Car crash.. IC struggles

[joyful]

Hi everyone

It's been so long since I posted last.. I miss you all and think about you!

So this week my family is out of town, but, major victory for me, I stayed home. I worked everything out even though they made it so hard. I found a place to stay and a car to borrow.

Last night though as I was pulling out of work I totalled the car I was borrowing I'm fine, but the car is unrepairable. As you can imagine, my inner critic is having the time if her life.
Telling me how of course I managed to destroy someone else's car, maybe your parents were right about not letting you drive, you're so stupid, you get one week of total freedom and you ruin it and have to pay all kinds if things from the money you were saving to move out.


I'm trying to keep the opinion that my coworkers and friends have that the car doesn't matter, I'm lucky I'm ok. But something tells me when my parents find out they're going to care more about their insurance premium going up. Not that's that's unexpected or anything. -_-

I'm trying to tell myself that it's not completely my fault, that there were trees and it was somewhat of a blind turn and that my parents didn't prepare me well enough. But deep down the voice is saying no you're just stupid.

I need to show them same compassion for myself as I would for any one else..

This post is all over the place.

I have to go into court next week to find out how much I'll have to pay for my citation. That's terrifying to me.

I'm out of words now. Thanks for reading

[sanmagic7]

joyful, good to hear from you again, even if the news isn't that great.

i hope you continue to show the compassion for yourself that you'd show others in the same situation, the same way your co-workers are just so glad you are ok.  that really is the main thing in anything like this.

we've all had something happen in life where we think 'why was i so stupid?'  i rolled my ex's van, totaled it by doing something that in retrospect i might have done differently.  that's all it is - maybe you could have done something differently, but the accident didn't happen cuz you're stupid.  that's why they're called 'accidents' and not 'on purposes'.

i hope you can stop being hard on yourself and that the court stuff goes ok.  standing right beside you for that.  big hug, joyful. 

[joyful]

Thank you sanmagic.
I wish my parents had the same view as you do! They are mad at me but claiming they're not.. I'm dreading going home today. I'm trying to prepare myself for the shaming and blaming and yelling and guilt tripping that I'm gonna get in a few hours  uuuugggggggghhhhhhh I don't want to go back!
On the bright side, only 43 days til I move out and start no contact.
Thanks for reading San 

[Lingurine]

Joyful, so sorry to hear about your accident. Hope you are okay?
You're absolutely right, focus on moving out/on, instead of being afraid of judgements all the time.

Take care

Lingurine

[Blueberry]

JOyful, I'm sorry too about the crash. I can so identify with your dread of seeing your parents today and of hearing all the shaming and blaming. It would have been the same for me too. I get a kind of panicky feeling just thinking about it.

So  to give you some strength with which to see it all through and keep focussing on your plans to leave in 43 days.

[sanmagic7]

43 days and counting.  standing right beside you, running interference against the shame/blame game.  put up your shield and know that you don't deserve that kind of treatment, those kinds of words.   we're holding it up for you.  big hug, sweetie.