Avoidance

[LittleBird]

Do any of you have thoughts on this? Does it make sense that nagging and blame about not going out might feel like a physical threat, trigger ef and would reinforce avoidance?

[Libby12]

Hi sunrise.

I am still very new to the idea of c-ptsd and have just finished FSTT for the first time. However,  your post felt very familiar to me.   My nm controlled my every thought and action.  As a child I was forced to go out to play,  attend clubs etc, and to generally go out with the family.  She absolutely loved going out and thought I should to.  I would much rather of stayed at home but that wasn't an option.  I was nagged and blamed and you are so right, I mostly prefer to avoid going out.   I have realised recently that going out does feel threatening, and being compelled to go out really can bring on a severe EF.   

So yes.  It all makes perfect sense to me. Efs feel so awful that you would certainly want to avoid going out.  Does your mother make you feel guilty about your avoidance?   That would seem to add another layer of shame.

I used to suffer awful abdominal pain when made to go out as a child, which from a young age I called my anxiety stomach ache.  I think this was known by mother but no way would she make any allowances for me.

I think you will get a lot of reading the book.

Best wishes.

Libby

[Three Roses]

Hello! I thought it was worth mentioning that there is a mental condition called Munchausen's by proxy. Here's a link and part of what it says there:

Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP) is a mental health problem in which a caregiver makes up or causes an illness or injury in a person under his or her care, such as a child, an elderly adult, or a person who has a disability. Because vulnerable people are the victims, MSBP is a form of child abuse or elder abuse.

Note: Since most cases of MSBP are between a caregiver (usually a mother) and a child, the rest of this topic will describe that relationship. But it is important to remember that MSBP can involve any vulnerable person who has a caregiver.

The caregiver with MSBP may:

Lie about the child's symptoms.
Change test results to make a child appear to be ill.
Physically harm the child to produce symptoms.

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/munchausen-syndrome-by-proxy-topic-overview#1

Hope this is helpful info - I'm sorry for what you went thru

[Kat]

How awful your mother was to you.  It's disgusting.  Of course if you're being told something is wrong with you by your parent you will believe it and even act it out.  I'm in a position to know kids who express bipolar or schizophrenic behaviors most likely because that's what their parents have convinced them as having and not because it's what they're really suffering.

I had a bit of an opposite experience medically.  I had horrible headaches that left me crying.  I realized later they were migraines.  My mother had brain cancer when she was 19, so she feared I had some sort of tumor.  My father took me to a neurologist when I was 13 who prescribed biofeedback.  Nothing was "organically" wrong with me, and I was clearly stressed out.  Hearing it was nothing organic, my parents dropped the matter completely and left me to suffer.  None of us kids could ever out-suffer my chronically ill mother.  Once, two of my sisters were sick at the same time and in two different exam rooms.  The doctor declared that one had the worst ear infection he'd seen and the other had an extremely severe case of Strep throat.  Neither had really complained much at all and only sought help after days of being ill.

The not going out thing makes total sense.  In our worlds, NOTHING is safe.  Why the * would we go out into the world where threats surround us?  Sunrise, my experience was similar to yours in that my family was quite insular.  My parents had no friends.  We rarely had visitors.  We really only associated with other family.  In fact, I recall my dad's brother calling one morning when I was quite little.  I stayed on the line to eavesdrop on their conversation.  My uncle was taking his boys to a museum and wanted to know if my sister and I wanted to go.  My father said no without even asking us.  I never understood that.  It seems he didn't want us interacting with others--something to hide maybe?

I'm seeing a Somatic Experience (experiencing?) therapist.  The digestive stuff has been a popular topic.  I'm self-diagnosed with IBS.  I've told the SE therapist that I can sometimes sense my digestion stopping.  She said it makes sense since it's one of the functions that stops during a fight/flight/freeze response.  She said she wouldn't be surprised if it was often not working.  Most recently she pointed out that I tend to tense my stomach (internally as well as externally) in an attempt to protect myself from possible attack even when there's no potential attack present.  It really screws up digestion.  In addition, if you're a shallow breather (which you likely are if you're suffering CPTSD), then you're not fully using your diaphragm which also aids in digestion.  Fascinating!

Keep reading.  Keep forgiving yourself.  Keep treating yourself with grace and compassion.  You are loved.