Hello from the Valley of the Sun *mild trigger warning, minimal details*

[Frederica]

Hi ya'll! Normally I intensely dislike sharing personal details and keep pretty tight boundaries, but then I was like hey, whatever man...

I'm 22, female, and I've muddled through 96% of a community college degree but am not currently in school. I would love to have a job but have never been able to work. Currently I'm being treated for complex multiple traumas, major depression, and PNES/NEAD.

Until fairly recently, I was never able to articulate and share certain stuff that had happened to me, not even to therapists. Last fall I wound up with my current counselor who managed to crack me with EMDR. Long story short, Trauma Stuff came gushing out, and I was promptly put into some category of patients who can have basically unlimited sessions (most patients there are encouraged to take wing after about 10 sessions) due to complex trauma. She also helped me file a police report based on what I had told her.

I still have a quite difficult time describing my traumas, and I'm not quite sure if I belong on the childhood or adulthood board here. Definitely belong somewhere, though, ha.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother with undiagnosed/untreated obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. This foundation, I guess, is what left me very vulnerable to the severe sexual and emotional abuse which I experienced from the ages of 15 to 20 by an older "boyfriend."

I was 17 when I developed non-epileptic seizures (PNES/NEAD) which, just in case you're unfamiliar with them, are basically a kind of dissociative event with added muscle spasms, caused by stress and trauma. I have one extra "mini personality" who often (but not always) makes appearances during my seizure auras. I don't really remember anything that happens when she's in charge but I am told that, when questioned, she says she is five years old and acts accordingly. 

I experienced some more trauma at the age of 21 when my big brother committed suicide. There are probably also some other notable traumas and stressors but my brain does not allow me to remember them all at once. Naughty brain. Tsk.
So, to what board shall I go?

Oh, and I do hope ya'll are having okay days today. Or even good days. 

[Candid]

Welcome to the forum, Frederica!

Your counsellor sounds good and it's great you're getting unlimited sessions with her.

You've obviously been through a tough time so I'm glad you've found us here. You can post as much or as little as you like in whatever category feels right to you. We're all here to support each other.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Frederica! I'm sorry to hear about what brought you here, but glad that you made it.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Frederica    You might want to post to the childhood board as the other one is for people who developed CPTSD due to ongoing trauma (e.g., domestic violence) in adulthood, but not in childhood. 

We actually have had a few members who have non-epileptic seizures although I don't recall if they termed it PNES/NEAD.  You may want to use the "Search" function and see if you can find anything. 

Glad you found your way here and I hope you find the info and support helpful. 

[alchemist]

Hi,
I started getting PNES seizures after taking Nortryptiline when I was 21.  I was taking more than I should because at the time I knew little about pharmacology.  Anyway, once you have one-it is a defense mechanism as you probably know and when the body becomes overly stressed can just shut off ike a rabbit and play dead which is what a psychogenic seizure actually is according to Peter Levine.  I found that until I removed myself from the abusive narcissist in my life that I continued to have them.  I went NO CONTACT for 5 years and did not suffer any seizures but they resurfaced when I reestablished contact.  I have gone no contact again so that my health improves.  I wish you well. Glad you're here.

[Dee]

Welcome!  From what I think must be really close to you 

[Frederica]

Thank you so much everyone for the welcome. Sorry for the super belated response -I had a few days of pretty rough dissociation. To me it feels like I was on here yesterday but I guess it's been a week... awwwk!

Ha, I've never heard the "shut off and play dead like a rabbit" analogy, that's pretty accurate. 

[pmmeyourpassword]

Hi,
I started getting PNES seizures after taking Nortryptiline when I was 21.  I was taking more than I should because at the time I knew little about pharmacology.  Anyway, once you have one-it is a defense mechanism as you probably know and when the body becomes overly stressed can just shut off ike a rabbit and play dead which is what a psychogenic seizure actually is according to Peter Levine.  I found that until I removed myself from the abusive narcissist in my life that I continued to have them.  I went NO CONTACT for 5 years and did not suffer any seizures but they resurfaced when I reestablished contact.  I have gone no contact again so that my health improves.  I wish you well. Glad you're here.

So sorry to hear, but glad you're out! I have a similar problem with undiagnosed PNES but have gone no contact for over 2 years. Could you share some of your symptoms?