Hi new member, my brief story

[Gstar]

So im new here and so glad I found this forum. I'm not sure if my experience is shared by others but my childhood I would say was happy. I grew up with a loving mother and brothers and a close network of friends, family and friends of family. At 13 years I became friends with a girl in my class at school who seemed really nice at first, seemed to love everything about me, wanted to hang around with me and my friends a lot, was fun to be with. Not long after I turned 14 she suddenly and out of the blue for me publicly falsely accused me in front of my whole class at school of hitting her, being nasty to her for "ages" and that I had got my friends to be nasty to her. All lies, all projection. But everyone believed her. This was the beginning of a 6 year nightmare for me. I believe she was a psychopath and a narcissist and the next 6 years involved the most horrific emotional and psychological abuse for me. I didn't tell anyone in this whole time, not even my mother because I was so scared and perceived this girl to have so much power that it wouldn't help even if I did tell my mother. I've read all about psychopaths, narcissists and the cycle of emotional and psychological abuse and my experience fits it's to a tee. I have read Judith Lewis Herman's book 'Trauma and Recovery' and I can relate so much to this book, especially the parts where she is describing the perpetrator and how they become the most important person in your life (not out of choice I tell you). There's so much more to my experience but I'd thought I'd keep it as brief as I could. Can anyone else relate to this? Someone outside of your family and a child the same age as you as that who is the perpetrator?
Sorry if this is a bit long but thanks for reading.
By the way it is now nearly 20 years since I managed to get this girl out of my life but the whole traumatic experience still affects me now.

[sanmagic7]

hey, gstar,

welcome, and very glad you found us.  i can't relate specifically to what you went through, but i can relate to the concept of having those types of people linger negatively in our lives for a long time after.  it's the pits, part of the beast we call c-ptsd. 

everyone's story is different, yet we all ramble through the same nightmare as we work to get loose of the traumas perpetrated on us.  i hope you're able to find the support and kindness here that will help you break free.  thanks for posting.

[alchemist]

Yes, I had the same experience but it wasn't a friend it was a family member.  welcome.

[Dee]

Welcome!

I'm sorry you had that experience.  It sounds awful.  I hope you find compassion and friendship here.

[Kizzie]

Hi Gstar and a warm welcome to OOTS    I am so glad you found your way here.  Your experience certainly fits with the causes of CPTSD; that is, ongoing, interpersonal traumatization by anyone (adult or child) from which you could not escape.

it is now nearly 20 years since I managed to get this girl out of my life but the whole traumatic experience still affects me now

Unfortunately the kind of soul crushing experience you and most of us went through doesn't go away, it turns into CPTSD and plagues us until we find ways to surface the pain and fear, work through it and integrate it into our psyche. 

Hopefully being here and finally talking about what you went through will help you to heal 

[Gstar]

Thanks for everyone's replies it's just so comforting to find a place like this where people have had similar experiences with these types of perpetrators. I honestly believe narcissists and psychopaths are another species of human beings altogether. The thing I really beat myself up about is if I'd told my mother right from the start I could have dodged a bullet so to speak and none of the abuse would have happened. That is what I'm mostly struggling with at the moment. God knows how those who have suffered within their own families feel, that would be unimaginable for me.
Thanks again for reading,
Gstar
😘

[sanmagic7]

gstar,

it's so very common that we don't tell anyone about what's happening when it's happening, but that is no blame or shame on you.  you did what you thought best to deal with the situation at the time, that's all.  having known more, you might have done things differently, like tell your mom.  at that time, tho, that wasn't within your bag of tools, so to speak.

if i'd known what was happening, i'd have dumped my narc ex, narc daughter, and narc therapist, all of whom i was dealing with at the same time.  yep, could've saved myself a lot of heartache and heartbreak if i'd known.  but i didn't.  i struggled to make sense of the senseless, and stay sane within the insanity instead, because that's what i knew how to do.  some of it lasted for 30+ years until i finally saw the light and got away from it all.

i think we'd all have done things differently if we'd known how and what, exactly, to do.  unfortunately, we didn't.  instead, we now struggle and work toward having a happy and healthy rest of our lives.   in that you're not alone.  we're here for you.  at least those people from the past can't hurt us anymore, and we can recover from the wounds they inflicted upon us.  standing right beside you!