47 years later

[doctorloco55]

In July of 2016 i was on Facebook and was reading comments in a group i belonged to from grammer school and then i posted this simple question. Who remembers Br. Tim? and the next day there was literally 100's of comments when i started reading them and i saw information that i didn't know about him. He was charged with sexual abuse and was inappropriate with alot of other students and was shipped off somewhere else. And then there was people who had no negative experiences with him. But then i started remembering my relationship with him and started to feel sick to my stomach. For over two and a half years during 6th-9th grades he continuously tried to have a sexual relationship with me and when i refused he morphed our relationship over time into a warped, sick and twisted sexual friendship where he trained and turned me into a smaller version of himself. This ended up causing more damage to me because it affected how i interacted with both men and women for the rest of my life. 47 yrs later i'm still suffering the guilt and shame of my history and interactions with people. Since remembering these thing last year i've been on a steady decline of suicidal thoughts, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness and self loathing. Having a therapist and being on medication and also caring for an emotional support animal helps with the actual suicide attempts. I can't help to wonder what my life would have been like if i never met B. Tim.

[GlassChild]

It's natural to wonder what could have been. I suffer a lot of guilt over my life too. But when it comes down to it, you couldn't have known then what you know now, your whole life would have had to go different for you to have had this knowledge in that moment. I would say if there is anyone you have hurt that you can apologize to, do, including yourself. Don't let this person do any more damage to you than has already been done. Tell his memory to F off and start mending your life.