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[Awake]

Hello everyone. I'm having trouble moving forward after severe betrayal.
My Story:
I am a 45 year old woman who has been married for 19yrs with three children age 10, 12, 15. I found out two years ago that my husband was living a double life with his mistress and her two children. His mistress was pregnant with my husbands child and decided to send her best friend to my home to tell me about her pregnancy, and seven year affair with my husband. I thought my husband had a very busy work schedule, but it turned out he was spending just as much time with her family as he spent with ours. My pain and shock was compounded by my husbands response when I confronted him. He went from what I thought was a great husband to being angry, agressive, and defensive. After a 6month separation we decided to try and reconcile. One year later we separated and are filing for divorce. I found out he was still lying and seeing his affair partner. He has since moved in with his affair partner, and they are one happy family. I still find myself missing the person I thought he was and feeling Discarded and unwanted. I will have weeks when I'm doing well, followed by days with sadness and crying. Feeling pathetic and sad, wishing I was stronger and able to move on like he has.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, Awake, I'm so sorry to hear the difficulties you've been through. That midst have been shocking! The sense of pain and betrayal you feel.

You say that he was

what I thought was a great husband 

Was he ever abusive to you? Or did you grow up in an abusive home?

[Awake]

after finding out about the affair I realized how emotionally abusive our relationship was. My husband grew more critical as the years went by. I couldn't seem to do anything right. I found myself working harder and harder, but never seemed to gain appreciation for anything I did.  He also lied to me constantly over the years. He had me convinced I had trouble with my memory because I couldn't remember things he would tell me. It would go something like this: " your memory is really getting worse, I told you a couple of weeks ago I would be going away this weekend. I can't believe you don't remember that".

[Three Roses]

That sounds like "gaslighting", a term for something narcissists do: 

Gaslighting - The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term "Gaslighting" is based on the 1944 MGM movie "Gaslight".

(from http://www.outofthestorm.website/cptsd-glossary/)

The Spartan Life Coach's Youtube channel has some informative and helpful vids on dealing with a narcissist. Here's a link to a short video from him: https://youtu.be/IsHWQnWui4U

Thanks for joining, I'm looking forward to hearing more about you.

[Awake]

I am familiar with the term gaslighting.
After finding out about the affair I read multiple books on affairs and betrayal which lead me to the conclusion that my husband is a covert narcissist. It was an eye opening and painful experience to learn that My husband was not the person I thought I married, and that my family and the life we built together was Fake. I learned about gaslighting and the various other emotional abuse tactics that I was constantly exposed to.
Thank you very much for the link and info. I plan on checking out the video today.