EF after Health scare

[Elphanigh]

So I haven't posted in this part of the forum before, but I am constantly reading it because it is something I experience quite a bit in my life. I have been stuck for a few days now in a pretty strong EF. I can get it to fade during the day but at night it becomes really difficult to handle.

On Monday morning I had a really terrible health scare. I collapsed to the floor out of pain in my chest and back pretty instantly.. I got scared because I was alone and didn't really have anyone in the area to get a hold of.. I think the fear that it triggered in me is causing a pretty bad EF for me. I know at this point that my health is fine, but I can't get out of the fear that I felt..

I think it has brought up a lot of the fear I felt as a child, both from abuse and from times I saw my mom hit the floor like that. I spent a lot of last night worried about this that I shouldn't have been, and just concerned something bad was going to happen.. that someone would break into my apartment etc.. my imagination is way more vivid but no need to go into that and trigger anyone.

Any advice on how to get past these? I am not good at getting past true fear, I am normally much more in the camp that avoids feeling that emotion.

[Three Roses]

From Pete Walker's website -

http://www.pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm

MANAGING FLASHBACKS

1. Say to yourself: "I am having a flashback". Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past memories that cannot hurt you now.

2. Remind yourself: "I feel afraid but I am not in danger! I am safe now, here in the present." Remember you are now in the safety of the present, far from the danger of the past.

3. Own your right/need to have boundaries. Remind yourself that you do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you; you are free to leave dangerous situations and protest unfair behavior.

4. Speak reassuringly to the Inner Child. The child needs to know that you love her unconditionally- that she can come to you for comfort and protection when she feels lost and scared.

5. Deconstruct eternity thinking: in childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless - a safer future was unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times before.

6. Remind yourself that you are in an adult body with allies, skills and resources to protect you that you never had as a child. (Feeling small and little is a sure sign of a flashback).

7. Ease back into your body. Fear launches us into 'heady' worrying, or numbing and spacing out.
  [a] Gently ask your body to relax: feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain)
  Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger).
  [c] Slow down: rushing presses the psyche's panic button.
  [d] Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap.
  [e] Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it.

8. Resist the Inner Critic's Drasticizing and Catastrophizing:
  [a] Use thought-stopping to halt its endless exaggeration of danger and constant planning to control the uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the anger of self-attack into saying NO to unfair self-criticism.
  Use thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments.

9. Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and abandonment, and to validate - and then soothe - the child's past experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn our tears into self-compassion and our anger into self-protection.

10. Cultivate safe relationships and seek support. Take time alone when you need it, but don't let shame isolate you. Feeling shame doesn't mean you are shameful. Educate your intimates about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way through them.

11. Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these steps when triggering situations are unavoidable.

12. Figure out what you are flashing back to. Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met.

13. Be patient with a slow recovery process: it takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the  future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradually progressive process (often two steps forward, one step back), not an attained salvation fantasy. Don't beat yourself up for having a flashback.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you Three Roses. It is a fantastic reminder to read through all of that. I will go through that process for myself. I deserve to take the time for that. #6 on that list definitely made me realize how prone to emotional flashbacks I am at least on a mild scale. I hadn't realized how fully that was a big part of them. Will bring that up with my T I think.

I have his book and am starting to read through it, I just haven't had a lot of time to devote to that lately. Time is not something I have a lot of for the next week or so. It will come though.

Thank you for taking the time to put that here and helping me. I lose sight of things I know how to do sometimes , the reminder was much needed.

[Three Roses]

 

[Elphanigh]

Thank you. I think the thing I wish most is that I could have a hug. To have someone hold me just for 10 minutes

[Three Roses]

I would give you a real hug, if I could.

[Elphanigh]

Thank you Three Roses. I truly appreciate that