Surviving Character Assassination

[Contessa]

Radical!!

We posted at the same time, ha

You have mentioned mobbing before but I don't think I have found quite the right information you meant way back then.

Now I have an opening, I'm being very careful to be in control of the process, in planning what I need to say, how best to express myself, what information I need to pass on, and what I want to achieve.  I'm also organising the questions I'd most like to have answered from the people I will be able to talk to.

I have to be aware that there are limits to how much damage might be able to be undone, and what I'm likely to be up against in being able to be heard, including resistance, denial, victim-blaming, guilt, shame, vested interests and group-loyalty and, also real hurt. I know it will be hard to not fawn or abandon myself.  I don't want to make them feel bad, I hope this might somehow be beneficial for all of us.  These are good people, but I do need to express my own pain, and the damage this has done to me.

I have not found any literature whatsoever on this, but as you have mentioned it I am happy to say this has been at the top of my mind in any interaction with EVERYONE. I am also drawing on my wealth of teaching experience, dealing woth children, their parents, other staff, etc. But always welcome a good source to refer to.

I'll admit, with all the damage that has already been done, I am actually experiencing some happiness with this. I'm enjoying the interactions, and seeing their facial expressions and listening to their verbal reactions no matter how silly they are. I'm enjoying taking my power back, and yes the key is subtlety, time, and walking away.

What we don't do or say is just as important than what we do. In fact it is the keystone to our control.

We're on the same journey Rad!
Are there any good links, or names of books you could pass on to me?

[radical]

https://psychcentral.com/lib/overcoming-mobbing-a-recovery-guide-for-workplace-aggression-bullying/
https://newworkplace.wordpress.com/2009/02/19/workplace-bullying-and-mobbing-in-academe-the-*-of-heaven/
http://www.workplacemobbing.com/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-bullying/201309/the-silence-shunning-conversation-kipling-william

Hi Contessa
I hope I haven't broken any rules posting the above.  It would take a lot of time to discuss every one of these, and my computer is on a go-slow. Even the emoticons are moving in slo-mo

We're on the same journey Rad!  Yes! Very glad to have you alongside.

What we don't do or say is just as important than what we do. In fact it is the keystone to our control.  - Very much onto this one!

It is good to feel I have some power back and a voice.  Maybe even the chance of some healing.

I don't think I can write anymore.  Am in danger of throwing something at this machine!

[Contessa]

You haven't broken my rules.

All good Rad! Thanks for those links, I will peruse and learn. Looking forward to tackling this beast with you. Don't want you to destroy the machine so speak to you another time xo

[Contessa]

Oh my goodness guys! Had such a breakthrough today. Emotions are running high so I'll keep this short in an effort to calm down.

Met with the girl that the narc dumped me for, and boy did we lay everything out on the table. No detail was spared, but both she and I gained a lot of clarity out of everything that was happening. It was raw and honest, and at times shocking.

Okay, have to do something else to take my mind off this, will be back when settled. Xo

[Contessa]

This guy is extremely sick

[Contessa]

I was apparently reported by him at work as a threat to her safety.

Utterly sick. And he would still say hello to me even after all of these people turned their backs on me.

[radical]

God, Contessa, now that's a smear.  i assume she backed him up in this, maybe even believed it while he was spinning...

No blow is too low.  These people have no conscience whatsover, it seems.

Are you sure this woman isn't likely to be hoovered back?
I know that sounds paranoid, but those who walk on the 'dark side can have a powerful and hypnotic effect and take a lot of getting over.

Yeah, extremely sick.  How are you feeling now?
This won't be the only smear, btw.

[Contessa]

Yes, she believed him and backed him up when she was approached by staff. Like I said we laid everything on the table. But he hurt her enough to make her question it and she cannot stop apologising to me for what she thinks she has done.

She's been through the hoovering, she described it in detail. She seems to have her wits about her now, but still has a little contact with him. I've advised her to cut all contact, but that might take a while, if ever. Until then I will not stop worrying for her. He seems to have burned a few bridges and is holing himself up in his home (or so she is told).

I'm settling. The shock took a while to set in, but now that I have that gap filled in, everything makes sense.

I was of the thought that I was reported for fear of his safety, but telling staff that I intended to harm her... That's a new level of sickness. I still can't form the words for this

[Three Roses]

Wow. I'm speechless that anyone would do such a thing. What a cad! Glad that you're out of contact with him. Take care of yourself, Contessa.

[Contessa]

Thanks three roses. I'm okay but not. Going to take a while to process

[sanmagic7]

dang, contessa!!!  what a buttwipe!  yeah, take your time to process this, but for the nonce (love that word!) keep yourself safe and know that i'm so happy this woman was able to talk to you about this and had the good grace to admit and apologize to you.  breakthrough, indeed!  i'm so glad i saw this - i'm smiling for you right now!  great way to cap the day.  love and hugs, contessa.

[Contessa]

Thank you San! Yes, I think this accusation ended up being too wild for people to believe.

Long story short, I had to inform my supervisor. Action is now being taken at work. It is nonce out of my hands (probably incorrect usage, but wanted to give the word a go), so i'll get back to my own work and wait for the result! Will ba back to fill you in.

[sanmagic7]

contessa, you made that word your own!      it's great!

hoping all goes well for you with this.  good for you, my dear.  well done!  big hug!!!

[Contessa]

Hello all, I think the time is ripe. I'm going to start a new thread called "Reputation repair", keep an eye out for it, I'd like your input