Can I possibly have CPTSD?

[barbidoll]

So it has been suggested to me by more than one person that I have CPTSD.  The symptoms I have been having started in May 2016. At least I think they did. I know they became more pronounced. While searching PTSD I kept questioning whether I was having flashbacks until I came across emotional flashbacks a CPTSD. So I guess I am wondering if anyone can relate. 
A little background: I was molested starting at age 5 to 9 and subsequently been in more than one relationship with verbal, psychological and emotional abuse.  I began noticing my hypervigilance after my daughter was hospitalized for writing about her death while with her Dad. He used the letter to berate me, refused to tell me what hospital he was taking her to, when I found that out he was briefly able to bar me from her psychological evaluation and then he managed to get us all put in the same room for about 10 hours.  After this is the first time I started to feel different but there are many more events before and after that have been traumatic for me. I do not remember a whole lot of my childhood and actually had to ask my sister about my father's(abuser) personality.
  Anyway I am constantly on edge. Many night when I go to bed my heart is racing, it feels like it is pounding, I feel so tense like I can't relax, I am exhausted but there is no way I can fall asleep immiediately and at times I felt a tightness in my chest that scares me. Loud noises bother me. I jokingly ask my kids to open cans of biscuits for me because just the thought of the noise and suddenness of it popping puts me on edge.  Whenever I have to deal with my kid's father who have been emotionally and verbally abusive I started dreading it and getting tense.  I actually try to avoid phone calls because I feel like someone is going to be mean to me. My memory has not been what it used to and at times it's hard for my brain to focus on things, even things that should be easy for me.  At times I am walking around and feel like I have a scarlet letter, like everyone can see there is something wrong with me.  I don't feel trustful of anyone. I am constantly afraid of doing something wrong so making decisions about my kids can be excruciating if not impossible. 
  Anyway there is probably more but these are the things off the top of my head that I have experiencing. I am feeling helpless and like I am powerless in protecting my kids and myself. 

[Three Roses]

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been thru but happy to welcome you to this forum. While no one here can diagnose you, CSA (childhood sexual abuse) is a definite cause of the trauma that can lead to CPTSD. I also hear a hint of some major control issues in your daughter's father, you may want to look at living with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder as another cause.

In any event, I hope you find validation and support here, and thank you for joining.

[barbidoll]

Thank you for responding. I am feeling alone and although I know my family loves me I am not sure they grasp how agonizing some of this is.
  I have questioned whether my daugher's father has npd. He also has a wife who has her own issues that I have to deal with.
  I have also wondered about my son's father because he can be very controlling. The past couple of weeks I have to deal with threats of him getting a lawyer, calling cps, calling me crazy, accusing me of being drunk or high. This was all because I sought mental health treatment for our son who said he was having thoughts of hurting himself.
  I know I have quite a few symptoms of ptsd but I have noticed I often feel like I am in danger and wonder if I am having emotional flashnacks? I don't know. I feel paralized at times because I am afraid I am going to do something wrong.
  I guess I really want some support and direction because I know something is not right with me.

[Three Roses]

You're the only person who can get to the bottom of it, stick around for a while and read some posts, dig thru the reference material. Many of us here are self-diagnosed, complex PTSD is lumped in with PTSD in the DSM so until it's its own disorder we'll just have to rattle the cages to get the attention and treatment. You're welcome here.

[JamesG]

Hi, and welcome.
my causes are very different, but the symptoms sound very familiar to mine. My big trigger is ringtones, email alert sounds etc, they were a delivery system for abuse, bad news and crisis and they could send me into a major panic. Changing the ringtones reguarly to something less abrasive has helped I have to say, tho I still have moments when I find my heart racing. Sadly, modern communications can be very tough for PTSD sufferers. I have found it very helpful to keep pointing out to myself that my responses are natural, what I am responding to wasn't. The brain and body have to settle and stuff has to come out. Look for help wherever you can get it and express yourself as much as you can whether it's to a trained counsellor, the folks in here (who are wonderful) or into a journal. CPTSD is an injury, not an illness and you will get past it in time. Embrace the journey and take your life back. xxx