It's a tidal wave! *TW - sexual abuse flashbacks*

[Dee]

I am being hit by a wave of memories, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, emotional flashbacks.  I feel like I might die.  I know it is related to my dad's death.  There were so many times I thought oh good, nothing happened, to realize now something happened.  How on earth could I ever of thought that when I was in a situation and it ends with him thanking me, that nothing happened.  I'm getting flashes.  I can't stop it and it isn't just of my dad.  It is every night right now.

I suppose it is just one aspect of CPTSD.  It's one of those times where I think how unfair it is, how I don't want it, and can I please give it back. 

[Three Roses]

It really is unfair. We are here, stuck with dealing with the aftermath of horrendous abuse and cruelty, when all we want is peace. I'm standing with you in spirit. Hang in there, my friend.

[Wife#2]

Standing with you as well, Dee, wishing you peace of mind for just a moment.

[Lingurine]

Dee, I know this must be hard for you, when my mother died I had major flash backs and was in shock, it brought up so much. I only can imagine how terrible you must feel.

Take care

Lingurine

[SE7]

Hi Dee, just here in solidarity with you ... I only have one memory of what I believe to have been a result of sexual abuse ... pretty much everything is blacked out for me but the circumstantial memories/feelings are there in my body & psyche. I was just recently psychologically abused by my father again (a few days ago) and it brought up the topic of the sexual abuse which prompted another mention of this to my mother -- MOST uncomfortable. I agree that it's totally unfair. Hopefully we will find a way to accept that this was part of our past, but it is a hard thing to ever have to accept. Hang in there, you're not alone.

[Blueberry]

Standing beside you, Dee. C-PTSD is totally unfair. We didn't want the treatment that caused it in the first place and we don't want reminders and memories of that treatment come flying up out of the past either.

[Dee]

Thank you all for your support.  It is starting to get a little bit better.  At least I won't be lost about what to talk about in therapy.  The truth is I never talk about the abuse.  Maybe it is time.

[sanmagic7]

o, dee, you brave, wonderful you.  maybe it's time, indeed.  i, too, am right with you, standing beside you through this. 

i went thru something similar 2 yrs. ago, and it was *, of that there is no doubt.  it did lessen with time, and it also nudged me to get to talking, get involved with this forum, start getting the poison out.  i'm better off for it now.  best to you with your t.  i hope it goes well, and brings you some relief and peace down to your bones.   love and hugs