Complete Other...

[Kat]

It's so strange to be in the position of the "listener" or "witness" to an other's pain.  It is especially difficult when you're unsure how much of your own experience to share. 

In my job, I came to meet a young gal whose family is completely dysfunctional.  She was in inpatient treatment and is now in outpatient treatment--all while trying to finish high school.  On the one hand, it's so cool to see a young person with so much insight and understanding in regard to the dysfunctional system she's imprisoned by.  As awful as it is, I can see how she's used it to empower herself.  On the other hand, it's so very painful not to be able to affect change.  It's so difficult to witness the pain of an other who simply wants to experience the unconditional love of a parent, but gets nothing but criticism, lack of support, and false accusations. 

My heart hurts for this girl.  Yet, I can't help but be impressed by the fierceness of her Spirit.  She amazes me.  But I worry that I will not be able to show HER that fierceness within her and let her really, deeply know her own power.  I so desire to somehow let her see that energy, that power that will take her so very far beyond from where she came.

[sanmagic7]

kat, i think just by working  with her you're showing her a lot.  if a situation presents itself as a lead-in to some personal revealing that you feel comfortable with, i think you'll know it.  the fact that you're concerned about it tells me that you're a wonderful role model for her - your own compassion, determination, grit, and caring will shine through.

it's the best to see young people make their way out, and what a wonderful feeling to be able to help them do so.  big hug!!!

[Dee]

Don't underestemate the power of support.  Just being there is a huge validation of a person's worth.  It is wonderful that she is in an outpatient program with professionals that can help her learn the only person she can change is herself. 

When I was in high school, I was removed from my home.  I had one teacher who was super supportive.  She didn't try to fix anything, she never claimed to be able to change the situation, but she was there for me.  To this day I am filled with love when I think of her.  She would listen to me, give me hugs, and validate me.  That was irreplaceable.

[woodsgnome]

It almost sounds like you want so much to validate her, but are yourself afraid you might be misunderstood. So it feels like a stretch. Maybe you could still reach out, though? The chances are both of you would benefit from sharing what is so hard to come by in this world--human compassion.

She may indeed be as strong as you indicate, but strength needs a boost now and then, too; or it weakens entirely and hope goes out the window. I'm not implying your expressing support more directly would be the precise boost she needs, but on the other hand if you didn't and it was obvious she needed help 'after the fact' it might have a boomerang effect on your own feelings. I've been on both sides of this--desperately needing someone to help in even the smallest way and also regretting not having done what I could for someone else (partly due to my fear that what I could offer was never good enough).

I don't know; I'm not in the situation, or know what steps you can take to get to her. But strong as she appears, she could be craving that someone like yourself can be there for and with her, and in turn she might be able to help you.

[Candid]

Listening, paraphrasing and validating make a huge difference, Kat.  Good for you!