the first move

[AlphaOmega]

Hello,

Part of the experience that i have had with cptsd is not being able to be my truth or to speak my truth...

Suffering emotional and mental abuse in my childhood i have long been effected by the symptoms of this disorder. At work, in relationships, simply making eye contact is an act of force. The burden of the disempowerment and shame has been tremendously heavy. And has taken an absolute toll. This house has been my cave from the outside world and my body has housed the same effect. The alter effects of this disorder have become an ingrained personality and i find myself baron from own life/self people and environments. Where the pain cycles even more. My perceptions are tangled with fear, hopelessness and not being enough. I have lived in the dark for over 20 years of my life, in the instance of prolonging a traumatised event or experience. This is literally my first move toward connection and recovery. Being in your company and having the information specific to this suffering is truly a blessed relief. It brings hope.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, AlphaOmega! I had the same reaction on finding this forum, a community of people like me - they could relate to my past, my pain, and weren't afraid to talk about it. The people here have been a huge relief and comfort to me. I hope you find the same in it. Thanks for joining!

[radical]

You are very welcome, Alpha-Omega,

I've found it really helpful to be able to talk about being withdrawn and ashamed, especially to others in the same boat.
I was reading about the problem of making eye-contact and how common that is when people are traumatised.  I think it was in "The Body Keeps the Score', but I seem to have mislaid the book since, so I'm not sure it was there.

It is a big move, to reach out.  I hope you can feel  proud of the courage it has taken.  Take your time, if you want to.  I'll be looking forward to talking with you.  We don't need to feel ashamed.  It helps to keep reminding myself, because after a while it does begin to sink in.

Warm wishes.

[bring em all in]

Welcome, AlphaOmega!

I'd like to add my voice to the chorus attesting to how much these forums help. I look forward to learning along with you as we continue our journey to recovery.

[Wife#2]

I hope that you are still hovering, reading and engaging at a level you feel safe.

I hope that you are learning that you matter. That your thoughts are valid, your emotions are valid and that you can breathe your own name with hope.

I hope.

I totally stole that idea from Shawshank Redemption, but it's valid, because for you, AlphaOmega, I do hope. Write to us soon if you get a notion. Even if it's just to unload some of this burden you've been carrying alone so very long.

Hopefully your friend, Wife2.