for that stage.

I've never been a big fan of yoga (triggers hide in that word for me), but I certainly embrace the slow, intentional, mindful and selfishly-self-preserving power of breathing. I learned about breathing in yoga and that was one part I'm glad I learned. Together, now: Inhale slowly. As you feel the wind enter your lungs, feel the breeze of love and worthiness sweep away the cobwebs of doubt and fear from EVERY corner of your lungs. Now, slowly, breathe those unhealthy emotions and all the other toxins that have built up in your life, like so much carbon monoxide built up in your lungs, and slowly push them out. Not too fast, like dust particles when you're sweeping, they can billow away from the dustpan target if you go to fast. There - just. like. that. Repeat until feeling refreshed.

and lots of love, warmth, comfort and peace to you.

[sanmagic7]

you are so beautiful!

[Candid]

That was a nice, simple meditation, Wife#2. I could feel other members around me as you talked me through it. Thank you!

[Wife#2]

I wonder if there is a holding-hands-chain-of-emojis emoji out there? 

Emoji or not, I love the image in my mind of all of us standing in a circle, holding hands. One by one, we take our turns in the center. While in the center, we get to hear ALL the wonderful things about ourselves that these other folks have come to know us have uncovered. NO exaggeration allowed, so that we can KNOW that these are genuine observations. Hmmm, I may start a new thread for that - under healing maybe?

We are here together, struggling with this beast of cPTSD together. We didn't volunteer for this duty, but we're doing the best we can in THIS moment. Together, we are doing amazing things - we are finding our ways. Some how, we can pull together and make a difference for others as we make a difference for ourselves as well. Some days, just getting out of bed has to be enough because it's all we can do. I celebrate each an every one of you who've chosen life today. Thank you. I'd miss you otherwise.         

[sanmagic7]

i've done your breathing exercise several times now, wife2, and it resulted in long yawns.  didn't i read somewhere that yawning like that is a release of some kind of tension or neg. energy?  anyway, that's what i'm choosing to believe, and it's been really helpful.  thank you!

a circle of revelation and truth.  what a glorious idea!  to hear that from others, simply be inundated with it, would be intense.  i know i would crumple and cry under the sheer majesty of it.  you are a fount of wonder and wisdom.  everything good back atcha, my dear friend.  love and a big hug!

[Wife#2]

Not too wise - just good memory sometimes. I totally stole that idea from a tv movie I saw years ago. Anyway, a child was suffering and lonely. The teacher noticed. She'd also noticed some bullying and cruel teasing of that child. She decided to make a difference. She had every child take a piece of paper and write his or her name on it. Then, they passed the paper around until everyone had a chance to write something on it about that child. It had to be good. It had to be true. Then, each child received their own paper back.

Years later, the child had become a successful adult. He went back to visit the teacher, because she was ill, dying in fact. He told her what a difference she'd made in his life. He pulled out of his wallet that piece of paper with childish handwriting on it. He showed her that he'd kept that little paper. As had every student from that class.

Sometimes, just knowing that there are people in the world who think you are smart, beautiful, kind, generous, funny, witty, have a great laugh, have sparkly eyes... whatever it is about you that makes you YOU to them, can help us get through those bad days and to the better days.

[sanmagic7]

a great story.  your wisdom comes from being able to apply these things to real life in a real way.  not everyone can do that.  thank you again, for being you.  i appreciate you very much.  big hug, dear friend.

[Wife#2]

BIG hug to you, too, Sanmagic7. Thank you for being in my life. It is a better place with you here.

[Candid]

* TRIGGER WARNING*

Wife#2, what a lovely story about the teacher who turned a child's life around. Conversely, there's Cipher in the Snow, http://www.michellewatt-educator.com/uploads/1/3/6/8/13680691/cipher_in_the_snow.pdf. Every primary school teacher should read it.

[Wife#2]

That story was so sad, I was crying by the end.... Please add a trigger warning to your post.

**** Possible Trigger Warning - self-esteem issues ****

I was that child in some ways. I had to make worth for myself, I wasn't finding it from my FOO. I had to decide on my own that I had value. My teachers didn't send me down the 'broken' path, but the 'fails to meet potential' path stings sometimes, too. Still, I thought I was doing pretty good with a father absent more than he was present and a mother who had lost all interest in PTA or involvement in this child's life. The sting of knowing Mom did those things for the older ones, but had given up when it was my turn. Yeah. Well, I had to decide I wasn't nothing all on my own.

Like the teacher in that story, I get angry when I see this society so quick to slap on labels, then never allow that child emerge from that label. It's lazy. It's reckless. It's abusive. No, I'm not so foolish as to believe that teachers, administrators, counselors and staff at schools have time to get to know each student. So, it's the high achievers and the squeaky wheels that get the attention.

I worry for my son, who is gaining a reputation in 3rd grade as a difficult, emotional child. They're trying to slap labels on him and I'm fighting tooth-and-nail any attempt to do that. By institution standards, he's 'too emotional'. By my husband's standards he's 'too emotional'. By my standards, he's sensitive compared to most boys and needs better coping skills for when he gets overwhelmed.

My son may still require therapy and the loving support of friends away from his FOO. But, I don't ever want him to hurt like I described at the top of this thread. I want him to know that there is ALWAYS hope. Sometimes, we have to find it within ourselves. Sometimes we have to reach out to find it. But, it's always there. Getting to the hopeful place may hurt and piss us off, but it's still worth getting there.

[Candid]

I had to decide on my own that I had value. My teachers didn't send me down the 'broken' path, but the 'fails to meet potential' path stings sometimes, too.

Yes. I got called "big head" when I brought home an A, and groaned at with all the "Candid is lazy" or "Candid could do much better" comments. I always did well in school without putting myself out too much, and there was no payoff for doing better.

The sting of knowing Mom did those things for the older ones, but had given up when it was my turn. Yeah. Well, I had to decide I wasn't nothing all on my own.

I did, too. I certainly got the impression that when my parents went to open nights, they spent more time looking at my best friend's work than at mine. Usually she was top of the class and I was second, and quite happy with that. Parents wanted to know why I couldn't be more like her.

Years later I told mother: "[Best friend] is such a little lady. She's still at [school]." Mother immediately retorted: "[Best friend] would have been a lady whatever school she went to. And you would have been... what you are." I was stunned into silence by that. Really.

Then I learned that [best friend] had committed suicide in her first year at university. It was mother's turn to be silent. Not a word of comfort for me from her or Dad.

I think there's hope in the Cipher story, in that one teacher vowed to be alert in future and the story -- a very old one -- is still so often cited. Trouble is, a scapegoat or cipher at home is highly likely to become a scapegoat or cipher at school as well. And shunned or bullied all through life.

I'm glad you're able to stand by your son in the face of what teachers and H are saying. He needs to be appreciated and validated for his sensitivity. I've noticed that people people are often the most popular in the workplace, the ones everyone wants to talk to regardless of work standards. (Not saying your son isn't 'making it' at school.)

Getting to the hopeful place may hurt and piss us off...

Mmm, I seem to be still in a holding pattern on that score.