Knock on the door...not freaking out!

[Rainydaze]

I had a knock on the door tonight, about 9pm. My neighbours rarely call round and I doubt my in-laws would have any reason to call so late, so I wonder whether it was my NF, who I decided to go no contact with 3 months ago (though on his part he just thinks he's giving me silent treatment). I didn't actually realize that anyone was knocking until the dog started barking manically. I decided to ignore it as frankly it's getting late and I have no desire to talk to him. My husband has also gone abroad today for a few days (great timing hey!) so I'm just not taking chances.

A couple of months ago this probably would have got my heart racing and upset me. Now though I'm feeling pretty calm and just find it an annoyance that I couldn't answer my door in case it was someone I would have liked to speak to (husband will be installing a security camera soon focused on the door so hopefully it will sort that problem out!) I feel pretty good that this hasn't triggered me and I think disconnecting from my toxic father and practising meditation and yoga is really helping to calm me.

Only annoying thing is that this might indicate that on his part the silent treatment is over and that having failed to get supply elsewhere he's coming back round to me. The lack of anyone to manipulate must be excruciatingly hard for him as he has zero ability to take responsibility for his own actions or self-soothe. I'm feeling more equipped than ever to handle it though.

[Dee]

Wow, you sound so grounded!  You were abel to put it in perspective, not blame yourself, and come up with a plan for the future.  You have done very well!!

[Rainydaze]

Thanks Dee.  It's bittersweet that I do so much better when I'm away from my NF but I'm starting to embrace that it's ok to care for myself.