An Intro of Sorts

[middleground]

Hello to all.
I've been wandering around the cPTSD sites a while but just stumbled on this forum today and am making myself write this intro. First off, suffice to say, one of the manifestations of my lifelong struggle is my inability to write down anything personal.  I don't keep journals, rarely write personal letters, and a forum like this is really tough.  I just disassociated twice while writing that sentence.  Phew!

Short background of me - adoptive mother with NPD, seriously oppressive and abusive childhood, escaped at 18, in and out of therapy trying to understand everything. I then ended up with a sociopathic NPD in a 17 yr marriage - wow. Had one child and stayed for her, and had no idea it was npd that was controlling me. When I chose to end the relationship he kicked me out to the curb, lived in my car, currently rebuilding my life. I love the DV shelter in my town and their amazing support, though it took me months to find and realize that I was worthy of help. Took me 10 months to build the courage to file for divorce, but I did it. 

Life is a process and I'm not out yet! Looking to connect with others who understand the mental process of this journey.

[Rain]

Welcome, middleground!   I am so glad you made your way here to the OOTS support forum.

I hope you can stay awhile and join us in the healing Journey.    And, what a road of the Journey you have traveled so far.   Too much, just way too much, but yet you made it and there can be blue skies and peace ahead.   There is caring like what you saw at the shelter.   You are soooo worthy of help, support, caring, love.   You always have been.

You have found the right place for people to connect with, and understand the journey, middleground.

If you have not found Pete Walker's web site yet, please visit www.pete-walker.com as he has many articles from his book (which is excellent for healing).

I look forward to your posts.   Visit topics you are drawn to, and share when you care to, support others when you can.

Grace and Healing in your Journey, middleground!

Rain   

[Trees]

Welcome middleground.  I applaud your great courage!  I am so glad you were able to hang in there and post a bit of your story, even in the face of dissociation.  I look forward to hearing more from you.  You have found a safe place here.

Sending lots of hugs....   Trees

[Kizzie]

Welcome to OOTS Middleground     and hopefully coming here will lead to a much better future. 

I must tell you that I also had real difficulty writing or even speaking about myself when I was younger, so I understand what it can take to put pen to paper or in this case fingers to keyboard.  Many of us were trained to be silent so that those who brought trauma into our lives in whatever form could continue doing what they did.  Like you though, I was absolutely determined to reclaim my voice and eventually it got easier, there was much more flow and less dissociation.   

So kudos to you for being here despite all that you have gone through. You......are....brave       

[flookadelic]

Hello Middleground - thank you for making that effort to write. Operating through dissociations is a real effort. I'm new here myself but still want to give you a warm welcome. and wow! You have done so much for yourself already. I hope that you find long term stability and a foundation in all senses of the word soon.